Unrequited Love: I QUIT! (10 Tips for dealing with Job Rejection)

A love affair gone awry. A candid look at my struggles in climbing the corporate ladder.

Years ago I worked for a very large organization. I was the model employee who all staff looked up to. I was chairperson of the employee action team, voted team player on numerous occasions and involved in almost every committee. My academic qualifications was way above the requirements. On the performance side, I had exceeded expectations in every set indicator for 6 consecutive years.

Yet my manager disliked me. It was so obvious and dense that I could practically cut this tension with a knife. He never recommended me for any promotions or training programmes. Every single time I tried to move up, I was blocked. However, where favouritism abounds pure talent is shunned.

The final straw came when I applied for a management trainee position. Everyone knew beforehand who would be receiving same, but I still applied in good faith. Later on, the HR officer called me into her office. The setting was perfect. I eagerly Ieaned forward expecting the sound of “sweet nothings” to be whispered in my ear, but she handed me back my application, “You were great”, she assured me “but we have chosen another." Her words came as a tonne of bricks crashing down on me. As I looked into her eyes I sensed she knew it was unfair.

Instead of my darling love professing how great I was, followed by an offer of marriage. I was left broken hearted. My dreams of the beautiful home with the picket fences came to a screeching halt. There would be no “happily ever after”.

I could hear the sound of my voice cracking with emotion as I grappled to come to terms with the truth. The road ahead looked quite daunting. If they didn’t even select me for a basic training programme, what other opportunities could there be? What else could I do to prove myself? Sorry, but I am a not a “kiss-up”. My mind ran across to a statement a staff member had previously uttered “They were blatantly stuffing square pegs into round holes.”

Then one day, while reading the newspapers, to my horror, I saw the same position being advertised externally. It was rejection, after rejection, after rejection... How much more could I take?

I remember crying so much that when I came to work the next day my eyes were swollen. When quizzed about the change in appearance, I said it was an allergic reaction.

I was tired of the lackluster sporadic acts of romance; the mini chocolates, the drooping roses and the unlabelled wine you sourced on sale, and oh yes, the unforgettable violinist who couldn’t keep one note. The worst part is, you were totally unaffectionate, just sitting there, not making eye contact or saying one word, looking all nonchalant and unperturbed by the pain your rejection was causing me. “Are you my dear still too tired to “tango” with me?”

After 6 years of pounding a door that just won’t open. I felt beaten down and exhausted. I wanted something more. I wanted a ring. I was fed up of waiting for you to change and putting up this facade that everything was well behind closed doors. What’s done in the dark must come to the light. You have clipped my wings enough. No longer would you smoulder my flames.

I have never considered myself a quitter but there comes a time, one must come to the realization, it doesn’t make sense. I had to put my foot down. I thought you were the one but it's quite evident the feelings aren’t mutual. The rendezvous was over. I had enough. Blow out the candles. It was time to part ways.

Often, out of our greatest rejection comes our greatest direction. Rejection is one of the most brutal stakes to the heart because it deals a direct hit to the ego. When the ego is bruised, a core element of our being is damaged. We often feel reduced to lesser version of ourselves.

Rejection is unavoidable in a creative life. Learning how to deal with rejection will keep you from plummeting into a place of immobilizing despair.

10 Tips for dealing with Job Rejection

1) Life is not Fair. Develop thicker skin. Be strong. Take Courage. Put full steam into the next best opportunity you are working on. Take action and Move on. But don’t just quit if you have commitments and bills to pay. Plan and strategize effectively. Stop being a well-kept secret…Shh! Get yourself out there. Networking is key.

2) Keep a positive mental attitude. Stay motivated. Pick up the pieces and dust yourself off. Recognize your thoughts and emotions. Don't get angry. Talk to someone who you can trust confidentially. Vent; and then get over it. Furthermore, don’t keep complaining about it. If you keep picking at a scab, the wound would keep bleeding and you will never heal.

An entire sea of water can't sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can't put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.

