Zero expectations and the real meaning of priority and rest
SJ Fallick
Senior Marketing Generalist | Strategy | Content | Events | Energised by purpose-led growth | Known for championing company culture and making things happen
Welcome to November’s Future You. Not only are we late to the party, but we’ve had a last-minute outfit change. Let me explain…
This month I was going to write about curiosity, an idea I had back in August, that has been steadily taking shape ever since. After a few particularly busy weeks, I was also expecting myself to write this in my post-ear operation “downtime”, also known as medical leave (for good reason).?
I don’t know when I will fully realise the importance of rest. I used to be the person who would push myself to go to the gym, even if I was getting sick but, after a year’s worth of long-covid, I am much better at listening to my body and respecting my energy levels.?
That said, as my aspirations for my five days off demonstrate, I still have a long way to go. I may not have made plans, but my list of what I was hoping to achieve is comical. As the saying goes, 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.' In reality, the pain and dizziness saw me rotating between the bed and the couch, counting down until I could take more meds, with my main achievement being completing another season of Below Deck Down Under.
As per usual, my frustration was entirely self-inflicted by my ridiculous expectations and resistance. I was so focused on where I wanted to be, that I was refusing to accept where I was - to see what was in my control, rather than what wasn’t.?
Even worse, I know I am not alone. I regularly listen to my friends berating themselves for all the things they haven’t achieved, all the impossible standards they didn’t live up to. But often, it is our expectations that hurt us the most. This leads me to a new strategy I have been testing - zero expectations.
As detailed below, I have been loving the 1-2-3 method in approaching my days, however, not all days are created equal. On the tougher ones, when you’re tired, not feeling well or struggling to have clarity and focus, do yourself a favour and remove any expectations. It’s amazing how much lighter you will feel without the weight of them dragging you down and, as I’ve often found, you may end up achieving more because you removed the ‘have tos’ immediately transforming them into ‘get tos’.
All this to say, this month I didn’t feel like writing about curiosity. Not only am I not feeling curious but it didn’t feel genuine to write about when in reality I am laser-focused on my health.
Something else I’ve learnt recently is that while we may be fed the idea that you need to keep all burners (family, friends, health, career) firing at all times, this is not entirely true. Sometimes, it’s easier to pick one area of your life that needs to be the priority (see real definition below) and focus your attention there. That doesn’t mean switching off the other burners but, maybe it's a bit much to expect them to all be boiling at the same time. Let them simmer in the background while you focus on single-tasking.?
Less burning, more beschaulich.
VISIT: Re:Mind
I have targeted ads to thank for discovering Re:Mind. Amid the hustle and bustle of Victoria’s coach and train stations, you’d be forgiven for missing the unassuming studio on Eccleston Place. But behind the arched entry, lies an oasis of calm you definitely don’t want to miss.
If welcoming was a place, Re:Mind would be it. The antidote to a hectic and always-on world, you immediately feel the change of pace the minute you step through the front door. So often we are hurried along, rushed through meals to give back a table. Not at Re:Mind. Here you are actively encouraged to linger - with comfortable couches, fresh pots of herbal tea and shelves lined with books to prove it.?
The real star is the studio. Head up the small staircase and you’ve stumbled upon the cosiest room you can imagine. With an intricate altar of crystal lights as the backdrop, the intimate space is laid out with futons, pillows and blankets to cocoon you.
Healing is at the centre of all classes, with breathwork, reiki, yoga, sound baths, energy weaving and tarot reading on offer. So far, I have joined a sound bath and crystal bowl session, floating out of the studio on both occasions.?
Whether you’re in London or not, finding a sanctuary amid our over-stimulated world is more important than ever. A peaceful space for prioritising yourself, where you can tune out the outside noise and focus on your inner world. And if you are in London, or passing through anytime soon, I highly recommend a healing visit to Re:Mind.
IMPLEMENT: 1-2-3
Previously, I used a 1-3-5 method for approaching my work each day. I’ve been using it for so many years now, that I can’t remember where I adopted it from however, the idea was one ‘big’ task, three medium tasks and five smaller (usually more admin-based) to-dos. While it did help me to focus, avoid overwhelm and improve my productivity, between calls and meetings, I often found it a stretch to get through all eight tasks in a day.
