The Yulefather

(and more at rickzworld)

You’ve seen crowds make way for his long red sleigh with the blacked-out windows as it proceeded through the old neighborhood. You’ve noted his omnipresent violin case (which some say conceals a caroler’s trumpet). You recall his daughter’s lavish wedding party where hundreds of gaily-garbed elves danced the tarantella.

The Yulefather is an enduring icon of society, a god-like figure, to whom one NEVER forgets a debt. Yet he occasionally (in fact, once each Christmas) showers us with gifts. He keeps meticulous well-hidden ledgers recording just who’s been Naughty and who’s been Nice.

And he’s a wise guy, wise beyond his years. He’s passed on such words of wisdom as “Leave the whipped cream, take the maraschinos!” and “I’ll leave him a present he can’t refuse.” Like those of any stern father, his words can sometimes seem ominous: “He sleeps with the walruses.” or “Rudolph, I know it was you.”

So, this year, why not be sure to stay on The Yulefather’s good side? Forget that platter of oatmeal raisin cookies and mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows. Instead, break out a fresh cannoli or some almond biscotti, and a dram of your best anisette.