Your Shaped Shot: Every Leader's Guide to Finding Your Transforming Stories

It stands to reason that if you have aspired to doing great things, you will have been learning great lessons along the way. Why not share them?

I have to confess at the start that I don’t know a thing about golf, other than it involves grass and some kind of a ball. Rumor has it there are holes. And I know better than to use the words inning or quarterback or net. In fact, when I asked a golfer friend of mine to help me double-check the event that inspires this article, I said, “I think there was a jacket involved.” So, obviously, I’m not even going to try to fake it.

But that’s not going to keep me from talking about what Bubba Watson said when he won the 2018 US Masters Golf Tournament:

“I never got this far in my dreams.”

Two thoughts immediately crossed my mind when I heard that line, reported over morning news the next day:

“Oh my.” And then…

“This has the makings of a great Rascal Flatts song. I hope they hurry up.”

And then my friend showed me a 2012 image of Bubba’s ball path as it obediently flew the complicated journey that the golfer set for it. Starting from a very inauspicious spot deep inside some trees. Click here to access that image, because, you know, copyright issues.

“Really?” I asked incredulously. “Can a golfer really control the path of the ball like that? It looks like it was steered by a drone.”

“Well, most golfers can shape their shots to some extent by the time they reach pro level,” he said. “But only a few on the planet can do what Bubba did.” And then he returned to staring at the image, flooding his brain with whatever hormone it is that brings us that geeked-out feeling.

Since I’m not a golfer, as I stare at that photo, I’m left with the question: “How’d he do that?” But I’m not looking for the technical answers like my friend would. I’m thinking about all the things he did, lived, learned, all the skills he built, and that amazing power of focus and mindset that empowered him to send the ball way down a narrow alley of trees, out into the open, bank to starboard like a Cessna, sail across some grass, and then cooperatively halt and drop right where it was told to.?

(Also not lost on me is the fact that this particular forest alley was lined on both sides by humanity. Without helmets. Each spectator fully trusted that Bubba would be sending that ball right down the middle. In lesser hands, there would be a likely hole in one, but that hole would be a third eye drilled into the prefrontal cortex of one pink-panted spectator. Lots of people put their personal safety on the line with every expectation that whatever Bubba was going to do, he would do it right.)

There are a churlish few who would say, “Well, a lot of what happened for Bubba was pure dumb luck.” Okay fine. Luck comes (or doesn’t come) to all of us. It’s those choices, disciplines, challenges that he intentionally mastered along the way that put him in the position to make the most of every stroke of luck that also came his way.?

And if that’s what we really have the most control over in our lives, don’t we still owe it to ourselves to pursue answers to the question, “How’d he do that?”

It’s the Little Stories That Shift the World

At the moment I’m working with the founder of a group whose name you’d recognize. He sends teams of volunteer surgeons all over the world to countries to provide free healthcare to children living in a level of poverty, lack, and superstition that defy description. (Except I could tell you the story of a baby whose facial deformity was deemed to be the sign of a witch’s curse. And how the village elders told the father to murder the child. Or else. That sort of thing.)

In our interviews, he fills my recorder with tales about times when he had to sweet talk dictatorships to gain their trust so that his team could take care of hundreds of their children. Or the time when the last-minute donation of $2 million from one person saved a single global event that would provide life-changing surgeries to 5,300 children in 40 countries in just a handful of weeks. Or the orphaned twins rescued from a darkened, abandoned Romanian apartment building. Or rifles on a cross-Africa flight, borne by unsmiling gentlemen, dressed in camouflage designed specifically to enable them to disappear instantly into jungles. They moved with the presumption of some kind of authority, which prompted this particular party of passengers to give up their precious cameras.

All that is spellbinding, to say the least. And if it doesn’t prompt you to ask yourself, “What have I been doing with my life?” you might not be awake. But really, what transferrable skill might be learned from the story of how you surrendered your cameras (and all that irreplaceable exposed film) in exchange for the privilege of landing at your preferred destination with your respiratory system still in full working order?

It’s the little stories, just subtly slid in there between the escapades, that will change the world for any ordinary person who might be, for instance, afraid of flying or hasn’t updated the passport. In this case, my client told me the story of the decision he made as a young med student that changed his life.?Ready for it??Here it is:

He mailed a letter.

He had heard about a pioneering surgeon who was developing new techniques in Zurich.?And my client simply mailed the guy a letter asking if it would be okay if he could travel to Zurich and study with him. Just for a little while. Sure, the esteemed surgeon replied. Come on over! (Or something to that effect.)?

“You what?” exclaimed his incredulous young classmates.?“You wrote him a letter??That takes some stones!” (Or something to that effect.)

His response: “What did I have to lose? Just the cost of a postage stamp.” That one shrugging, “What the heck? What do I have to lose?” step he took in life set him on the path where decades later he’d be changing the lives of hundreds of thousands of children all around the world.

Hmmmm, thinks I, 40 years later. “Just the cost of a postage stamp.” Perspective. Proportion. Taking a risk with zero downside.?I pocketed that little tidbit, and I refer to it at least once a day. That letter changed his life 40 years ago.?And it changes my life today. In a small way, to be sure. But isn’t it the small refinement that stands the best chance of sticking?

Your Stories Are Not About You

One of my clients is a natural-born storyteller. His delivery style is informal, charming, even endearingly humble. His company’s track record speaks for itself. His audiences adore him. They can actually duplicate his success, assuming their heart is in the challenge. His advice from the platform is actionable as soon as each audience member begins the drive back to the office and starts mulling over his message.

