Your Workplace Friend Can Make or Break You

I have had some really good friends in the office and some not so good friends. The thing is do you think organisations should support staff having friends in the office? Human beings are social so, it is unlikely that any policy can stop people making friends. The question for me is, is it really wise to have friends where you make your living?

Some people will say yes, and others will say no. My best friend and I worked in the same office and it had little effect on the job. Research has shown that people who have “best friends at work” are more likely to be healthier, happier and more engaged than those without. It has also been discovered that those who have friends at work have higher levels of productivity, retention and job satisfaction than those who don’t.

Anna Seppala and Marissa King revealed that, “many companies have tried to support office bonds through perks, but the reality is that most of us don’t have close friends at work. Research shows that, after food and shelter, belonging is a fundamental human need. Given that we spend between 8 and 9 hours of our day at work (not including commute time), we have significantly less time to fulfill our social needs outside of work. When we’re not working, we’re either dealing with family, errands, or trying to grab some rest when we can. The workplace, where we spend such a large portion of our time, is an ideal place to foster the positive connections we all need — not just for our well-being but also for our productivity and health.”

They went on to say, ‘that said, friendship at work is often tricky for a reason. It can be a mixed blessing; people who are friends with coworkers tend to perform better at work but they also report being more emotionally exhausted and having difficulty maintaining their friendships. When conflict (inevitably) arises among work friends, relationship conflict leads to negative outcomes in teams composed of friends, but positive outcomes among teams without prior friendships.

The difficult truth is it just may not be possible to have friendships at work without some degree of fallout. There are real entanglements that can arise when the boundaries between work and friendship become blurred. Work responsibilities need to take precedence over socializing. Managers and leaders need to continue being able to assign tasks and role hierarchy does need to be respected. Performance evaluations need to happen authentically and honestly. Competition is often part of workplace culture — will you or your peer get promoted? — which can lead to lack of trust or willingness to get too close. After all, how would your friendship fare after you become their manager?

Alongside these factors is a fear of being vulnerable, of disclosing too much in case this disclosure makes you look weaker or less competent — worse yet, you might get thrown under the bus for it.

Finally, the need to look and act professional creates a desire not to get too informal or familiar with anyone else — after all, “professional distance” ensures that people will maintain respect for you. All of this can make friendship at work hard — or at least somewhat scary.

Maybe that’s why, despite the benefits of having friends at work, some people still choose to avoid it. Some just aren’t comfortable having real friends at work. They may benefit from a more formal relationship with their colleagues. And that’s OK. Many of the benefits that come from having friends at work likely emanate from values like vulnerability, authenticity, and compassion. Emphasizing these values, rather than the relationships, can allow workplaces to feel “friendly” even if there aren’t real friendships. Moreover, research by John Cacioppo, professor at the University of Chicago and author of Loneliness, shows that the true health and happiness benefits of social connection stem less from how many friends you have in your circle and more from how connected you feel to them (after all, you can feel lonely in a crowd). So nurturing that internal and subjective feeling of connection and friendliness is really most important.”

However, having friends is a fundamental human requirement and organisations should play its role in this space because having friends and a supportive network where you spend a substantial amount of your time is important to employee well- being.

What can employers do in this regard to nurture friendships in the work place?

• Eliminate policies that discourage friendship.
• Lighten up and relax - realize that friendship is your friend, not your enemy.
• Work with your team to eliminate the barriers to interaction. 
• Provide opportunities for conversations to start - volunteering in the community as a team, for example.
• Take care how you bring new employees on board. Make them part of the family from Day One.

The truth is, “while some people will always be hesitant to make friends at work, for these or other reasons, social connection is a basic human need. All friendships have hard moments. Work friendships just have different ones.”

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Marie-Therese Phido, CEO, Elevato, Strategy, Innovation & Marketing Expert and Business Coach