Your Weekly Retail Horoscope

Modern technology seems to get outdated every six to 18 months.?Just when I got my Myspace page set up, Facebook blew it off the map. You probably have a Blackberry sitting in a drawer next to a jar of pennies, and a box of video cassettes you can’t bear to toss out.

That’s why you have to respect a technology that’s been in use for over 24 centuries and is still followed by millions of people every day. No one is really sure exactly when astrology and horoscopes arrived, but most historians agree it was around the second or third century B.C. Some Babylonian dude or dudette probably looked into the night sky, saw a shooting star, and figured it was a good time to get on the ground floor and invest in Apple or Microsoft at $2 a share. That worked out pretty well, and predictions from star alignment was born.

We consulted with our own Sultan of Sales, the Maharishi of Retail for a reading of the stars. After fasting for three days, surviving only on White Claw hard seltzer, he provided the following predictions:

ARIES (March 21 to April 19)?You’ll soon have a chance to take a big step toward building your empire. Comb through the haystack of store locations in your area.?There is a golden needle hidden at a rent you can afford.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)?This week brings challenges that can affect your stars.?And that means Google rating stars. Be fair in settling disputes and when in doubt, err on the side of the customer.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)?A calm before a November storm of sales gives you time to catch up on neglected tasks. Clean the store and backroom of outdated and overparked inventory. The money you paid for it is gone and anything you collect on selling it is found money.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)?Be on the alert for signs of problems, especially with your staff. Anything you don’t address becomes the new store policy. Eliminate tardiness, poor appearance, and disingenuous sales tactics. Be prepared to make staffing changes as needed.

LEO (July 23 to August 22)?November means full-blast, pedal-to-the-metal selling and service for the rest of the year. Take an extra day off this week to enjoy your family and your town.?Relax and clear your mind, then get ready to rock and roll.

VIRGO (August 23 to September 22)?Stephen Stills sang “Love the One You’re With.” Stop looking over your shoulder and give each shopper your full attention during your sales presentation. Put the phone on silent and eliminate distractions. A true love affair (with your merchandise) is sure to bloom.

LIBRA (September 23 to October 22)?You plan to fail when you fail to plan. Be ready for the Best Selling Season Ever by having a full warehouse, full staff, and lots of heavy-impact advertising. If you build it, they will come. If you have it, they will buy.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21)?Take the sting out of losing sales by learning a new skill this week. Hop on an online course, read a blog or have TED talk to you. You can even go old school and read a sales book.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21)?It a great week to build new relationships. Many people plan to change jobs next year and some of them are searching now. Be sure to let them know that you want to meet them. There’s always room on your team for excellent talent.

CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19)?Keep your momentum going by clearing the path ahead of you. Remove obstacles like worn displays or accessory items you bought in 2019. Advertising venues and stubborn employees are often hinderances that can cause you to stumble.

AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18)?Wise consideration is recommended before your next business move.?But don’t wither from paralysis by analysis. Listen to your mind but let your heart and your gut have an equal say in the decision.

PISCES (February 19 to March 20)?Expect a surge of energy this week. Focus on a single project and see it to completion. Paint a wall in your store, conduct a thorough inventory, or get out and shop the competition.

Your Birthday This Week:?You remember a time of balance between work and personal life. The time is still there once you eliminate unnecessary distractions. Focus on your circle of influence instead of your circle of concern. The ensuing harmony will spread to everyone around you.