You're not alone...understanding and overcoming Anxiety.

Life can be a rollercoaster. You can sometimes feel like you are spinning out of control. We all know that. And everyone worries or feels nervous from time to time, which is completely normal and low elements of anxiety can be a general and typical human reaction to potentially or even small stressful situations. Even a certain amount of anxiety can be useful - perhaps indispensable as a possible signal of impending danger. But what if danger is entirely absent, how can anxiety really affect us?

As the NHS point out a little anxiety is fine, but long-term anxiety may cause more serious health problems. Anxiety disorders can occur when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of distress, worry, or fear over an emotional trigger. It is important to identify the reason behind the presentation of anxiety in order to develop appropriate coping mechanisms. So for people with more extreme anxiety or more formal anxiety disorders, it is where those fears and worries are not temporary and their anxiety persists, which causes more issues and long term implications. 

Did you know that anxiety is one of the most common/reported forms of concern around mental health (Psychology Today and British Psychology Society, 2019). And with the growing exponential rate of 1 in 4 people experiencing some form of mental health concern, isn’t it about time we talked openly about in order to de-stigmatise?! As such, I recently spoke with Kerry Daley, founder and Director of the Daley Hub about how she has lived with, managed and overcome anxiety. Now this blog doesn’t propose to enter a clinical discussion of anxiety or associated treatment, rather the premise is to understand one persons perspective and how they learnt to cope and overcome this condition, we hope you take something from this. 

Though many forms of anxiety disorders exist (social anxiety, extreme fears and phobias, panic disorder etc), here I am only going to discuss general anxiety, which is the persistent worry of anxious feelings, which can be triggered by previous trauma. However, research carried out by the British Psychological Society suggests that most anxiety can be driven by similar underlying processes. In general, people with anxiety disorders may become easily overwhelmed by their emotions, and they tend to have particularly negative reactions to those unpleasant feelings and situations.

It was a sad and unfortunate traumatic event which first triggered Kerry’s anxiety. Her Mum had sadly passed away, Kerry was left with a young 8 month baby, and although having had her wonderful first child, she felt very alone and isolated. There was then a series of further upsetting events which left Kerry feeling helpless and emotionally unable to deal with her situation. Kerry admits to feeling a deep psychological loss of her Mum, which left her struggling to deal with other emotions after the birth. Kerry feels that it was at this time that her body went into survival mode. She had to keep going and look after her daughter. So although losing a load of weight, not sleeping too well, physically wretching into the toilet most mornings life resumed. 

The world returned to normal and Kerry’s life seemed to get back on track although It was some 4 years later that she started to feel sick again. Feelings of disorientation, like she was going to fall over at any minute and at times a more extreme feeling of floating as though she was having an out of body experience. She would walk around in almost a daze like state and be overcome with chest pains, like she couldn’t breathe……at times she felt she did stop breathing! However, a sudden shock of not being able to breathe would overcome her and give her a jolt and she’d take a big gasp of air as though she had been under water and just came up for air through a feeling of suffocation This sudden shock to her system caused Kerry to hyperventilate, which she describes as the feeling of adrenaline as though you are on an unenjoyable rollercoaster.

However, her saving grace was the wonderful daughter she gave birth to, her partner Clive and her family. Her “energy” and "zest" in life had gone, the physical manifestations of headaches, trembling, twitching, irritability, frustration, and inability to concentrate were getting too much. On top of that the sleep disturbances and with little or not desire to want to do much, she knew things needed to change. 

Kerry understood that this anxiety and the underlying triggers must be explored from all sides and she sought help from a qualified counsellor (something I plan to explore in another blog). The best way Kerry can describe the sessions is that they helped her learn to cope with the anxiety at first and then change the way she thought and dealt with the anxiety. In all helping her to recognise certain trigger factors and then to have a plan to ensure her thoughts did not allow the associated feelings of anxiety (mentally, physically and emotionally) to start. Kerry learnt a combination of new and different thinking patterns, responses to stimuli and relaxation techniques, over time helping her cope more effectively. 

Sounds easy right? Of course it’s not. It’s ongoing and it is not always possible to do this alone, but we would certainly urge you to seek support if you have experienced anything similar. As such, Kerry and myself have developed a list below which we hope you find useful in terms of coping mechanisms, which could help reduce anxiety. It is important to note that the underlying cause/triggers need to be explored, not just treating the symptoms. 

