Will Your Workplace Ostracise Me and My Trans Child? (Excerpt from my upcoming book)

Fear of workplace ostracism is one of the reasons Black parents like me might avoid talking about or sharing that our children are transgender.

For many parents of transgender children, especially Black moms like me, there’s a palpable fear of ostracism at work. The workplace, which can already be a challenging environment for Black women due to systemic racism and sexism, becomes even more complicated when you are the parent of a transgender child.

This fear often stems from a lack of inclusivity and understanding, creating a space where parents feel unsafe discussing or even acknowledging their child’s identity. Trust me when I say this was me, and likely many of your coworkers are also in the same boat.

In today's extremely harsh transphobic environment with a brand new administration that is vowing to erase our Black and Brown trans kids on day one of government, and our society that is hellbent on focusing its energy on hatred, it is not a wonder that many parents of queer kids who need support at work would choose rather, to be silent.

Black moms, in particular, may feel this pressure even more acutely. We are often expected to maintain a certain image of strength and resilience, and stepping outside of this mold to support a transgender child can be seen as controversial or disruptive. The risk of being alienated by coworkers or supervisors, or facing microaggressions and outright hostility, can weigh heavily on a parent’s mind.

Again, I know this fear personally.?

When I worked full-time in corporate Amerikkka, I never felt safe enough to bring my child to work, and that decision was influenced by my concerns about how my colleagues might react. I worked in San Antonio, Texas, a largely supportive city, but topics like that were never discussed around the water cooler, regardless.

For instance, the bathrooms at my workplace weren’t gender-inclusive. They were not single-stalls, which would have made it uncomfortable, if not impossible, for my child to feel safe using the restroom there. I feared that simply acknowledging my child’s identity could have led to judgment or discrimination, not only for them but also for me as their parent.

The fear of ostracism doesn’t just affect day-to-day interactions—it can also impact career progression. Black moms may worry that being open about their transgender child could hinder their professional growth or subject them to biases that question their leadership, family values, or professionalism.

Is your place of work unequivocal about their support for the LGBTQ+ community? Do you remember that parents of LGBTQ+ kids also do exist? Are any extra efforts made to recognize and hold space for them?

Even in environments that claim to support diversity, the intersection of race, gender, and LGBTQ+ issues can be a sensitive and misunderstood topic, leaving parents in a precarious position. Too many organizations choose not to discuss issues about family and/or the LGBTQ+ community for fear of "violating current anti-DEI" laws and regulations.

This fear often leads to silence and isolation at work. Parents may completely avoid talking about their personal lives, particularly their children’s gender identity, to avoid drawing unwanted attention or negative reactions. This silence can be stifling, contributing to stress and the emotional burden of feeling like you must hide a significant part of your life.

Workplaces need to recognize the impact of these fears and work toward creating genuinely inclusive environments.

Gender-inclusive bathrooms, policies that explicitly support LGBTQ+ families, and ongoing education about the unique challenges faced by Black parents of transgender children are all steps that can make a meaningful difference.

I guess the most important question to ask at this moment is: when was the last time you thought about your Black coworker as a possible parent, caregiver, or guardian of a Black gender-diverse or queer child? Has this ever been a thought for you? If not, why not? Until issues like this come front and center, many of us will continue to feel that work is neither a safe space for our children nor ourselves as their advocates.

This point is the main reason I started my Ally Bridge Connection (ABC) Program, which helps organizations like yours support parents and families of LGBTQ+ youth at the workplace as an essential part of their Diversity Equity, and Inclusion programs. Can we begin our conversation?

I'd like to invite you to a weekly series of conversations about supporting parents at the workplace. Beginning January 2025. Please stay tuned.

This post is adapted from my upcoming book: About Your Black Transgender Child. To sign up to be the first to know when it drops, kindly click this link and join the fun! The book drops on December 31!

Dr. Lulu

Pediatrician, Gender/Sexuality Educator, Life Coach, Mom.