Your Stories Are Valid But...
Ezinwanyi Onuiri
I help individuals transform their mindsets to find purpose, achieve true productivity and ignite their passion for a thriving life || Mindset Coach || UN Women UK Delegate CSW68
Hey Friends,
Welcome back...
I believe by now that you have a good idea of what stories are and how they can impact your life, it’s time to discover how to change them.
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By changing the stories that you tell yourself, you have the power to significantly alter the way you think, feel, and act. It will help you to change the direction of your life, and develop new, healthier habits.
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While it might not be quick or easy, there are lots of ways you can begin to change your story to change your life. From identifying where your stories come from, to finding the tools needed to make a change, discover what you need to know to change your stories and your life. Let's see
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Where These Stories Come From
For you to change your story, you need to first understand where it comes from. What causes you to tell stories in your mind?
Putting it simply, the stories you tell yourself come from our subconscious mind. Your subconscious is that part of your mind that is not in a state of awareness. It doesn't think or reason independently, it simply obeys the commands it receives from your conscious mind. So, it is always watching and learning and creating its own narrative. It influences all your thoughts, emotions and behaviour. It is like the computer processor.
Let's briefly look at the things that influence this narrative.
Your Experiences
Your experiences in life are the main driver behind the stories you tell yourself. From childhood right through to adulthood, everything you experience contributes towards your story narrative.
If you had a great childhood with lots of positive memories, your stories are going to be positive too. However, if you suffered some form of trauma such as being bullied or losing someone you loved, you’re more likely to tell more negative stories in your mind.?
Everything we experience influences the stories we tell ourselves.
Your Emotions
Stories are very much driven by our emotions. How you feel will make a huge difference to the types of stories you tell yourself.
If you suffer from anxiety or depression, for example, your stories will lean more towards the negative. However, if everything is going great and you are fulfilled in life, you’ll automatically tell more positive stories.
Being able to control your emotions will therefore help you to create better stories for yourself.
Your Instincts
We all have natural instincts that influence how we act and approach different scenarios. The stories you tell yourself can be influenced by these instincts, which are usually triggered by past events.
Your instincts help to keep you safe, and they are very rarely wrong. While it is important to listen to them, it’s also important to know that the stories that stem from your instincts might not necessarily be true.
A Need to Find Meaning
Our mind has a need to find meaning in everything that happens around and to us. When there are no explanations for these events you experience, your mind will just make them up.
This need to find meaning contributes massively to the stories you tell yourself. Unfortunately, it also adds a lot of fiction to your story.
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What Is Needed to Change Your Story?
If you want to change your story, you have to understand that it's not going to be easy. It takes time to switch your mindset and silence that inner critic. So, this means you will have to be patient and persistent.
Let’s look at some of the basic things you will need to change your story.
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It will difficult to change your story without first changing your mindset. As you already know,t negativity breeds more negativity. So, if you want to change your story into a happier, more successful one, you’re going to have to work on developing a positive mindset. ?
There are lots of ways to do this, such as meditation, positive affirmations, journaling, and building up healthy habits.
When you switch your mindset, you’ll find it so much easier to start rewriting your story. In fact, it will naturally change the more positive you become.
A lot of people struggle to change their story because they fail to have realistic expectations. They think their mindset and narration will change overnight, when in reality it can take months if not years to fully change how you think about the world around you. Ultimately, it depends upon the circumstances that caused you to develop a negative mindset.
So, learn to keep your expectations realistic. Know that it will take time to change your story, but with persistence and patience you will gradually start to see progress.
When you set healthy boundaries, you will be respected and you will be far less likely to put up with any bad behavior towards you. In contrast, when you tell yourself negative stories, it prevents you from setting the boundaries you need.
So, to change your story, start setting acceptable boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate. How do you want people to treat you and what will the consequences be if they don’t?
When you stop putting up with bad behavior from others, you’ll start to develop better peace of mind. You’ll also feel like you have a lot more control over your life, making you feel empowered rather than helpless.
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Start by assessing how people currently treat you. What boundaries could you put in place to help improve your relationships?
It's good that you are planning on changing your story, but you must commit to action. Nothing is going to change unless your actions change. I believe you’ve heard this famous quote:
“Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.”
If you continue the same behaviors, actions, and thought patterns, you are not going to be able to change your story.
This cannot be over-emphasized. The people you surround yourself with make a huge difference to how your story unfolds. If you want to change your story and position yourself for success, you to need to make sure you are surrounding yourself with the right people.
Let go of toxic friends and relationships. If you don’t, you’ll find it almost impossible to change your life. They will do nothing but bring you down and attract that negative voice. Instead, look to build more positive relationships with like-minded people.
Positive people bring out the best in you. They are fun to be around and they encourage you to be your best self. Think about this: when you hang out with a negative person, how does it make you feel afterwards? Drained, sad, frustrated? When you come away from spending time with positive people however, you tend to feel empowered, happy, and energized.
Changing your story needs you to become comfortable with taking risks. Nothing good ever came from staying within our comfort zones.
While your comfort zone provides relief in the short term, it prevents you from progressing in life – often leaving you feeling stuck. Taking risks and trying new things is the only way to change your life. ?
It could be that the changes you want to make are being held back by your habits and behavior. Focusing on self-reflection gives you the chance to look at how you might be subconsciously holding yourself back.
Self-reflection lets you not only identify any habits and behaviors you need to change, but it also helps you to really see who you are. What are your good points and what skills do you have? By looking at the positives, it boosts your confidence and reminds you that you can do anything you set your mind to.
Look at yourself and ask who you want to be. That will give you the answer to what needs to change or be improved to have the life you desire.
Making any type of change requires one thing – practice. You can’t expect to just change your habits and negative thinking overnight. Instead, you’ll need to commit to working on your new life every single day – no exceptions!
When you practice something every day, eventually it becomes second nature. The more time you spend working towards changing your story, the faster you’ll get to do it.
Remember That You Are in Charge of Your Story
Remember that you are in charge of your story. It may not feel like it, but you are in control of how your story is narrated. What do you want to say and how do you want your life to go?
The great thing about being in charge of your own story is that you can literally change it anytime you want. Don’t like where you are heading in life? Change it! There is absolutely nothing stopping you from changing the narration of your story, just the limitations of your own mind.
These are some of the main things you’re going to need if you want to change your story to change your life and position yourself for success.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of mistakes you may make along the way. However, if you truly want to change your story, being aware and avoiding these mistakes is very important. Let's look at some of them.
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Common Mistakes To Avoid
You will surely come across a lot of obstacles when you are trying to change your story. It takes a lot of effort, time, and commitment to change a negative story into a more positive one.
Even with the best of intentions, you could stay stuck in your current story if you fall for these common mistakes.
Some common excuses you tell yourself for not making a change or falling back into old habits include:
·?????? I didn’t have enough time today; I’ll do it tomorrow.
·?????? I don’t have enough money.
·?????? I was born this way, I can’t change.
Finally...
As you can see, changing your story is crucial to having and living a happy, successful and productive life. We have looked at some of the best ways you can change your story, as well as some of the things that can hold you back. By avoiding making the mistakes I've shared above, you’ll find it much easier to start changing your story.
Next week, we will look more in depth at how to break those false stories you tell yourself. From adopting a new mindset to addressing past trauma, you’ll discover exactly what you need to do to live a happier, more positive life.
Till next time...
Love and light,
Zinny Onuiri - The Mind Alchemist?
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