Sarah and Kerry’s top tips for dealing with Anxiety:

1. Perspective - One of the hardest things to do and one of those phrases which gets tossed around all the time. But few people really understand it. It has a lot to do with the science of the brain as well as thoughts. It is important to understand your Thought, Action, Behaviour cycle so you can learn how to separate your senses from a stressful response. Taking a breather and remembering why you are here doing what you do is key to gaining control. Call on your trusted network of family or friends to help you gain a moment of clarity.
2. Read - Reading can help lower your heart rate as it lets you escape your own experiences for a while and get lost into something more meaningful. We recommend reading self help books around gaining perspective, mindfulness, understanding yourself. Kerry recommends a book called “Highly Intuitive People” by Heidi Sawyer which really helped her see anxiety as a gift and not something to be scared of. 
3. Exercise - having been a Personal Trainer, Kerry knows that physical activity produces endorphins (the chemicals in the brain which act as natural painkillers and give a happiness effect). They also improve your ability to sleep, which in turn reduces stress. Start off small, even five minutes of exercise can begin to stimulate anti-anxiety effects. Kerry attends Crossfit nearly everyday to stay fit and healthy and enjoys the challenge that it gives her and the community of friends that it has brought with it. 
4. Mindfulness - a very simple form of mediation, focusing on the here and now. We highly recommend the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/anxiety-5-4-3-2-1-mindfulness-activity-trick-how-does-it-work-ease-anxiousness-immediately-a8199296.html
5. Hobbies and time out…get creative  - Having an enjoyable past time has helped Kerry loose track of time, removing the stresses of her life. Regular exercise and singing in a choir has allowed her to communicate and express using words. It is a helpful outlet for dealing with difficult times and intense emotions. I also recommend writing or drawing your feelings down (journaling) as another a safe way of dealing with harmful thoughts, which I find useful and something I like to link to spiritual awareness - that’s any activity thats helps you to tune into your inner-self, assist in bypassing the noise in the mind which can sustain feelings of helplessness and anxiety. 
6. Talking - We cannot state enough how conversing on different wavelengths does wonders for our well-being and our ability to deal with stressful situations or feelings. Of course it can be hard to build up the courage, but start by telling someone you trust how you’re feeling and go from there. Not everyone will want or can afford to see a professional, but do consider it if, especially now there is so much support provided by the NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/types-of-therapy/
7. Support networks help develop resilience - Having a wider social support network does wonders for your mind and emotions and also helps with feeling of isolation. Plus it doesn’t always have to be friends or family. If you want to improve your ability to cope, surround yourself with at least a few good friends and confidants and try to start new things such as volunteering or joining an activity or class. Of course you may need to build up to this point so look online as there are plenty of professional and recognised networks, even in your local area, some which even meet for free, such as your local Mind Charity; https://www.mind.org.uk/
8. Limit social media - taking time out from social media may also go a long way to helping you combat feelings of anxiety. There is growing evidence to suggest that overuse of social (and obsessive use) may lead to feelings of lessor mental functioning (interruptions), paranoia and loneliness (Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, 2017). Of course Social Media is also a powerful tool in terms of motivating people into action and making making impactful social change, or to explore new concepts. But as it has evolved so quickly it appears to have had an impact on the social fibre of our society, affecting our interpersonal relationships, and personal narrative of our own lives with subsequent negative effects on our emotional and mental health. Taking time out from your social media and having a good clean out of negative friends or groups will help. Link with positive people and positive groups instead. 
9. Anticipate the future and think ahead - We appreciate this can feel utterly impossible if you suffer with anxiety and catastrophise a lot i.e thinking what might go wrong. Although life can feel uncertain, by learning to plan for semi-predictable events can help you anticipate the future and the associated feelings/moods toward these e.g career, finances, health, family, and ageing. Even planning how to deal with future anxiety or stressful situations can help you navigate the worst when it comes. Anxiety can also be a n unhealthy fixation on the future, so learn to develop a new relationship with your future, one that's about preparation and letting go of the things beyond your control (Google search Circle of Influence).

There are many ways to help with anxiety, we would urge you select one or two suggestions above that are appealing and feel manageable for you to make a start on. Be prepared to experiment! Maybe even start with asking a friend to do it with you? Remember, you don't need to always get it right first time and remind yourself you're doing the best you can and that this is the start of something great!

Kerry openly talks about how her experience has become part of who she is, accepting that sometimes she has relapses, which she doesn’t see as detrimental, rather an important factor in knowing she needs some time out. “It is important to know and understand our mind and body, rather than push it away”. The one good thing Kerry feels is her experience has certainly made her more empathic towards others. And there is also a very happy ending to….Kerry’s relationship with her baby blossomed into that of a wonderful Mother and Daughter relationship. Kerry later met a wonderful gentleman called Clive; a kind, caring, considerate man who she adores. She openly states “he loves me whole heartedly and offers the unconditional support I need” and respects her space when she goes into ‘survival mode’ and needs to be in her own bubble for ‘time out’. 

Kerry’s door is always open for a chat over a cuppa so if you are interested in meeting Kerry please get in touch. 

She works together with her husband Clive in Romsey https://www.daleyhub.com/ they jointly run a global consultancy business which supports all levels of business from start-ups to SME’s to international business providing consultancy, mentoring, Business Owner Peer Boards and networking events which pull teams closer together, focusing on action, strong team work and engagement.