"You're so fake!"
Jeffro Ong
Strategist, Coach, Trainer & Speaker | Unlocking High-Performing Teams with Applied Emotional Intelligence (EQ), Employee Experience (EX) & Agile | BE Agile & Not Just DO Agile
Flashback! 15 years ago.
It was after a leadership program, she pulled me to a side as we were leaving the hall.
"You're always smiling. When someone said something hurtful or do wrong to you, you just smile. I know that's not real. It's like you hide all the pain behind those smiles." And she walked away.
Rewind the clip on the same day!
One of the participants at the program said nasty remark about me and intentionally left me out an activity. I just smiled. As if nothing wrong happened and it was ok. That was the only way I knew how to deal with frustration then.
Then:
I grew up to the sayings of:
"Boys don't cry. Men must be strong."
"Men can shed blood, but not tears."
"Don’t show your emotions. People will think you are weak."
I thought a smile could help me get away with it. Show others that I'm strong, maybe even confuse the "enemies". And hopefully it'll make me feel better too.
It hit me hard!
When she frustratedly walked away.
Hearing her say that I was fake, and as we parted, ONCE AGAIN, I SMILED.
Now!
It was only several years later that I realized that smiling is only strong and useful when we learn how to deal with our pain first. It is a mighty weapon we have.
Here are what helped me:
?? Pause a while to look into your emotions and yourself
?? Spare an uninterrupted moment to understand what you're experiencing
?? Remind yourself that it's ok to feel whatever you feel
?? Check with yourself if you're ready to move on
?? Take baby steps towards making yourself feel better
?? Talk to or ask help from someone you can trust
Hope these help you too.
Don't wait too long to deal with your emotions.
The more you neglect them, it more difficult it gets to deal with them.
When you're able to work with your emotions, you can wield your smiles to your advantage and increase your influence.
That being said, I learned another important lesson too.
Behind every sweet smile, there is a bitter sadness that no one can ever see and feel.
When you see someone smile their best, give them an acknowledgement and support them.
Many had asked me how do I smile so joyfully. What's my secret to that?
Today I use my smile, not to hide my pain but to help lift others from theirs.
In my quest of making workplaces and homes a healthy and happy place, I invite you to join me in giving our best smiles to people around us!
Who's with me?
#withjeffroong
#emotionalmanagement
I help teams thrive via apt knowledge management practices
3 年I just gave a similar comment on another post. We practise our "bad" habits because they are beneficial to us in some way. Instead of trying to?live up?to?people's?expectations, we should respect our own imperfections and be self-aware of our character, feelings, motives and desires when doing anything.
Linkedln Top Corporate Communications Voice?? Top Problem Solving Voice ?? CEO/Founder of Jaysas Corporate Communications & Brand Management, Head- Corporate Communications of Jaysas Global Technologies Sdn Bhd
3 年It's common and at times very disheartening. Move on, better things to concentrate so I don't take to heart ??. Your smile is really stunning and give your best to everyone ?
Pre-planning consultant and Team Builder of Nirvana Asia | Olylife’s PEMF Therapy Sharer | BNI United | 42km marathon finisher | US Mechanical Engineer Degree holder | Mountain KK top climber | A Sandakian base in KL
3 年I believe the best way to react to this kind of comment is to smile even brighter.
I help salespeople and working professionals sell their ideas better without being "salesy" and rigid
3 年I got this several times before last time. And for me, I was quite taken aback initially. After a while, i didn't care so much because there's a realization that it could them having a bad day- therefore they may not think that smiling whole day could be a habit for some. That motivates me even more to make a difference in others.
Learn as much as you can and don't be afraid to spread your wings
3 年Ya, I am with you 500% on this. I was once deemed as a non performer by my boss, I never did anything right in her book, I know she talked about me to my colleagues and even scolded me in front of everyone, I kept it together, always smiling until my colleagues said I was so thick skinned for still smiling after...I never showed them that I cried so hard when I was alone. Those smiles kept my spirit up.