You’re the first person to listen to me.
Erik Boemanns
Leading you from IT risk to reward. A lawyer/technologist bringing executive expertise to IT GRC, privacy, and security. Together, we can reach your next level of success.
In life, in love, in business, listening can become a superpower for building trust, reducing tension, and helping people get to where they need to go. And yet, listening is one of leaders’ worst skills. They’re leading, after all. That means shouting “go here” “do this” “stop that” – right? To lead is to tell? This mistaken definition of “to lead” ends up causing many who grow in the ranks to never develop (or lose) their ability to listen. They become so busy the only time they’re in the room is the time they have to tell everyone else what to do. And ultimately, this becomes what holds them back from becoming great leaders.
To lead is not to tell. To lead is to convince others to follow. It is to persuade. And persuading without listening is just coercion. If you don’t know what others want or need or what motivates them, you’re not going to get them to follow voluntarily. And it means you’re not leading. If you’re going to become a great leader you’re going to have to become a great listener. And that means you’ll need to be intentional about it. You’ll need to be willing to not be the only voice in the room and make the space for others to be heard. And then, don’t just hear them. Truly listen to them. Listen to understand. Listen to learn.
If you want to learn to listen well, go learn about “active listening.” It’s a great skill to build to help you to listen to others and understand how to help (and if to help). I’m not going to talk about it here – others have done that well. Instead, what’s on the other side of learning to listen?
Trust. Our lives run on trust. Trust in transactions, traffic, relationships, businesses, and more. When trust fails, so quickly too can the fabric which ties us together. This can happen on the small scale – you and a family member or a coworker – or the large scale – between large companies or institutions. Trust makes things possible to happen. Lack of trust binds everyone – slowing things down or bringing them to a halt. And when you fail to listen to someone, they will fail to trust you in return. And conversely, when you listen well, you build trust and can help find common ground.
Tension. A side effect of loss of trust is an increase in tension. When we don’t trust a person or a situation, our adrenaline kicks in. Our instincts are to run, fight, or freeze. Even when the situation is not a physical danger, our tension is higher when we don’t trust the person across the table. Imagine a car salesperson who doesn’t listen to the customer about their needs. They end up picking a car to talk about. No trust has been earned – so how is the conversation going to go? Arguing about the price, stalling with indecision, or the customer just running to the next dealership? It was a tense situation, caused by a loss of trust, by a lack of listening. Had the salesperson listened first and used it to find the right car, the transaction would have been faster, less tense, and better all around.
Can we get there together? Finally, trust built upon good listening can help us get to a common destination together. It might not be where one side or the other originally planned – but no one coerced the other to follow them to somewhere they were unhappy. Through listening, you can adjust your own message to be right for who you’re working with. You can guide them closer to where you want, but also make your own concessions to get closer to your own goals faster. It’s possible for both sides of the conversation to be right and to reach a common goal together, instead of fleeing, fighting, or just digging into where they are today.
Leading takes place up front, where people then choose to follow. Leading is never from the rear, pushing people away from you. To persuade you must understand. To understand, you must listen. And to listen, you must be willing to not be the one talking.
Then, not only are you leading, but you’re accomplishing the goals of your group as well. And that is a win for everyone.
Two Years Of Content
The middle of July represents my second anniversary of creating content for LinkedIn. Over those two years, I've posted almost every day and sometimes more than once a day. The posts have been over a wide variety of topics, from cybersecurity and technology, to business and leadership - and sometimes just about some food. As I reflect back on the journey, it has been a remarkable experience and enabled me to meet so many new and great people!
Here's to the next year with you all!
领英推荐
If you'd like to look back at my 1 year anniversary newsletter, check it out here - you'll see some things have changed, and others are still the same.
Week In Review
This week has been the usual mash-up of topics - probably because I've been learning to make my own "overnight oats" mash this week too.
Here's what's been on the mind:
If you missed the Pop Up Sale yesterday, it's monthly, so let me know and I'll make sure you know about next months!
In Conclusion
This has been quite a week for our world. I can't ignore the shared context we all have and how it impacts what makes sense to talk about and what we should avoid. The tapestry of the world we live in is so complex, it's impossible to share thoughts and also put it in context from everyone's perspective. Every day is someone's worst day and someone else's best day (or should have been). And for most others, it was just a day. As we each seek to understand the events of our world, I hope we each remember this, and strive to be a reason someone's day is a little bit better than it otherwise would have been. Whether through a call, a note, a hug, a visit, or even silence, are our actions leading by lifting?