Not Your Typical Recovery Story

Marigold Peer Voices

Anonymity is essential to the Marigold Health community so that every member has a place to be their true self; to comfortably speak openly and honestly. While our peers are not anonymous in the Marigold Health app, we still encourage them to use their own voices when they communicate, without feeling like they need to edit for an audience. In that spirit, this piece of content has not been filtered, polished, or run through the marketing machine. We hope you enjoy this sample of Marigold peer voices, and that it inspires you to join the conversation.

This isn't a story about someone who recovered from their addiction but about someone I loved so much that he inspired me to do the work I do now.??

My father, Anthony Toral, came from a prominent family in the Philippines. He was known to be the life of the party, someone who had a heart so big he would give the shirt off his back, and a person who lived his life on the edge because he loved living in the present moment. If you met him, you could tell nothing could stop him from always having a great time. My dad was also known for his ambition and dreams, including owning his own car shop because of his love for cars and everything mechanical. Still, unfortunately, those dreams never became a reality because he struggled with addiction which became the culprit for many unfortunate events in his life.??

As his eldest daughter, I saw firsthand how his addiction affected him, our family, and the impact this had on our life, even up to this day.?

My father's addiction began in his early twenties when he started drinking heavily. I think that it’s important to note that in the Philippines, drinking is a large part of our culture and daily life. When I say everyday life, I mean that after a workday, people will go out and drink daily. My dad was a heavy drinker. When he was under the influence of alcohol, just like many people, he became a totally different person and sometimes would become violent if a trigger was present.?

Unfortunately, his alcohol addiction was not the only troublesome thing; it worsened when he got into drugs like meth. This drug was easily accessible and affordable back home, and my father was no stranger to it. I think my dad truly enjoyed his life in the way he knew best but never really saw how his ways were starting to affect his family.??

I believe that one of the turning points in my dad's life that took a toll on him was in 2008, when my grandfather passed away. My?dad had already experienced a?lot of trauma before that, but he always had this strong front, making it look like he was invincible to any pain. It became apparent that he was struggling when his unhealthy way of coping with that loss was consuming more alcohol. I remember very clearly that when I got home from school, I would be very anxious to see cases of beer that my dad consumed solely by himself. His ultra-loud music was another thing I could never forget. I equate it to him drowning himself and tuning out anything that would cause him to feel emotion. I think my dad was very good at that, which I got from him because I used to cope with hardship by tuning out anything, bottling things up, and ignoring life's challenges. After all, that's what my dad did, and he did it very well.?

My dad worked in Malaysia for a few years, but in 2014, he decided to come home permanently because he didn't like being away from his family anymore. My dad was still struggling with his addiction, and it had become worse at this point. Everything he went through in life was starting to surface, and as I said, after his dad died, I think a part of him died too. Not even a month since he decided to come home, my father was involved in a severe accident that left him paralyzed and unable to speak due to a traumatic brain injury. This accident, unfortunately, was a result of his drinking.??

This accident was not only a turning point for him but a huge turning point for our whole family. It was hard to see him in the ICU with tubes coming in and out of every direction and half a skull left. We were told he would never be able to walk again, talk again, or be himself again. We didn't think he would even make it out of the ICU. It was a miracle to us that he did, and, furthermore, after years of therapy, he can walk again and do some things by himself. He can't talk anymore; he mainly just utters sounds to tell us what he needs. My dad became dependent on us for 100% of his care. The most significant responsibility fell on my mother, who tended to him 24/7, especially in the early days of his accident.?

It was heart-wrenching to see him in that state, and it was also in that state that I realized how much his addiction had ruined his life and how much it had taken him away from being a good father to us and an excellent husband to my mom.???

I believe that my dad showed signs of a cry for help, but these signs were ignored because back home in the Philippines, mental health is taboo. People don't see mental health disorders or substance use disorders as something to worry about. Heck, they don't even call it that- "disorders." I think these terms are still very foreign back home. They usually see it as something people can just get over with if they want to, and their solution is to pray fervently for it to go away. It's not like here in the US, where people recognize that mental health and substance use disorders exist and need to be addressed and treated appropriately.??

My dad’s story is one of the things that fueled my passion for making a difference. I think that his story serves as a powerful reminder that addiction can happen to anyone, and it's important to seek help and support as early as possible and not ignore someone's cry for help. I found my purpose in ensuring that someone out there does not end up like my dad. As a peer, I’ve learned how to support individuals in their recovery journey, provide emotional support, and help them find resources to overcome their addiction. I found a way to make a positive difference in people's lives, and I am determined to continue helping those struggling with their mental health or addiction.??

Everyone deserves a chance in life to make the right choices and to make them better, and I wish my dad had that chance. It might be too late for my dad, but it's never too late for someone out there.?- Rosario