ARE YOU HIGH-MAINTENANCE?

WHAT DO YOU CALL

someone who is forever whining or complaining? Demanding, shrew, fastidious, high-maintenance, ingrate, are a few choice descriptors. There are others, but by the time I get through the list I just don’t care anymore.

I sat near a table where three women and a man were ordering their dinners. The man ordered a specific white wine. The waiter apologized, explaining how due to a unfortunate scheduling glitch it was unavailable. The man went ballistic. “Who could possibly make such a mistake? This is unacceptable. I pay good money to eat here. This cannot happen!”

A waitress who overheard what was taking place brought not one, but two bottles to their table in a valiant effort to redeem the situation. It was not good enough. He kept up his doltish rant. As Dale Carnegie once said—

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do.”

Is there a difference between whiners and complainers?

WHINERS

whimper about whatever in a peevish, self-pitying way.

COMPLAINERS

are more worldly wise in ways of expressing dissatisfaction, resentment, grief, finding fault, or unending stories about their ailments and pains.

COMPLAINING AFFECTS YOUR BRAIN

Dr. Travis Bradberry[1] says “complaining is tempting because it feels good—like smoking or eating a pound of bacon—but complaining is not good for you. Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you.

“Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive you and damages other areas of your brain as well. Research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus—an area of the brain that’s critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is scary, especially when you consider it’s one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s.”

Is he saying, chronic complainers may be brain damaged? Bad as this sounds, there is more. 

COMPLAINING IS ALSO BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH

Bradberry continues, saying, “When you complain, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol shifts you into fight-or-flight mode, directing oxygen, blood, and energy away from everything but the systems that are essential to immediate survival. All the extra cortisol released by frequent complaining impairs your immune system and makes you more susceptible to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. It even makes the brain more vulnerable to strokes.

“Since human beings are inherently social, our brains naturally and unconsciously mimic the moods of those around us, particularly people we spend a great deal of time with. This process is called neuronal mirroring, and it’s the basis for our ability to feel empathy.

SECOND-HAND COMPLAINING?

“The flip side, however, is that it makes complaining a lot like smoking—you don’t have to do it yourself to suffer the ill effects.

“You need to be cautious about spending time with people who complain about everything. Complainers want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. Think of it this way: If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers.”

EVEN PROPHETS DO IT

Jeremiah[2] complaining: I wish I had never been born! I’m always in trouble with everyone in Judah. I never lend or borrow money, but everyone curses me just the same.

THE LORD: I promise to protect you, and when disaster comes, even your enemies will beg you for help.

Still complaining: You can see how I suffer. You can see how I suffer insult after insult, all because of you, Lord. Don’t be so patient with my enemies; take revenge on them before they kill me. When you spoke to me, I was glad to obey, because I belong to you, the Lord All-Powerful. I don’t go to parties and have a good time. Instead, I keep to myself, because you have filled me with your anger. I am badly injured and in constant pain. Are you going to disappoint me, like a stream that goes dry in the heat of summer?

THE LORD: Stop talking like a fool! If you turn back to me and speak my message, I will let you be my prophet once again. I will be there to rescue you.

The next time any of us feel like complaining it’s good to remember, the Lord has a complaining limit. Even for prophets.

OVERCOMING THE COMPLAINING HABIT

Bradberry suggests two ways:

1)    “When you are tempted to complain, cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Think of things for which you are grateful. Reduce your stress level. Make sure what you are complaining about is important enough to invest the time and energy it will take.

2)    If you have something truly worth complaining about, engage in solution-oriented complaining.

        Have a clear purpose—know what outcome you are looking for

        Start with something positive—i.e, start your complaint with a compliment

        Be specific—speak to the current situation or experience

        End on a positive—restate your purpose and your hope for resolution.”

I hope you have found this helpful. If not—well—don’t complain to me about it.

[1]Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. (Quotes here were originally published by TalentSmart.com)

[2] Jeremiah 15:10-21