YouTube TV: Saving You from Cable, One Price Hike at a Time

From cord-cutting savior to cable’s evil twin.

Well, it finally happened. YouTube TV, the people’s hero of the streaming world, has decided to reward its loyal subscribers with a delightful 14% price hike, bringing the monthly fee to a cool $82.99. Because nothing says "we value you" like making you feel nostalgic for the days when cutting the cord actually saved you money.

The Streaming "Bargain" of the Century

Remember when YouTube TV burst onto the scene in 2017, waving its affordable pricing flag and promising a better, cheaper alternative to cable? Fast forward to today, and they’ve stealthily transformed into the very thing they vowed to destroy. At this rate, we’ll soon be longing for the simplicity of $150 cable bundles that at least came with a free remote you could lose under the couch.

And let’s not forget their justification: “rising programming costs.” Oh, of course. Because it must be soooo difficult for Google, the literal titan of tech, to scrape together a few extra dollars to keep ESPN running smoothly. Maybe if they added another zero to their ad revenue, they could afford to keep prices stable. But nah, why do that when they can just make you pay more?

Unlimited DVR—Because That’s Definitely Worth $82.99

One of YouTube TV’s big selling points is its unlimited DVR. How generous of them to let us record as much content as we want… in an era where most shows are available on-demand anyway. Truly groundbreaking. I, for one, can’t wait to pay an extra $10 a month to store reruns of Friends that I’ll never actually watch.

And let’s not forget the stellar channel lineup—so stellar that half the channels are rerunning old reality shows, infomercials, or Hallmark movies. Nothing screams premium experience like paying nearly $1,000 a year to occasionally watch live sports and 24-hour news.

Live Sports and Cable Nostalgia

Ah yes, live sports—the supposed crown jewel of YouTube TV. Because who wouldn’t want to pay $82.99 just to watch games that are already riddled with ads and blackouts? It’s like YouTube TV saw traditional cable and said, “We can do that too—just without the box!”

And the beauty of it all? By the time you add in those must-have channel add-ons, your YouTube TV subscription could easily rival your old cable bill. But don’t worry; you’re still a cord-cutter. You’re just cutting it with a diamond-studded pair of scissors.

What’s Next? A $100 Tier?

At the rate they’re going, YouTube TV will hit $100 a month in no time, and they’ll still call it a great deal. Maybe they’ll throw in some extra perks, like letting you pick which commercials to watch or a complimentary apology email for every price hike.

But hey, don’t forget, they’re doing this for you. You know, to ensure you have the highest quality TV experience that your wallet can barely handle. It’s not about the profits—it’s about the love. Google has always been known for its warm, fuzzy, customer-first approach, right?

Final Thoughts: Thanks, But No Thanks

YouTube TV’s new pricing is a stark reminder that the golden age of streaming is over. What started as a way to stick it to the cable companies has evolved into a slightly shinier, equally expensive version of the same old trap. So go ahead, YouTube TV, keep raising those prices. We’ll be here, nostalgically scrolling through Netflix, wondering why we ever thought paying for live TV in 2024 was a good idea.

Oh, and don’t forget to tell us when the next price hike is coming—preferably with a comedy skit to soften the blow. After all, if we’re paying $82.99 a month, we at least deserve a good laugh.