Your Worst Day

Typing this with one hand.

It's not the post I wanted to share today (I had a good one about Strengths planned, lifted from Peter Charles Turner ). I'll do it on Friday.

The chest pains after pilates yesterday sent me to the emergency room. I guess it's one of those things they don't mess around with because I was in the Resuscitation Room within minutes. The pros dived into the testing and took an X-ray, and 4 hours later the worst was no longer assumed and I could go home.

While I lay there, people behind screens were being treated for falls, gunshot wounds, major bone breaks, and the helicopter was on its way with more.

Yesterday was scary, and the ER doctor said I did the right thing coming to the hospital. The pain's still there, but managed, and the investigation into its cause continues.

I have medical trauma (long story), and days like yesterday don't help me, but I'm grateful that it wasn't what I thought it was. The staff at Netcare Milpark casualty were amazing, not for the first time in my case...

My fear response to anything medical is something I'm unpacking, and also not necessarily trying to fix. It's part of me because of my history, and understanding it in this context is good enough for right now.

Lessons (seeing as we're on LinkedIn):

• If something feels wrong, it probably is. Listen to your body and get in front of a professional.
• Talk about stuff that is difficult for you - even in a lame and self-serving way like this. Going anywhere near a doctor is something I have to mentally prepare myself for: it fills me with fear and I'd rather do anything else, even if I believe 100% in the need for treatment and the person delivering it. If people know about my response then they can help me through it.
• You never know if someone is having their worst day ever, or if you're going to be having that day next. Thanks to Mandy Herold for supporting me. Yesterday wasn't my worst day in the end, it just felt like it at the time. Hug your person.

Two more things stuck out for me yesterday:

1. They brought dogs around the ward to say hello to people. This made me cry - a lot - but the dog didn't seem to mind; probably seen it all before. It was odd and very nice at the same time to spend time with an animal in a clinical environment. Whoever's organising this, keep doing it.
2. I didn't get the doctor's name yesterday, which bothers me now, but when she discharged me she said "I hope this is the last time we see you."

I hope so too, and thank you.