You're a walking paradox

But hey, aren't we all?

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One story for you

I had big plans for this week. My weekly check-in on Monday was ambitious, and read as a priority: write 50% of the self-confidence ebook.

It was a week with little hours of coaching, two full days with no meetings, which meant I’d be able to write. My ambition was motivated by, of course, my desire to get the book out, but also the fact that I took it easy last week as I traveled to my hometown to visit friends and family.

This week was a good week to be hyper-focused and productive.

Now, around 11 AM Monday, a huge migraine took over. I’ve been sick since then. I gathered my energy to deliver on what could not be postponed but did not have enough gas in the tank to write 50% of the ebook or reply to most of my emails for that matter.

I prioritized calls and decided that writing, business development, and emails could wait until I felt better.

Rest became the priority. It’s what you have to do when you are sick and want to recover. It’s self-love and self-respect to slow down when your body signals it to you. Plus, when I rest and do nothing, is usually when I have my best ideas.

It’s a no-brainer, right?

Unless you own a business, and know the mounting guilt and self-imposed unrealistic standards that can come with being your own boss.

My goal for 2024 is to nurture a peaceful mindset when it comes to my business, to be a relaxed entrepreneur.

The behavior of a relaxed entrepreneur amongst others is accepting, being at peace with external circumstances, and adjusting accordingly.

Yet, I watched my thoughts all week go down rabbit holes like:

• Why is this happening now to me?
• I don’t want to be sick
• I don’t want to rest, I got stuff to do
• If we rest, it’ll delay the publishing date, potential clients’ signatures, conversations with partners, and everything may fall apart…

My reaction to being sick was not peace. I resisted, negotiated, went into victim mode… until I caught myself.

My initial behavior did not match my intention.

“You’re a walking paradox” was my first thought. And the irony is not lost on me when my job is to gently mirror their paradoxes to my clients.

We all have these misalignments between what we say we want, and our behaviors, and it’s not always obvious.

What are Paradoxes?

A disconnect between a conscious and a less conscious (or unconscious) part of us.

I have a conscious desire to be relaxed. On a less conscious level, I have a belief that if I relax, everything will fall apart.

Even when I manage to quiet my mind, which I am proud to say I’m getting better and better at, it catches on me. I get stressed cause I’m not stressed and something must be wrong.

In this case, my behavior does not match what I want. When I adjust my behavior, it’s new, and weird, because I’ve never been this way, so my mind tries to push me to my old ways. And if I am tired, or not super present (like when you’re sick), it happens even faster.

For some paradoxes, the struggle is the other way around. You think you want something but can’t seem to adjust your behavior for it. In that case, it’s usually because you’re chasing the wrong goal, and you need to investigate the why behind your goal.

One nudge for you

If you’re currently working towards a goal and feel like there’s a lot of resistance, or you can’t seem to achieve it. Journal, or think through these questions.

• What’s one goal that seems to be difficult to get?
• What’s the behavior (thoughts and actions) of someone reaching that goal?
• What’s your behavior like? Is there a disconnect?
• Why the disconnect, is it because it’s new and scary? Is it because actually, it’s not a goal you want?

If it’s new and scary, congratulations! You got a taste of the other side, now you need to be disciplined with your mind and keep this behavior until it becomes your new normal.

If the goal is not what you want, dig deeper. What feeling were you chasing with this goal? What new goal could help you achieve that feeling?

As always, I appreciate you for reading! I am now off for some more rest (and fairly relaxed about it!)

Orianne

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If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Orianne, I share weekly tools to help you reduce overthinking and boost your self-confidence.

A bit more about me: I am a mindset coach. I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read several books simultaneously (currently The 10th Insight by James Redfield, & Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab).

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