You’ve lost connection. Reconnecting you now.
Hi there—this is a series of articles sharing my learnings from 5 years exploring my digital habits.
So far, I've?shared why we're living in an age of?digital overwhelm, the moment my relationship with my tech?changed forever, and how this led me to recognise my?unhealthy social media habits.
Today, I want to talk about how our digital habits can impact our connection with others in person, and the moment I realised that I needed to disconnect my phone and reconnect my social life.
I’m sitting at breakfast when my partner joins me in the kitchen. We start to chat while she makes a cup of tea.
My phone buzzes on the table. I pick it up and see a message from a friend. They’re asking where we should meet for lunch. My partner is telling me about her day. She’s worried about a project at work. I listen to her as I open maps and start looking at cafe options.
Suddenly, I notice my partner has stopped talking and is looking at me. I realise she has asked me a question, and I have no idea what she has just said.
I have three choices.
The thing is, I honestly thought I was paying attention. Clearly I overestimated my ability to multitask. I decide not to risk it. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
She rolls her eyes. “I can see you’re busy. Let’s talk about this later”.
That evening I’m at dinner with friends. We haven’t seen each other for weeks, but right now everyone is sitting in silence, distracted by our phones. I look up and realise what’s happening.
“Shall we have a tech free meal?” I venture. A couple of people nod and put their phones away. The other two carefully place their phones on the table and launch into a conversation about how badly their partners are addicted to their phones.
It’s 2017 and I’m on a mission to discover how my digital habits are impacting my connection with others.
I’m amazed to discover that this practice of snubbing others in favour of our mobile phones has a name. Phubbing. I also find a mass of studies exploring the impact phubbing can have on our relationships and wellbeing.
One A set of studies actually showed that just having a phone visible during a conversation (say, on the table) interferes with your sense of connection to the other person, the feelings of closeness experienced, and the quality of the conversation.
In a?study titled, “My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone,”?the researchers suggest that phubbing can lead to a decline in one of the most important relationship we can have as an adult: the one with our life partner.
So why do we do it? According to another study by Chicago University the urge to check social media is stronger than the urge for sex.
As I reviewed this research I realised that I needed to make some serious life changes.
My unhealthy relationship with my tech was impacting my physical health, my mental wellbeing and my connection with the important people in my life.
Recognising the severity of the situation I decided to take extreme action.
I booked myself onto a digital detox retreat, ordered a selection of self-help books on how to unplug and installed a bunch of apps designed to limit phone access.
In?my?next article, I’ll share with you how my radical approach turned out and how a fifteenth-century abbot helped me find a better path.
Want to build a better relationship with your devices?
I'm hosting a handful of free workshops to get you started.
Habits for Digital Wellness (live session)
Join me on Friday May 5th at 4pm GMT to celebrate Digital Wellness Day, and make some time to develop habits for your own wellbeing.
In this one-hour interactive session, you'll choose an experiment from our Digital Habit Lab, and learn how to apply it to your life straight away.
Digital Habit Foundations (live session)
Join me on Wednesday May 10th at 4pm GMT for a live one-hour session introduction into the science and neuroscience of tech and digital wellness, and how to reduce distraction by taking control of notifications on your own terms.
Getting M.O.R.E. from your tech (live session)
Join me on Thursday May 18th at 4pm GMT where I share a one-hour distillation of the methodology we teach at the Mind over Tech.
I hope you’ll join me, I look forward to seeing you there.
Jonathan Garner Founder of Mind over Tech
A seasoned web developer and user experience designer, Jonathan has spent the last 10 years designing and delivering programmes that demystify disruptive technologies, like Machine Learning and AI, to C-suite leaders around the world. ?
In 2015, while on a meditation retreat, Jonathan suddenly found himself doomscrolling in a locked toilet cubicle. He founded Mind over Tech with the mission to help himself, and others, find a better relationship with their tech while embracing the gifts of the digital world.
He firmly believes that exploring our digital habits can turn the mundane reality of emailing and zooming into fuel for personal transformation.