3) There are valuable life lessons you need to learn. You have to be refined and purified through the fire and only then can you come forth as pure gold. These lessons would equip you for the next phase of your journey. Ask yourself “What can I learn from this?’’. Maybe it’s time to start your own business, change career…etc

4) Nothing happens before it’s time. At that very moment, you are there for a reason. When we get rejected we trap ourselves in a moment of doubt and distress. Don’t feel sorry for yourself and slump into an attitude of self-pity. If you didn’t get the position, it was never meant for you. Don’t settle for less. There is better in store "This too shall pass".

5) Sometimes, the truth is the other candidates chosen were more suitable. Seek continuous self-improvement. Rejection offers us a chance to evolve through and learn from our experiences. Focus on personal development (spiritual, emotional, mental, social, physical).

6) Don’t take it personally. Rejection is not a measure of your self–worth. When somebody rejects you, they are acting on their own insecurities and fears. You need to accept that eyes will be given to those who are meant to see your greatness. Sometimes it’s just a few bad eggs. They don’t represent the whole company.

7) Avoid over- thinking the rejection. Don’t beat yourself up and keep replaying how you could have told them off. Just don’t give up, when one door closes, try another door. Keep trying sooner or later the right door will open and you will have matured and be better prepared to function in your new role.

8) Focus on the positives of your current job environment. I enjoyed helping customers and I loved the people I worked with. They were really nice, down to earth and always made me laugh. Because of your experience in this area, others will look to you for guidance. Be a Light.

9) Be aware of your reaction to rejection. Be courteous. Don’t harbour any resentment. Don’t let anyone’s opinion of you change your attitude or take away your smile. Your demeanour must still show you are enjoying the job you are doing. Continue giving 100%. I’ve seen too many employees get disgruntled, refusing to take part in team building activities and start producing sloppy work.

10) Ask the interviewer for constructive feedback. Listen intently - When I sought insight regarding why I wasn’t selected, the HR officer basically told me, management didn’t particularly fancy eagles and recommended I wear an ill-fitting chicken suit to blend in.

From the moment you decide to travel on that road called Success. Be prepared for the storm to intensify and the raging seas to fervently toss you to and fro. However, stay focused. Hold on. Make sure your anchor is grounded and you will be fine. I would like to share the following 10 quotes on rejection. Hope it will inspire you to keep pressing on.

My Top 10 Rejection Quotes

“As I look back on my life. I realized Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.” ~Steve Maraboli

“Rejection is the sand in the oyster, the irritant that ultimately produces the pearl.” ~Burke Wilkinson

“Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you." ~Walt Disney

“I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. It’s because of them I’m doing it myself." ~Albert Einstein

“If you aren't getting rejected on a daily basis, your goals aren't ambitious enough.” ~Chris Dixon.

“I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours – so enjoy the view.” ~ Michael York

“Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you have to offer.” ~Mark Amend

“Don’t be offended by rejection, instead let it strengthen your belief that God has better things in store for your dream” ~John Di Lemme

“Never Give Up! Failure And Rejection Are Only The First Step To Succeeding.” ~Jim Valvano

Rejection on the whole is painful. But viewing rejection as necessary and even positive will help you overcome it that much more easily. Recognize the hidden elements of this emotion as catalysts for productive change towards a better, stronger, more powerful you!

What are your tips for dealing with career rejection?

I really appreciate that you are taking the time to read this post. Here are the other 14 posts I have written:

• Step into the Future of LinkedIn
• The 3 Pills every Leader should take
• Leadership...the art of Inspiring self
• 5 Deadly Sins of Leadership
• Leaders: Beware of Followers
• Life Lessons Successful Leaders wish they had learned earlier
• Are Leaders Born or Made? A True Story
• Failure the Key to Success
• 5 Qualities of Truly Remarkable Leaders
• 10 Tips to Boost Employee Morale
• 7 P’s to Achieving your Goals
• 15 Best Quotes from the Top LinkedIn Influencers
• 10 Exercise Tips for Professionals - Aging and beating the middle age spread
• Never Give Up!

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