Your Special Culture Will NOT Be For Everyone

Read on my website / Read time: 3 minutes

Everyone sees the world differently.

Let’s just start there. What YOU the coach sees and what your player or parent sees are going to be very different. If we are being honest, what YOU the coach sees, and what YOU the parent sees can also be very different, even though YOU are the exact same person. It happens to me constantly–how I experience a situation on the soccer field can be completely different to how I experience the identical situation on the homefront.

So if it’s possible to see identical situations differently within our own consciousness, why do we think our special culture will be experienced similarly by everyone?

Knowing our culture is “not for everyone” can be empowering because it can better focus the work–instead of trying to change someone’s perspective, we can focus on iterating with people who believe in our culture and vision.

Here are the 5 most common reasons why your culture will not be for everyone.

1. It’s Actually Not a Good Fit

It is possible that your environment is not the best fit for a specific moment in a player’s development.

Both parties understand the merits of the environment philosophically, but think its demands and ideals are a step too far. In this case, it’s in the players best interest to find an environment that will push them, but provide them enough small wins to want to keep pursuing their potential.

Think of it as a mutual parting of ways.

2. We See Development Differently?

This is when there isn’t a shared understanding and belief in the developmental process.

Development is a two way street, so if we don’t follow the same rules of the road, inevitable crashes occur. The parent or player who wants assurances and outcomes will see your environment as a means to a defined greater end, which means they will never truly trust the process or your vision.

Do your part to educate and reeducate people on what your vision and culture entail, so that people who don’t want your culture will know ahead of time.

3. It’s Too Big A Change

To be a Developer is to be counter-cultural.

Most people who enter your environment have never been exposed to a true developmental environment, so it can be a shock to the system. Again, educate and reeducate about what you truly provide, while having enough empathy to understand that this is all new to them.

If after a long-enough time span, they still don’t understand the dynamics of your culture, it might make sense to part ways.

4. Someone Else is Selling Assurances

Your pitch is the longer road–the Non-Developer sells the shorter road of assurances (playing time, exposure, future opportunities, etc.).

Many people will opt for the latter because assurances help us avoid the necessary pain of being vulnerable, trusting a process and becoming a version of our best selves. Assurances kick the Truth of development down the road for short-term dopamine hits that provide security today.

And that’s ok because if they want the shorter route, they were never a fit for your environment.

5. The Elephant in the Room

The real friction of your culture: it implicitly shows parents how to be better parents.

Your values and principles will force people to self-reflect. And self reflection for a parent that is unwilling is going to cause tension.

Development is a game that works in tandem with any game we choose to play (i.e. parenting), so there will be inevitable tension with the parent who isn’t able to truly self-reflect.

Final Words

The reasons why someone isn’t a fit matters less than the wisdom and understanding that your culture will never be for everyone.

To believe your culture should be for everyone does 3 detrimental things:

1/ It strips you of the empathy required to see the bigger picture,

2/ It sacrifices the humility required to continually improve your culture, and

3/ It prioritizes your ego over the pain that comes with someone implicitly saying “your culture is not good enough” or by definition “you are not good enough”.

The reality that your culture is NOT for everyone gives you the permission to keep iterating on its behalf.

Because your culture IS special.

It’s just not for everyone.

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