"If You're Not Yourself, You're Nobody... So Why Conform?

As humans, we must walk a thin, sometimes almost invisible line of being unique and conforming. What we do to ourselves is actually quite confusing. To earn a job, leadership role, or recognition, some level of individuality had to be displayed. Awards would not exist if people couldn't differentiate themselves in meaningful ways. People need leaders and not everyone can lead. So, why can't we just blaze into our workplaces proudly displaying our gifts, talents, and ideas from day one? The faster we do that, the faster everyone will see the value we can bring! If we know the strengths that got us into this role, is there a need to walk the line of what's already in place?

My husband, Josh had the opportunity to learn this lesson in real time when he went through Special Forces Selection in 2010. For three weeks, Josh would be evaluated for potential candidacy in the Special Forces Qualification Course (the "Q-Course") in a process nicknamed "19 Days in Hell." Prior to Selection, Josh had done well in basic training and airborne school. He'd shown substantial leadership potential and was predicted to do well in the Q-Course. All of that depended on if he survived the 19 days of Selection. As his fiance, I was afraid of Selection. Anything named "19 Days in Hell" couldn't be good, but I also feared him getting severely injured or worse, not getting selected. I would get no updates from him during the 19 days, only a phone call at the end saying "I made it" or "I didn't make it." In the fall of 2010, Josh and approximately 400 other soldiers were shipped to Camp McCall to begin the 19 Days in Hell. The participants are referred to as "candidates" each stripped of their ranks and given a number written on a clothe tag that was to stay on their shoulder patches at all times. If ever a candidate was ready to quit, he could turn in his number to the cadre and is dismissed from any further activities. For 19 days, the candidates are put through grueling exercises with the intent to find the weak. They are broken in early with "Log PT"-- hours of shoulder presses, squats, sit-ups, and overhead holds with a telephone pole in the mud. When the telephone pole isn't being used, candidates are told to roll in the mud until they are completely nauseated and their uniforms are black. This first couple of days usually eliminates at least thirty percent of the initial group. The remainder of the candidates are given time to pack a ruck (minimum fifty pounds) and they are taken into the woods for the Star Land Navigation segment of Selection. Armed with only a map, protractor, and a compass, each candidate has ten hours to find the five points before sunrise. Candidates are not allowed to walk on the roads or use any kind of flashlight while moving so they must cross waist-deep creeks and thick vegetation with no visibility. If candidates pass land navigation, they are advanced to the "Nasty Nick" obstacle course-- a two mile course designed to reveal any and all fears of the candidates by forcing them into tight spaces and extreme heights with no safety rope. Those that haven't quit have made it to the final phase: team week. Candidates are put into groups and are tasked with challenges like "Down Pilot"-moving a larger-than-life size body bag (the "down pilot") to safety carrying a makeshift gurney or moving an explosive liquid (400 pound barrel of water) across six miles with only lashing straps, two tires, and poles. All while still carrying their rucks and being responsible for their own navigation. Between all of these phases, the Special Forces cadre sprinkle in as much unpredictability as possible. One minute the announcement board says to be in formation in one hour, the next minute it says be in PT uniform in ten minutes. Finishing faster than someone else is not a reward. Those that finish first stand in formation until the rest cross the finish line, even if that means standing for hours. And for the duration of Selection, no one was ever going to get more than three hours of sleep at a time. On the 19th day, Josh and the remaining candidates stood in formation to hear their number called as either selected or non-selected. Candidate #419 PFC Joshua Wetzel had been selected to begin the Q-Course.

I was so proud of Josh! I had worried and prayed like crazy for the three weeks while he was at Camp McCall. Just being honest, I had prepared myself for him to not be selected. Not because I didn't think he could do it, but because no one is immune to unpredictable misfortune. Even the most capable, superstar soldiers can fail due to broken bones, torn ligaments, or sickness. Much like war, the fate of any soldier can be changed by placement and timing. I couldn't help but wonder how Josh made it. I imagined he showed exceptional leadership, communicated great ideas, and completed tasks in record time. The truth was quite the contrary. With eagerness, I asked "so, what's the secret??"

"Be the gray man," Josh said.

I didn't understand what he meant.

"Selection is not the time to be a stud," Josh explained. "Studs standout and standouts get killed in combat. Selection is about blending in so well that no one can tell who the leader is and who the followers are. If you can go 19 days without drawing attention to yourself, you're probably going to get selected. They only want team people."

I didn't realize I was married to such a philosopher! What a great way to describe leadership. Anyone trying to draw attention to themselves during such a grueling evaluation process shows that he has one priority: self advancement. In battle, there are no singular wins, thus leadership should be so subtle the followers don't realize they are being lead. Each person should always be preparing to lead AND preparing to follow. Standouts, whether they be from displaying too much strength or too much weakness, are liabilities. Life and death depends on who can keep up with the herd.

So why conform? In a lot of ways, it sounds like laying aside our ambitions to "do it like it's always been done." What about the part of us that wants to make a difference? What do we do when we strongly believe things need to change? The answer: teams only want team people, even if everything we feel is true. Before you ever rise to leadership or recognition, you must show your commitment to group advancement, not self advancement. Thus, conformity earns influence. If you enter each day prepared to both lead and follow, not only do you expect leadership out of yourself, but you anticipate it (with excitement) from others. This creates a team player that celebrates team wins. It also creates an innovator ready to solve problems. It shows respect for "the way it's always been done" even if that way needs improvement. Commit yourself fully to the methods that existed before you got there and find improvement by asking "how can I make this better?"

Being a Christian, I also believe this is how God's blessings work. God will always ask "what do you have?" before He asks "what do you want?" because God can do things like feed 5000 with just a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish. If we enter a workplace just eager to serve and be used, our voice will be heard because our intentions are pure: do my job to advance the team. The gray man might be gray, but he never stands alone. Be blessed!