Your why is so important...

Reading time: 4 mins

It was a warm autumn morning and I found myself travelling north up the M6. My drive was pleasant and in just over an hour, I arrived at my destination. I was at a school in the leafy district of Cheshire to lead on a parental engagement event.

This was the second of two events with the first being a great occasion but, we were low on parent numbers. This was understandable because 1. It was first thing in the morning and some parents had to attend work 2. This was non-essential event for parents to attend, unlike parents evening or progress day etc. and 3. Low parental engagement was one of the challenges, we were working with the school to overcome.

Unlike the first event which was poorly attended and discouraging to the leader who led on it, we now had almost a third of all parents for year 6, which was quite impressive for a non compulsory 9:30am event. The news of the first event must have got around! The first event was very moving, as a few parents got teary (including me) as we listened to one of the staff become mentors share their personal story: he was a devoted father who had been widowed at a young age and had to learn everything that his wife done to bring up his children. His story was so moving.

The mentor continued to share that he loved every minute of it (being a father) and that he didn't want his children to grow up, as he didn't want the experience to end. He then went on to share, how he was devoted to mentoring the children and that he loved his job and looked forward to waking up in the morning, so he could come to work to see them. It is still moving, just thinking of it as I type. His sincerity and authenticity was so true and the children, were moved by his story too. Now back to the second event...

So as I arrived at the school, parked up and entered the building I was met by a member of staff who shared "they are waiting for you and there's quite a few parents". I was then approached by the senior leader who was slightly discouraged at the turn out the first time around, who was now very pleased! And so she should be, as she had made a great effort to inspire so many parents to attend the second event. So I went in the hall which was buzzing as all the parents were speaking to the staff members who had now become mentors to their children.

There was tea and coffee, nice pastries and the parents were engaged, talking and curious about how some of the mentors had managed to get their children to share with them, when at home they did not share much (if anything!). I was pleased and was then poured a coffee by a very personable school governor, who was serving the drinks for the visitors. Greeted by a nice Scottish accent, she shared that it was really good what we were doing (mentoring the entire year 6) and great to have so many parents within the school. I sipped my coffee.

Following my chat with the governor and the senior leaders I suggested "If you would like me to introduce myself to the parents and share a bit about the programme and why we do it, that would be fine" the Senior Leader quickly said "That would be great". So I had to accelerate, how I was eating my pastry and downing my coffee to do the honours.

Now you need to picture this... there is a room with a gathering of parents at 9:30am to engage with a programme, that some gave the impression they never knew much about (I say impression as school sent numerous communications with our support about the programme). Some were about to go work, some took time off work and some were grandparents, put it this way... it was pressure! And many did not look lively, so I felt that they needed to be engaged and won over.

I just did not know how to start, I just knew I had to be real and from the heart. So I started by thanking them for attending as we appreciate that they all have busy lives, I then went onto sharing that their children were amazing and it was a pleasure to work with them and that they inspired me.

I then shared why I do what I do and the fact that life is getting harder for us and there are less opportunities for people in general and will be more tougher as they enter the world. I expressed that we provide mentoring as a personal development tool for children so they can get the big picture i.e. that council tax is coming and home insurance etc. and that they should appreciate the responsibilities that their parents have etc. and we want them to be as well prepared as possible for life ahead and it just hit me! Im not sure what or why but my eyes rapidly filled with tears and I got choked up, it was way too quick to hide my emotions or rein them in so I just let them flow.

My why was now on show for all to see. It was embarrassing (at first), as I am a man (were not supposed to cry as they say), I was supposed to be the professional, the person in control, the one sharing and clearing the way explaining what the programme was about etc. But I guess I expressed what the programme and the heart of Every Child Needs a Mentor is about... that we are all people first and professionals or students (in the children's case) second. It is about passion and humanity meeting in education.

What is your why? If you work with children, if you work in education, if you work to develop people, your why is so important, why? As they will be able to tell. Children may be at school to learn facts and formative education but they are very intuitive and can sense if you care or if you really like them (I'm still surprised that people who don't like children would choose to work in schools?).

