The Five Pillars of Authentic Conversation

What’s meant by this word—authenticity, particularly when it refers to conversation? “Authenticity is the new emotional intelligence,” according to the human resources manager of Hampshire County Council.[i]

I like that.

A recent survey indicates that trust and transparency are more important to the reputation of a business than the quality of the products and services.[ii] Jill Morin, is her thought-provoking article: Better Make It Real: Defining and Expressing Organizational Authenticity, believes that authenticity happens

when organizations walk their talk. It is revealed moment by moment, through the experiences provided to stakeholders—employees, customers, vendors, suppliers, and other key business partners. When organizations are who they say they are and do what they say they do, they are able to thrive, in part because they differentiate themselves from the rest of the “us too” pack. The authenticity of any enterprise … begins with its leaders. [iii]

Here are the five pillars necessary for authenticity in conversations at work and a brief explanation:

Pillar 1—Agree on expectations

Agreeing on expectations sounds a simple premise, doesn’t it? But it’s not. To do this, a leader should answer five questions. They are: 

1. Do I know what I expect of others working in my area of responsibility?
2. Have I communicated my standards clearly?
3. Do others understand and accept my expectations?
4. Have I gained the commitment of others to consistent meet those standards?
5. Have I provided the right supportive environment for others to meet expectations?

Pillar 2—Challenge unhelpful behaviour

Unhelpful behaviour can be classified two ways. One type of behaviour is a one-off incident without precedent. The event is nevertheless significant enough to warrant the leader’s attention. Incidents like this could be an uncharacteristic outburst in the office, for example, that upsets several people. Or it could be someone loosing their cool with a customer over the telephone. Or it might be a failure to communicate vital information in a timely manner to a colleague. This communication lapse could seriously hamper the colleague from doing their job properly. Although not regular occurrences, these situations are obstructive.

The second kind of unhelpful behaviour is repetitive. The same themes occur; for example, it could involve excessive negativity in meetings. Or it might be apparent sexist behaviour, such as inappropriate jokes being told in the office. Or it could be continual tardiness; being perpetually late submitting work requirements beyond set deadlines. In these cases, a track record is forming and needs to be broken.

Whether one-off or on-going, the leader should sit down with the offender and discuss the behaviour with a view of remedying it. Large, one-off incidents or regular unhelpful patterns of behaviour are best tackled A.S.A.P. The longer unhelpful conduct is avoided, the harder it is to change the behaviour.

Pillar 3—Establish a trusting relationship

Trust and authenticity are related. Authentic communicating builds trust. We humans are good at sensing authenticity and in-authenticity. An authentic attitude and approach mean contributing openly and trustingly. A lack of trust, on the other hand, leads to superficiality. The interaction is guarded, shallow, and missing genuineness and openness. Having trust is critically important for any leader to function properly.

Pillar 4—Show genuine appreciation

Surveys consistently indicate that employees don’t receive enough—or any—appreciation for the work they do. As I raised earlier, it’s a significant reason why people ultimately leave to work somewhere else. Yet, many leaders find it difficult or unimportant to show their appreciation. It’s baffling. Showing appreciation, nevertheless, doesn’t cost a cent.

Pillar 5—Build for the future

Challenging unhelpful behaviour, the pillar we’ve just discussed, and the final pillar of authentic conversations are connected. The incident or incidents categorised as unhelpful behaviour serves as a reference point in the past. But the purpose of any constructive conversation is to build for the future; that is, changing the poor behaviour of the past to be improved behaviour in the future.

Despite what it may appear on the surface, challenging unhelpful behaviour is as much about planning for the future as it is learning from the past. Drawing attention to past incidents, the leader’s focus should be on rectifying this for the future. What needs to change? How can the person be supported to make those changes? are the questions the leader ought to focus on. Therefore, an essential pillar of the authentic conversation is to prepare for the future.

To recap: Establish a trusting relationship is the foundation for all productive conversations. Productive performance conversations training build trust. The first pillar: Agree on expectations, nurtures mutual understanding and lessens uncertainty. The second pillar: Challenging unhelpful behaviour, is concerned with upholding and continuing acceptable workplace practices. But leaders ought to be striving to develop and uphold trust in all they say and do. Showing genuine appreciation—the third pillar—is about respecting the employee as a human being. And build for the future—the fifth pillar—is based on using the conversation as a change agent. A leader would do well to keep these five pillars top of mind in all their interactions with others.

This is an extract from Tim Baker's latest book out shortly entitled: Bringing the Human Being Back to Work: The 10 Performance and Development Conversations Leaders Must Have.

Join me on Friday 26th of July from 12:30pm to 1:00pm AEST for a free webinar: The Five Pillars of Authentic Conversations.

Dr Tim Baker is a thought leader in leadership development and performance management, best selling author, and international consultant. having consulted across 21 industries over 18 years, Tim has discovered what makes people tick. To find out more, go to WINNERS-at-WORK Pty Ltd. 

You can book Tim Baker for you next conference at [email protected]

[i] CIPD (2012). Where has all the trust gone? London, Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development retrieved from https://www.trustinorganizations.com/Resources/Documents/WhereHasAllTheTrustGone.pdf.pdf

[ii] Morin, J.J. (2011). Better make it real: Defining and expressing organizational authenticity. Leader to Leader. 61, 12-16.

[iii] ibid