Your Value Isn’t Determined by Someone Else’s Judgment

In late 2007 or early 2008, I had an interview with the CEO of a global bank.

At the time, derivatives were the talk of the town. I was in Hong Kong, lots of friends and acquaintances were in banking. At dinner parties, the finance types would throw around comments like “1000% returns.” Even if it were true, my natural skepticism kicked in. Surely, someone’s losing something somewhere... or is this wealth creation out of thin air? Neither option was comforting.

I'm not a quant, I thought perhaps I just didn't understand what this was all about. As a business reporter at the time, it was my job to find out and share the information.

Walking into the interview, I was in my mid-20s but looked 12 (thanks, braces)—not exactly a good thing at this stage in my career. The CEO looked surprised to see me, he was a little detached, wasn’t very chatty, and honestly, as an introvert, I didn’t feel the need to make sure his impression of me was “correct.” My goal was simple: ask questions, get answers, and work on a story that would benefit our audience.

I asked a few basic questions to set the stage. And then came his reaction: "Oh, you actually know what you’re talking about."

Was it an insult disguised as a compliment? Or a compliment disguised as an insult? It felt loaded, but I didn’t dwell on it because, frankly, I didn’t care. That was my superpower. That's the beauty of not internalising other people’s negativity—it’s their issue, not yours.

Whenever someone is negative—rude, nasty, unkind—I think to myself, "Gosh it must be hard to live with you. But okay, benefit of the doubt, maybe you're going through something hard in life. Whatever it is, this isn't about me, this is about you."

I moved on and asked what seemed like a simple, logical question: "If someone’s gaining this much, is there someone out there losing as much?"

The CEO was visibly uncomfortable. His response: "We have a whole department taking care of that."

The CEO's whole demeanour changed. It was as if suddenly, I had earned my right to be an intellectual equal. Or at least, to not be underestimated.

He gestured to his PR person, who mumbled something about the quants in the derivatives department, that they could send me a written response later.

At that moment, I realised something important: it wasn’t just the “normals” like me who struggled to grasp these mathematically complex financial products—even some of the executives selling them didn’t fully understand them. That was deeply concerning. That's another story and we all know how that went down.

But back to the interaction itself: the CEO’s reaction—and his misconception of me—didn’t bother me. Why? Because I knew my value and my substance. I wasn’t there to impress him. I was there to ask questions that mattered, I was there to learn something new. I was doing it out of service to our audience. I wasn't there to flatter egos.

Here’s what I learned from that experience:

1?? Your value isn’t determined by someone else’s inability to see it. It’s easy to let dismissive comments get under your skin. But when you know your worth, their perception doesn’t define you.

2?? Introverts can thrive in extroverted spaces without conforming. I didn’t need to be loud to hold my ground. My quiet confidence came through in the depth of my questions, the substance of my work, the clarity and authority in my voice. He eventually became a good professional contact.

3?? Detach yourself from others’ negativity. If someone is rude, dismissive, or unkind, it’s a reflection of them, not you. Don’t let it derail your focus.

Have you faced similar situations where you were underestimated or judged? How did you handle it?

#career #journalism #confidence #introvert #business