Your Voice Matters: Why Speaking Up is Self-Love

Have you ever felt like it was difficult to raise your hand in class or in a work environment? Do you have trouble speaking up for yourself? You’re not alone. Many of us struggle with speaking up because of the repercussions we could face (such as judgment, disapproval, shame, etc.), especially as a woman. According to researchers at Brigham Young University and Princton, in mixed meetings, 75% of speaking time is made up of men (The Female Lead, 2023). Why do we choose not to speak up for ourselves? There can be many reasons for this. One of the reasons is that if we’ve repeatedly had negative experiences around advocating for ourselves or social acceptance, we’re less likely to feel safe speaking up (Cooks-Campbell, 2021).

It’s easy to feel like an inconvenience to others by letting them know how we feel or expressing our opinions and thoughts. I know I’ve felt this way growing up and as a result, I was labeled as a “shy” girl and “easygoing” person. The reality was that I hated being perceived as shy and easygoing because it meant that people could easily walk over me and be okay with it because they knew I wasn’t going to use my voice to call them out for it. This happened throughout all of my life until the end of high school, when I realized that enough was enough and that I mattered enough to not tolerate how others were treating me. It took me years of trial and error to finally reach a point where I am able to view myself as somebody who is important enough to be stood up for. Here’s how you can do it too.

Realize that you deserve to be treated with love and respect, especially from yourself.

Many of us struggle with speaking up for ourselves because we don’t believe that we deserve to be heard, or that nobody would listen if we do. Maybe a parent or a teacher once shamed you for using your voice. Maybe a friend laughed at you for expressing something to them. Maybe someone shamed or humiliated you for speaking up for yourself. Regardless, it’s important to acknowledge that your voice matters, even if your words are not heard or understood by others. We all have preconceived biases about different things because we all grew up with different life experiences and understandings. Nobody is going to think exactly the way you do, and vice versa. If somebody rejects you for speaking up for yourself, it is not your fault. Most of the time, it can be because of the preconceived bias they have that makes it difficult for them to see your perspective. It does not mean that you are undeserving of being heard or loved. It is important to not take their disapproval personally and to the heart because, at the end of the day, they are just another human being with their own opinions. Don’t let somebody’s disapproval of your words be the reason why you don’t speak up for yourself.

Set boundaries with others and be consistent with them.

Having healthy boundaries helps us define what is appropriate behavior in relationships and keeps both parties safe. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and developing positive relationships with others and with yourself. Start by paying attention to how you feel about the situations you find yourself in. What makes you feel uncomfortable, resentful, embarrassed, disrespected, or dismissed? Those feelings often point to boundaries that must be set with the people in your life. Once you have established your boundaries, you will need to communicate them to the other party. This is an ongoing process and in most cases, you will need to continue reminding the other person and be prepared to act if they violate it. We often hope for the other party to be able to read our minds and know exactly what it is we need from them. However, it is important to keep in mind that speaking up and setting boundaries is more manageable when you don’t try to change anyone and only focus on managing your internal experience and responses (Schrader, 2023).

Be your authentic self

Good communication skills mean speaking clearly, listening well, and asking the right questions. However, there is one more factor to this. To make sure others understand your message and you understand them, you need to be authentic. Uncovering your authentic voice is a transformative process that can significantly enhance your communication skills. It’s about understanding yourself, connecting with others, along with expressing your own unique perspective (Metzler, 2023).

For more tips on how to communicate authentically, visit

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Conclusion

Sometimes women don’t speak up because they’re weary of having to over-explain and prove their point. Women see speaking up as futile because oftentimes, they are not listened to or better said, a man’s perspective will be listened to before a woman’s (Tomich, 2023).

As a woman, I have struggled immensely with using my voice and feeling like my words mattered throughout my whole life. My voice had constantly been overlooked in school, work environments, and friend groups. As a young girl, I was taught to be polite and quiet, otherwise, I would’ve been labeled as “bad”. In my college classes where I would have group assignments with men, my ideas had been mocked and overlooked unless I had approached the meeting strongly and assertively. With practice, speaking up for myself has gotten a lot easier compared to how I used to feel years ago. Although there will be moments where I would catch myself hesitating, practicing these tips has helped me feel a lot more confident with using my voice. My hope is that these tips will help you gain the confidence to use your voice as well because you deserve to be heard.

Citations

Cooks-Campbell, Allaya. “Speaking up for Yourself Is Important - 11 Steps to Get It Right.” BetterUp, 20 May 2021

Metzler, Porter. “10 Steps to Uncover Your Authentic Voice.” Interact Studio, 11 Aug. 2023

Schrader, Jessica. “Setting Boundaries If You Are a People-Pleaser.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 27 July 2023

The Female Lead. “Female Leadership Expert Shares Tips for Speaking up More Confidently in Meetings.” The Female Lead, 21 Mar. 2023

Tomich, Janice. “Speaking up in Meetings: The Challenges Women Face.” Janice Tomich, 27 Sept. 2023

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