You're Not Alone. You Just Think You Are.

I read this book titled “The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck every couple of weeks. It has quickly become my bible. Searingly honest. Spiritual yet practical. Recently, I read a section that resonated with me deeply. It was about giving up a part of your self in order to grow and ultimately emerge as a better person. Peck councils that “as we negotiate the curves and corners of our lives, we must continually give up parts of ourselves. The only alternative to this giving up is not to travel at all on the journey of life.” He doesn’t say it’s easy. In fact he admits it’s really difficult. Giving up a part of your self can be a depressing, hellishly intense, and seemingly impossible exercise. It is, after all, part of who you are. But it must happen.

I realized Peck was on to something. My latest and most successful (so far) attempt at this whole self-growth crusade, in life and at Fracture, began when I decided to give up something that had mattered to me more than almost anything else: my deeply ingrained and fiercely held belief of “winning” by myself. The biggest lie I fed myself over many years was that I needed to do this, whatever “this” is, alone. For a long time, I poured that belief into Fracture. I needed to “win” at Fracture by myself. I wanted all the adoration and applause, therefore I needed to figure it all out. In a twisted way, one might call that admirable. Now I call it selfish. Yet that’s pretty much how I treated everything I set out to do in life. It worked pretty well. Until it didn’t.

Something finally unhinged in me when I was knee deep in Fracture and the water level was starting to rise. “Wait a minute”, I thought to myself. “I’m not alone. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t be.” I wasn’t going to make it that way. I needed to stop masquerading as this lone wolf trying to solve the unsolvable. No matter what I was trying to accomplish, I wasn’t going to be the first one to do it. Was I really the first one trying to build a great company? To go through HR issues? To not have a damn clue how to raise money? To fail miserably at attracting talent? To not understand how to balance work and this maddeningly beautiful gift called life? No. Not by a long shot. There was always someone to go to. To ask for help. To look for guidance from. To simply reach out to. It was simply up to me to realize that.

So I finally started to give up. I dropped the charade of trying to be this brooding, solitary, manly man leader guy with all the answers. Instead, I asked for help. I despised the act at first. I sucked at it. I didn’t know what was going to happen, which is perhaps the most frustrating thing when something is taken out of your hands - I just knew that I couldn’t keep it all in. Trust me when I tell you it wasn’t a stroke of genius. It was an act of desperation. My ego cringed in frightened anticipation - What would people say if I shared my fears, my worries, my questions?  Would they think less of me? Would they pity me?

It turns out that I didn’t need to worry. I had nothing to fear. That’s usually how it goes. Fears are almost always nothing but figments of our imaginations. But I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t said those fears out loud, and realize how utterly ridiculous they sounded.

It is really hard to find people who can understand what you’re going through. If it was easy, well then I’d just read fortune cookies and call Mrs. Cleo. I searched for a little while. Then I gave up at the first sign of resistance. Then I started looking again, with a passion borne of desperation. Lo and behold, I found one person. Then two. That was plenty to start with. The truth is that what I’m going through isn’t really all that much different than what they were going through. It was just a different flavor.

It might have taken me far too long, but I’m finally figuring out who I can reach out to when I need something. In return, I offer up whatever I can. Usually, it’s just my time - but that’s almost always enough.

All I’m saying is that there are people who care about you, your success, and your well-being. Who can help. You may not know it. But how hard have you looked? Look harder. They’re there. I promise you. Sometimes they’re right in front of you. Don’t be the hero. Don’t try and do this alone. It doesn’t work. No one has ever truly done anything alone. If they did, well, I call bullshit on that, and I’m not buying it. Nobody builds anything truly worthwhile alone.

So now I’m slowly working on opening up more. I emphasize slowly because, I still kinda want to do everything by myself; I still love the rush of accomplishment when I do something. It’s addictive, and it’s harder to give up than it sounds. But there’s just too much to do. Too much to figure out. I just don’t know to do all of this. I think I’m ok with that now.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me so far. My journey wouldn’t have been as fulfilling without you. Just a heads up, I’m probably going to ask for your help...again...soon.

And if you’re looking to accomplish something? To win? To build the best company or be the best version of yourself? Just know you’re not alone. Well, you might be. Or you might not be. The truth is, that’s entirely up to you.