If you're happy, let them know it

It’s easy to fixate on negative things. Bad experiences tend to stand out in the mind, and humans even bond by complaining.

But as we’ve established in a previous Vanderhack, complaining gets boring after a while. It’s usually more pleasant (and often just as effective) to focus on what went right.

So, as a general rule in life, if you’re happy, let people know it.

If a waiter recommended the lasagna, and you liked the lasagna, say so.

If your friend suggested you walk in a certain park, and you find the park pretty, tell your friend.

If your manager staffed you on a project, and you enjoyed certain parts of the project far more than others, tell your manager which parts you really liked.

This does a few good things. First, everyone likes to hear what’s going right. People in any sort of public-facing role get a lot of feedback about what’s going wrong, so a reminder that everything isn’t terrible can make someone’s day.

People also generally find it more enjoyable to spend time with positive people vs. those who find fault with everything. The friend who hears you enjoyed her park suggestion just might suggest another place the two of you can visit together.

Finally, saying what’s going right can be a great way to craft your future experiences without complaining. Unless you work for a truly terrible boss, that person is going to take you at your word that you really enjoyed working with Karen and the events team. When another opportunity comes up to work with the events team, you will come to mind. If working with Karen means you have less time to work with Beth, who was, let’s just say, not your favorite, then so be it. You get the same result (less time working with Beth) without having to stress that part.

So, if you’re happy, let people know it. If nothing else, this helps close the loop. As we’ve also discussed in previous Vanderhacks, a lot of what we put out into the universe seems to disappear into the void. Whatever happened to that gift card you gave Ms. Smith? Did your neighbor use the painter you recommended? When Ms. Smith takes a moment to let you know that she used the gift card to buy a pair of Crocs she’d been eyeing and they’ve been great for gardening, you feel all is right with the universe.

When you let people know you’re happy with what they’ve brought into your world? You give the same gift to them.

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