Your Therapist: A Superhuman or an Average Joe?

You probably already know that therapy is not an ordinary experience and your bond with your therapist is unlike your relationships with friends, family or co-workers. So who is this person sitting in an opposite chair when you walk into a therapy room. What are your expectations towards them, especially if therapy is a new endeavor and you are still debating in your head whether it’s worth undertaking?

If you value intellect above all human qualities, you might be expecting that your therapist is in the top percentile, or for the very least part, smarter than you. Otherwise, what’s the point of listening to them or taking them seriously?

More than that, you might expect that they are someone who has resolved all problems in their life—a kind of a modern-time saint who never gets angry or sad. Otherwise, how could they help you deal with your emotional turmoil??

Do you get disappointed when you can clearly see that your therapist doesn’t know all the answers and has no idea what you should do in any given situation?

A lot of times, when people walk into a therapy room for the first time, they feel nervous. Perhaps one of the reasons why is that they are intimidated by the prospect of meeting this ‘perfect’ human being.

People probably would be surprised to know how much time professors of counselling schools dedicate to drilling into therapists that therapy is a relationship of two equals. That each client who walks into a therapy room is an expert in their own life, perfectly capable of running it.

In that case, you might ask, what’s the whole point of seeing an average Joe who is no better, smarter or more successful than yourself?

Well, there are a number of perfectly good reasons.

A therapist is not there to share their wisdom or to give you ready-made answers. They look at your situation not from a standpoint of their own life-experience, but rather through a prism of a counselling theory they are trained in. Each theory has a view on why people have problems and how they can be resolved. For example, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)—as the most common approach—believes that our problems stem from errors in thinking such as catastrophizing or jumping to conclusions. Therefore, correcting these thinking patterns and faulty beliefs about ourselves, others and the world would lead to resolution of the big and small issues we face, including depression and anxiety.?

Very differently from CBT, Somatic Experiencing looks at these same problems from a totally different perspective, assessing how the nervous system reacts to triggers, discharging access activation locked in it, and thus helping us find a state of emotional balance and peace of mind.

You would probably agree that taking these perspectives is very different from ordinary problem-solving. That’s one of the things that make therapy a special endeavor. Apart from that, and regardless of a specific theoretical approach that your therapist is trained in, their job involves creating a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions without being judged or overwhelmed by them. It is this process of self-exploration facilitated by a compassionate other that often brings answers to your questions and leads to solutions you haven’t thought of before.?

Irrespective of our intellectual abilities, this self-exploration is very difficult to accomplish on one’s own just like it is difficult to see one’s own face without a mirror. There are many things about ourselves that we take for granted, and it simply never occurs to us to probe into the thoughts and beliefs that sound like unshakable truths, while in fact are nothing more than unexamined assumptions. Hence, having a more neutral observer helps us break the repetitive patterns of thinking, reacting, and functioning that create unhelpful outcomes.

Therefore, it makes sense that even without having to be the most intelligent or in other ways, outstanding human beings, our therapists, with their special skills and knowledge, can still be of invaluable help in navigating our life’s challenges.

As articulated through a metaphor from acceptance and commitment therapy: therapists are like a fellow traveler who climbs their own mountain while we climb the neighboring one. Just like us, they haven’t reached the top yet or figured everything out. At the same time, while in the midst of their own journey, they may have a helpful perspective that might as well save us from a few obstacles and pitfalls and help us figure out what’s the best direction to take while trying to reach our goal. ?