In my years of transforming the educational experience of children, so they can become passionate about their own learning, it has been less of an outside in job, but more of the inside out approach. You do not need to look far to see those who really achieve in life, whether it is in health, business, sports, politics, law or music etc. they do it in the ‘passion / ability’ order. First conviction, second competence and thirdly results.

Look at those who have achieved great feats - it is because their motivation, passion and drive come from the inside coupled with a conviction that compels them to achieve something of meaning, firstly to them and then the world. When you look at Martin Luther King Jr., Helen Keller, Thomas Edison, Bill Gates, Michael Jordon Jr., Mahatma Ghandi and Michael Jackson, they all achieved great feats in different times, fields and industries but, one thing they all had in common was passion, vision and ability. I would say they are usually pioneers, the first to do something extremely well and to pave the way which needs passion and a why, as being the first is usually extremely hard to do.

From my list, not all had a great scholastic education but notably some did, for example Ghandi was a Solicitor and Martin Luther King Jr had a doctorate, but others even dropped out of formal education such as Bill Gates, Sir Richard Branson and the late Steve Jobs. However, they have all gone on to achieve things that dreams are made out of. They have also established some of the biggest companies in the world or made some of the most social change and overturned colonial rule. So how come in schools we’re still getting it so wrong, is it because there is no pursuit to discover the why of the learner or to even explain the why they are even at school?

For anyone to achieve anything that demands a lot of sacrifice, commitment and dedication, they really need to understand their own why. Why am doing this? Why would it be beneficial to me? Why do I have to do this way? And this would be no different for young people within schools, colleges and universities. Could this be the reason why so many children drop out once they have the choice (end mandatory education) and then get categorised as NEET? (Not in Employment Education or Training).

Is it because many students are fed regurgitated fodder and it shows as they do not know their own why? Why should I learn? Why should I know there is more to it than that I perceive? But if this was a baking analogy in the cake, I can bet just like flour is the main ingredient, the lack of a ‘meaningful why’ is also a main ingredient in the cake of student disenfranchisement.

I would go as far as saying many have not been helped to discover or been exposed to activities that could prompt a meaningful why out of them. Some may say this is not the purpose of education, but I would disagree. The word “education” was derived from the word “educe” which was first mentioned in the 1600s and it means to: “bring out or draw out something hidden such as latent potential” (slightly paraphrased but the meaning is accurate). So to truly educate should be to get something out of someone, namely their potential. Teachers may not need to be the people who lead this, but someone i.e. a mentor, a coach, a parent and significant adult somewhere should.

The reason I have mentioned the above is when I work with schools who have some of the most disenfranchised students or those who do not engage with school, I have had to open their eyes so they can see their own incentives to engage in their learning and to discover one that resonates with them. For someone to want to achieve they must see the “What is in it for me?” element. I do not mean it in a self-absorbed and narcissistic sense, but in a personally engaging way, because even someone who is a humanitarian they do it partly because it satisfies them to be altruistic.

For years this has been one of the most significant reasons, I have experienced what I consider to be success whilst working with students because I have helped them to experience their own eureka moments to help them to experience epiphanies and connecting them with their own passions and possibilities. 

"It is about living your purpose, on purpose"

So to end what about you? I set you a challenge here are a few questions: What is your why? Why do you do what you do? What is your purpose beyond money? What would you do for the rest of your life, if your finances were covered? let me know by writing a comment.

I hope you have a great 2017 and always remember to reconnect with your why, your reason, your motive, your moral imperative.

Have a great day.

Herman

?Herman Stewart is the author of the book "Every Child Needs a Mentor" , a Fellow of the Society of Leadership Fellows, St Georges College at Windsor castle and a chair of governors at an outstanding primary academy.

Herman is the Founder & CEO of Every Child Needs a Mentor, which is a leading mentoring organisation providing bespoke programmes for primary schools. Herman and his team help schools to create learning environments that enable parents, teachers, support staff and students to experience epiphanies. 

Watch a clip of what children think of The Every Child Needs a Mentor programme What adults and children think of The Every Child Needs a Mentor - Mentoring Day Here is a short 2 min video of our why and The story behind our vision

Contact details: 0800-644-4881 or email: [email protected]