You're Free To Go
The thing about selling your car is you don’t get to be as mobile as you’re used to. Yes, I was aware of the limitations, and I did it anyway.
So here’s a great follow up story to that one.
I went to Cinemalaya one Saturday night and I said I’d just take a Grab home. As expected, no driver wanted to take me anywhere at 10 p.m. given the usual Manila weekend traffic made worse by rain.
There was an Angkas booth, so I became aware of the option, but I paid it no mind. I stood there, still waiting for my Grab.
After close to an hour of waiting and walking to where I thought would be a better pick up location, still no ride. It was closer to my 11 p.m. bedtime, so I felt a little more desperate. I considered my options:
Keep waiting for a Grab — could be foolish, considering the low probability of actually getting one in this situation, based on historical data.
Hail a cab — could be a lot of work with little chances of success, and I had my doubts about relative sanitation (COVID is still out there after all) and fare transparency (cab drivers can and likely will negotiate upwards). Going back to pre-ride hailing app options might not be the smartest move.
Walk home — distance wouldn’t be a problem, honestly. General safety and security at this hour? That would very well be a problem considering the area, the time of day, and the fact that I still want to keep living.
Hitch a ride — A friend offered earlier, and I politely declined because I wanted to test this newfound autonomous life. It was clearly a dumb decision.
Related to hitching a ride, how about the Angkas option? You know, Angkas literally translates to Hitch. There’s an idea.
Believe it or not, I wasted a couple more minutes debating with myself and justifying why waiting in vain for Grab was better than taking Angkas:
It’s more comfortable — true, but isn’t the goal to get home?
It’s safer — also true, but how much safety is necessary? The Angkas driver will likely drive better than your usual motorcycle rider, and being on a motorcycle is way safer than walking home.
The helmet is a potential COVID nest and possibly smelly — fair enough, but I can sanitize that myself.
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It’s raining — this was a lie. It stopped raining while I was having this debate with myself.
On the other hand, Angkas was clearly cheaper and faster, considering vehicle size and ability to maneuver through traffic.
So why the hesitation? Well, here’s the ugly truth — my ego showed up without an invitation. He didn’t want to be seen riding an Angkas home from Cinemalaya, with all the fancy film folks there. You guessed it — this only existed in my egotistical imagination, because in reality, people didn’t know me nor cared about me.
“It’s almost 11 p.m., way past your wind-down time, and you’re concerned about image??? Get your priorities straight and go home, dumb@ss.”
That’s what I told myself when I came to my senses. Then I walked to the Angkas booth and requested a ride.
The Angkas driver gave me something I didn’t know what to do with (turns out it was a head cover for sanitation purposes), I put on my helmet (it wasn’t smelly, and I almost walked inside the house wearing it), hopped on the motorbike, and enjoyed my ride home. And here I am a week after, still alive enough to tell the story.
There’s a lesson here somewhere. Let me try to find it.
It seems to me that our ego can really be a crippling factor in our lives, but only if we allow it. I still laugh and shake my head at the picture of myself waiting patiently (but in vain) for a ride home, losing precious sleep time in the process, just because I’m too concerned about image.
It’s fascinating how we’re able to create tiny prison cells for ourselves in every situation. Tiny prison cells that are unlocked, with gates ajar, waiting for us to realize that we willingly put ourselves there in the first place.
These micro-moments of immobility are almost always self-imposed. Whenever we feel stuck, it may be helpful to think about whether or not becoming unstuck is simply a matter of — you know — moving.