The Inner Game Rules

Our inner game rules our outer game. In other words, our history, practices, assumptions, beliefs, mindset, and stories shape and largely determine what we do and how well we do it.

Whether talking about leading oneself or leading others, our ability to grow and upgrade our inner game allows us to restructure and transform our identity as we progress from one developmental stage to another. Consider our identity as our way of being; it defines us and determines our direction and boundaries. As Anderson and Adams note[1], “We measure our self-worth and maintain our security by being that something. That something is so fused with our self-concept that ir is indistinguishable from ourselves.”

Upgrades to our inner game can occur with a single event but are seldom sufficient to be sustained. Sustainability becomes available when new mindsets, attitudes, and stories become aligned with (and shape) our behaviors. The influences are bi-directional. There is lore in every culture and epoch pointing to a universal aspect of this dynamic.

Our growth into adults and through adult stages of development is only partially related to the competencies we build and whatever processes support it (the outer game). It has as much to do with our leadership consciousness, a function of our inner game, and how well we can mature that game.

Several examples illustrate the point.

Reading an article about complexity brought to my awareness the importance of experimentation when the future is uncertain and conditions changing and ambiguous. That new framework for making sense of my world and that of my clients has led to me offering ‘running an experiment’ to clients as a way to try something new. The primary intention is to learn, not to get it right. Such a perspective challenges our old ways of thinking about things and reduces self-induced pressure to perform well.

Expanding one’s perspective about purpose and its expression can open up new possibilities. One client, a priest, found himself exasperated with some of his parishioners because they continued their conversations with him far beyond the scheduled endpoint. Others on his calendar were displaced and delayed. He discovered that because of how he thought of himself as a servant leader (putting all his attention on others), he didn’t include himself in the picture of whose needs also needed to be met. By seeing himself in the picture, he now could design new conversations that attended to both parties’ needs, set the better context, and manage the process effectively.

Not having a history of being someone capable of doing home repairs or building things, I tended to delegate to others (call a technician), even for small things. Recently, rather than ask for a house call to repair a stuck garbage disposal, I did online research on the issue, sought online tech support, followed a recommendation of the path forward (buy and use a tool made to resolve this kind of problem), and was successful in resolving the issue. My story and self-labeling about myself changed. My personal pride and sense of self-efficacy improved. I took similar action (which also turned out successfully) for two other issues. These reinforced my inner chatter/story, attitude, and mindset. Growth (mindset) all the way. Behavior changed too, with me pushing the edges of my horizon of possibilities.

How aware are we of our own self-limiting beliefs and negative internal chatter? Can we recognize the edges of our world, beyond which we will not travel? Where else might we get access to such information?

Where can we seek opportunities to shift and upgrade our inner game? When can we recognize the (self-imposed) limits of our world, express our courage, deal with our discomfort of not knowing, and run a (safe to fail) experiment? What conversations are missing we could put in to gather others’ support for this new path and adventure?

The need for effective leadership in the world has never been greater. It starts here, with each of us. Whether big and bold or low and slow, your intentional choice to play this game can have incredible ROI – ripples of impact. Your choice and the actions you take will shift your point of view and affect those around you. Be patient and persistent.

And I invite this as a worthy topic of care and conversation. Comments and stories welcome.

[1] Anderson, R.J., & Adams, W.A. (2016). Mastering leadership. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, p. 56.