You're an absolute chimp
You think like a chimp, you act like one and my god sometimes you smell like one.
The thing is, we all do and this isn’t really an insult. There’s a part of our brain, the part that deals with emotion, behaviour and motivation that is, for all intents and purposes, a little chimp which lives inside our heads. This part of the brain - called the limbic system - is embryologically older than the rest of our brain. This part of our brain is still very much concerned with keeping our chimp-selves alive and sexually active in a wild world - it’s not in tune with the modern world we actually do live in. Since this is the part of our brain which controls our emotions, you can see where the problems arise here. This part of our brain is rash, emotional, erratic, likes to jump to conclusions and assume danger. Unfortunately, this means that emotional you very much likes to do these things too.
The part of our brain which is in tune with modern life, the human part, is more rational, logical and calm and is called our prefrontal cortex. This part is newer and shinier in evolutionary terms and is more suited to modern life. This part of your brain doesn’t lose it’s shit if someone cuts you up in traffic since it knows it’s not actually a big deal.
The chimp in your head then, is the part of you that’s in control when you’re madly angry, when you’re feeling jealous and when you’re really turned on. This little chimp needs to be these this things to survive, or at least it did a few thousand years ago. The human part of our brain is the part of you that is in control when you’re being logical, when you’re calm and thinking things through, when you’re not jumping to conclusions. These two parts of our brains sit in our head and together, with some other bits, decide how we live and act in our day to day lives with one little caveat:
The chimp part is far more powerful in controlling us than the human part.
Let’s look at some examples at how this all works out in our head..
Example 1
When you’re thinking about how rude Angela was in the meeting this morning and slowly getting angrier, that’s your chimp brain getting worked up. It feels like an injustice has been done and wants to resolve it. That burning anger in your chest is the chimp giving you fuel to lash out, which you might just do with a sly remark or an aggressive phone slam. The human part of your brain still knows an injustice has been done but rather than throw toys out of the pram, it might tell you that yes Angela was rude but perhaps talking to her calmly is a better idea. Again, the chimp part of our brain is far more powerful so which one do you feel more inclined to do?
Example 2
You’ve just seen over your partner’s shoulder at their phone, they’re scrolling through Facebook and they’ve just paused scrolling at - my god - a profile picture update from someone they used to be intimate with. This ex of theirs looks stunning, far better than you do, i bet they’ve stopped scrolling because they wish they were still with that person. You knew you weren’t good enough, you knew they lied when they said you’re the only one they want. I bet this is why they take so long to respond, probably stalking their ex’s profile some more.
Is what your chimp brain would say. Your chimp brain jumps to jealousy and conclusions at the slightest provocation because hesitance when choosing a mate is the best strategy for a wild creature determined to carry on the species. You’ve jumped to conclusions about what your partner thinks is attractive, you’ve made up a whole reason for them to take longer to respond to you and you’ve projected some of your own insecurities on them while at it. To top it all, you’ve done this in about 5 seconds, as soon as that gut punch of jealousy hit you. This is the power of the chimp brain and we’ve all felt it.
The human brain is far more rational, it might know that you’re allowed to feel a tad jealous but it also knows that a random stop in scrolling probably means nothing. It knows that you have a great relationship and that they care a great deal about you - they’ve shown this to you so many times but again, the chimp brain is stronger so which one happens first?
But why do we care about any of this?
I think the reason this is fascinating is because it gives us a great way to think about and control how we feel on a day to day basis. If you think about your irrational anger and blind jealousy as a little chimp in our head which we can manage then controlling ourselves becomes far easier. As i said, the chimp in your head is older and more powerful than the rational calm parts of your brain which means if you try to stay calm out of willpower, you will fail. You can’t control the chimp, you can manage it.
Prof Steven Peters suggests a way we can manage our chimp and in short here it is:
Exercise your chimp. Let all that emotion out in a safe and controlled place. Talk abuot how much of a bitch Angela was later at home - to someone who will just listen and not fuel your chimp. After enough exercise, your chimp will get sleepy and let the rational bits of your brain take over.
Box your chimp. Once it’s sleepy from all that exercise you can box it. You can hit it with rational, calm and logical explanations and courses of action. If the chimp has fair points, acknowledge them, the chimp isn’t inherently wrong.
Distract your chimp. This is the least powerful method, but it is possible to distract your chimp. If you can’t wake up in the morning because chimp you says you need more sleep but human you knows you’ll be late, distract your chimp by saying “i’ll count to 10 before getting out of bed”. Then count to 10 but while doing that, get out of bed at 5. This isn’t the strongest way to manage your chimp but it is useful for less explosive reactions.
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As you can probably guess i recently read The Chimp Paradox by Professor Steven Peters and absolutely loved it. Highly recommended if you’re interested in exploring these topics in loads more detail.
