Your View of Success Might Need to Change

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Yesterday was my birthday, and my wife lovingly made me a chocolate cake. It was delicious. I had two pieces. Hold that thought…

Do you feel successful?

Success is a word that means only what it means to you on any given day. That’s true of all words, but I digress.

At times in my life, “success” was unrealistic. It turns out that to be an All-Star NBA point guard, you have to be able to dribble with your left hand. Nobody told me. Also, genetics may not have been in my favor for that life goal.

At other times, my view of “success” was under-realistic. I fell into patterns where success was mere survival with no vision for what unique contribution I could bring to the world.

That’s no good either.

If you have had any measure of success in terms of the way we often define it: wealth, power, fame, influence, freedom, autonomy, and on and on, then you have found out through your lived experience what is always true: that kind of success has its perks; like a decadent piece of chocolate cake, it feels really great for a moment, but then it doesn’t satisfy anymore.

Enough of that kind of success without a balanced diet of meaning, purpose, healthy relationships, and self-improvement, and you begin to feel like you’re eating only chocolate cake for every meal. What was so attractive before you had experienced it becomes utterly disgusting. And if you keep feeding on it, it will literally kill you.

Let’s not be that kind of “successful.”

When I say that my life goal is to help people “find their unique calling and live a grand adventure,” it has very little to do with helping people become wealthy, famous, powerful, or influential. It might lead to that. But it also might mean you end up with less money and power in the end because you realize that your unique calling has nothing to do with that.

I also don’t believe that finding your life calling and living a grand adventure necessarily means you need to change your job or career. It could possibly mean that but your calling goes far beyond and above how you make a living.

In the end, I’ve come to believe that if you are lucky to live long enough to reflect on how successful your life has been, you will only be asking questions similar to these:

• Did I live a life that was true to who I am, or did I live a life to impress people I didn’t even care about?
• Was I honest with myself and others about my feelings?
• Did I make and maintain deep, meaningful relationships?
• Did I work too much?
• Did I allow myself to experience true joy and happiness?*

Answering these questions in a way that feels good to your soul is how you will ultimately judge your own success.

It is all that will matter in the end.

*Adapted from Bronnie Ware’s book The Five Regrets of the Dying.

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