You're NOTHING, but you're always right. | Bad Job Diaries #9

My name is Oliver, my childhood dream job turned out to be a proper sucky one, and this is what I learned:

Which one?! It must be one, or the other.

There’s either something completely wrong with me, or I’m surrounded by insane people! ????♂?

Feeling like a driver who is facing oncoming traffic in the opposite direction, yet is unsure whether it is HIM on the wrong side of the road, I was actively quizzing my co-workers about what compelled them to stay with a company and a job I despised..?

Where did they find the motivation to withstand the harassment, all the angry outbursts of a sociopathic supervisor, the disgusting living conditions? ??

Was their grandma being held hostage, with the only way to set her free being to work this job? ????

No(!)... Were THEY being held captive, and were we just seeing a classic case of Stockholm Syndrome? ??

Or(!)... Was there an imperceptible scar behind their left ear as a result of a small incision during a special kind of surgery that had surgeons insert a small - yet extremely powerful - C4 charge which detonates upon terminating the job's contract? ??

There simply HAD TO be some super-complexly convoluted hidden reason - Surely, no one could have genuinely LIKED this job, right? ????♂?

However, as I spoke to my colleagues, their life stories, ambitions, and motivations, I found that a lot of them simply… did.

But the more I racked my brain to figure out what is wrong with these people (...or is there something wrong with me?), the more I realized I’ve been once again experiencing a powerful, ever-present - yet almost always ignored - single-word phenomenon:

Officially defined as “the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own - with their own feelings, and emotions”, I just call it the “You ain’t sh*t” moment ("You're nothing" moment, for the faint-hearted ??). It’s the moment you understand that your opinion is insignificant and never objectively correct, as the lives of others are too populated with their own ambitions, routines, worries, and inherited craziness that makes them see the world in a completely different light.

In his book This Is Marketing, Seth Godin (my second favorite bald celeb, behind Jason Statham) coins a simple, related concept: “People like us do things like this.” And since I didn’t like the given instance of “doing things like this”, I simply don’t belong to my colleague’s group of “people like us”. ????♂?

And guess what? It might make me a bit of an outcast, but there is no shame in that. It’s not humiliating. I’m not wrong because of that, nor am I right to call my previous job terrible and judge those who love it. I hated it, yes, but they did it happily because of a completely different world view driven by a completely different set of beliefs and motivations.

As a result, our evaluation criteria differed so vastly to place us on the very opposite sides of the opinion spectrum, yet were both “right” (...in our individual world views) and did what was “best” (...in our individual world views): Just like when a 30-year old soccer mom buys a large, safe, family-sized SUV as its her dreamy “best car”, unlike the 55-year old whose new Porsche is the best for his purpose (= to fulfill his dreams of becoming the next Hugh Hefner by attracting 20-something-year olds ??♀?).

Loving a job that others dislike doesn’t make you weird: it’s right FOR YOU. ????

Taking less money for such a job isn’t automatically a bad decision: again, it might make sense FOR YOU and your situation. ????

On the contrary, taking more money for a job you don’t enjoy doesn’t make you a greedy Mr. Krabs-like character: if it makes sense, take it! (Would I personally have stayed if the job’s salary had two extra zeros? Probably. ??)

Equally, it's okay to pay a lot of money to get a degree and enjoy a rockin’ college experience... ??????

...or to move to LA with a dream of becoming an actor, instead... ??????

…to pursue a career, rather than motherhood, deciding not to have children… ??????

...it’s as okay as liking the color purple, or preferring spaghetti carbonara over bolognese. (Imagine, we roasted people for their color and/or food preferences as much as we do for their life choice preferences. ??)

The world is an incredibly subjective place, open to a huge number of interpretations (almost 7.7 billion, to be exact) - and what’s worse, all of them are equally as legitimate! ??

Of course I, personally, think my interpretation, POV, and beliefs are the best, legitimate-est ones! Seriously: what kind of bozo would I be if I actively held a belief that I knew wasn't the best? (A massive bozo, that’s what! ??) But the issue is that you are no bozo either: YOU, too, think that YOUR viewpoint is the best.

And we’re both right, technically: yours IS the best (for you), and mine IS the best (for me). Even if we’re on the opposite sides of any ideological spectrum. ??

Trying to internalize this certainly takes plenty of empathy but achieving sonder yields massive dividends down the line:

Not only will you become less judgemental and more understanding… ??

Not only will there be fewer unnecessary arguments over differing viewpoints on a single societal topic/issue... (Some people simply like working 9-5 and want to go to college, get over it, #entrepreneurs! ??)

But - most importantly - there is a beautiful second side to this coin, as you’ll suddenly realize that you don’t have to listen to other people’s advice, after discovering that only you are “correct” when it comes to deciding what is best FOR YOU. ??

You’ll stop feeling the immense pressure to follow your favorite guru’s advice on quitting the 9-5 or your grandma’s pleas to get a PhD. Finally, you’ll become truly free and independent to do what matters…

...what matters and makes sense TO YOU (and you only). ??