Fast-forward to September, I learned of an even more streamlined version in Greg McKeown’s 1-Minute Wednesday newsletter.?
Meet the 1-2-3 method. Similar to the 1-3-5 approach, except now you are identifying:
McKeown’s approach is based on the true definition of ‘priority’, originating from the Latin word ‘prior’ meaning first or earliest. The key point is that it's singular in its use.
“The idea was simple. There was one thing that stood out as being the foremost or leading concern. However, as time progressed and the pace of life became more complex, particularly in the modern industrial age, the term evolved to encompass the plural priorities indicating a shift in thinking. Suddenly it became common to speak of having multiple top concerns or tasks reflecting the multifaceted demands of contemporary life.”?
Having tested the 1-2-3 method for two months now, to help structure both my personal and professional days, I am a believer. Not only does it feel more achievable than the 1-3-5 method (evidenced by the fact I complete all tasks more often than when it was eight) but it also demands you to narrow your focus even further, providing more clarity on where to direct your energy and, in turn, a better rate of success.?
If you are struggling to know where to begin with your to-do list or lacking direction and focus in your life, I highly recommend testing out this method. It’s easy as 1-2-3.
Beyond the 1-2-3 method, I am a huge fan of McKeown’s work helping others Design A Life That Really Matters and highly recommend his short, easily digestible podcast and newsletter as well as his brilliant two books; Essentialism and Effortless.
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WATCH: The real reason why we are tired and what to do about it
Rest has never been a big word in my vocabulary, with its main appearances in ‘no rest for the wicked’ or hypocritically telling other people to ‘rest up’ something I rarely do myself. This probably explains why it has taken me until my mid-30s to learn that not all rest is created equal.
You’d be forgiven for thinking that rest and sleep are interchangeable, but sleep is only one of the seven(!) different forms of rest. While sleep may rejuvenate us physically, we also require mental, spiritual, emotional, social, sensory and creative rest.?
In our over-stimulated, always-on world, it is more important than ever that we broaden the way we think about rest, to ensure we are getting the right type at the right time. Saundra Dalton-Smith’s 10-minute TedxAtlanta talk had me at the title, and is a great place to start your ‘rest revolution’.
WORD OF THE MONTH: Beschaulich
Further proof that the Germans have all the best words. Beschaulich refers to the peaceful and contemplative well-being that results from living a simple unhurried life.
SUPPORT: 50 Miles for Macmillan
Another successful targeted ad, Macmillan Cancer Support has always been a charity close to my heart. A leading cause of death worldwide, in 2020 cancer accounted for 10 million deaths. With the chances of developing the disease now at one in every two people, it would be hard for cancer not to have affected someone you know. I thank the universe every day that my own Mum overcame her breast cancer and has been cancer-free for nine years now. But not everyone is as lucky.
Back to Macmillan. As they state on their website, ‘Cancer is not going anywhere. And neither are we.’ On a mission to provide the best possible support for people living with cancer, an incredible 98% of their income comes from voluntary donations. With countless ways to fundraise, this month I have joined their challenge to walk 50 miles in November.
Given I am unable to exercise post-ear-op, this felt like a great opportunity to keep moving while stepping up for a great cause. To make it even more of a challenge I have upped the 50 miles (80kms) to 100kms. Nine days out, I’m three-quarters of the way to my walking goal but could use a leg-up on the fundraising side. With payday just around the corner for many of us, if you’re able to contribute, I’d appreciate donations of any amount to help me support the crucial services Macmillan provides.
CURATED CLICKS:
*This is not a sponsored post, just a genuine endorsement as we go into cold and flu season. They are currently offering 20% off for Black Friday.
PONDER:
“In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves, and to, in turn, feel the need to be constantly visible - or visibility, these days, seems to somehow equate to success - do not be afraid to disappear. From it, from us, for a while. And see what comes to you in the silence.” - Michaela Coel
I hope this instalment of Future You has sparked some inspiration. If so, please do share it with a friend or colleague who could also find it useful.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on removing expectations and what you’re taking away from this month’s topic in the comments below.?
Best,
SJ