Likewise, I adore working with him. His message is powerful, positive, empowering, and the real deal. But frustratingly (for me, at any rate), he resists gathering stories from his life. Somewhere along the way of his life, he learned to associate personal stories with, what he calls, "baggage." As a result, his speeches aren’t as resonant as they could be. And I worry that he’s going to burn himself out if he doesn’t refresh his material.

But stories aren’t baggage! They’re magic carpets!

Stories aren’t baggage! They’re magic carpets!

My cherished hope is that one day he’ll come around to my way of thinking. Stories don’t have to be baggage stories. Baggage stories without a point or direction are manipulative gimmicks to seize a compliant audience by the throat and reach down into their hearts. Without much ROI for the nasty emotional ride. Audiences aren’t left with much more than the questions: “Is the bar downstairs crowded??Maybe I should just go straight to room service?”

To my client's point, no one wants to hear baggage stories. Unless there is a life lesson that anyone within earshot can take onboard and apply to their own lives. So, in this respect, your life stories are never about you. They are about the people you inspire. They do want to hear the baggage stories, assuming those stories lead them back out into an actionable light eventually.?But they’re not looking to be dragged through the mud of a dysfunctional past. They just want to learn how to make better choices that will transform their lives and businesses.

When your followers want to know, “How did you do that?” what they really want to know is, “What can I learn from you so that I might be able to do something like that myself one day?”

How do you know when you’ve got a good story? Todd Henry, author of the book Louder Than Words: Harness the Power of Your Authentic Voice, points to resonance and relevance as the characteristics any story must have to be worth the breath it takes to utter it.?If the audience can’t personally connect with what you’re telling them, you might as well be singing in the shower. (Actually worse, come to think of it. People don’t expect as much from you when you’re naked behind closed doors. Rarely are tickets bought for such an occasion.)

Here are some ideas to get your wheels turning.

That time when:

• You learned to have faith.
• A slight distinction changed everything for you.
• You said yes when the rest of the world would have said no.
• You realized that everything you went through prepared you for the big moment, or the next moment.
• You finally learned gratitude, patience, understanding, belonging.
• You learned to take responsibility, or you learned to let go.
• You learned to ask for help.
• You blew right by your dreams and achieved heights that astonished even you.
• You changed your mind, and that changed everything.
• You stood your ground, and that changed everything.
• The angels high-fived each other because you stood up for what’s right.
• Someone stood up to you.
• You lifted someone else’s heart, even when you were feeling low yourself.
• You thought all was lost and really it was just under your nose all along.
• You almost gave up but didn’t.
• You decided to stop listening to a trusted leader.
• You forgave someone.
• You forgave yourself.
• You decided to skip the forgiveness thing altogether because, whatever, life’s short.

Your Lasting Legacy Lies in What You Teach, Not In What You Make

Because I help CEOs and other leaders shape the story of how they “shaped their shot,” I enjoy reading examples of other CEOs telling readers how they did it. Last week I read Phil Knight’s memoir Shoe Dog, about the founding of Nike. It had all the essential ingredients: Detail, drama, emotional honesty, dialog, betrayal, skullduggery, naivete, stupidity, unrelenting vision, tragedy, white-knuckle page-turning cliff hangers. And, of course, a lovely love story. His is a story that sticks to the ribs.

And you think about it for days later.?As I’ve been mulling over what I’ve read, I keep thinking this:?Eventually, all Nike products will be destined for the landfill or whatever recycling wonders go on and on and on until finally there is nothing left to recycle. And that goes into the landfill.

But the lessons contained in Knight’s life story will echo far into the future. Generation after generation after generation, creating what former Apple Chief Talent Officer and CEO/Founder of The Human Revolution Studios Dan Walker calls, “the organic growth of great stuff.” Future generations who are inspired by Knight and Nike will in turn inspire additional future generations, some of whom eventually will have never even heard of Phil Knight. But they will walk in his proverbial shoes. In the process, more and more great stuff happens.

So what shot is within your control to shape? Could be a new running shoe. Could be a new thing that requires regular charging. Could be a new smile on a small child living on a remote island in the Philippines.

But I submit that your best shot that you shape today will be one that you never see land. Your dreams just can’t carry you that far.

And that’s the best part of your story.?The part that you’ll never know.

(Pssst: If you're still having trouble imagining what value your life stories bring to the people who admire you, check out my blog post: The Non-Narcissist's Plan For Repurposing Your Past. )

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Called "the thought leader's thought leader," Martha Finney helps leaders, entrepreneurs, and other visionaries shape their unique points of view and life experiences to inspire the rest of the world to make better decisions. She is also the author, co-author, and ghostwriter of 26 books. And her original research into joy in the American workplace has been covered by The New York Times, CNN, NPR, Time, The Washington Post, The Miami Herald, and The San Francisco Chronicle.

Her own stories include the time when:

• She spent three years living on a super secret CIA training base.
• She supplemented her income playing hammered dulcimer on the streets of Georgetown.
• She made Jann Wenner, publisher of Rolling Stone Magazine and earliest arbiter of cool, lose his own cool because of a particularly persistent -- but polite -- interview.
• She spent two months driving all over the United States in a convertible interviewing hospital CHROs who love their work. And sprang to her feet in the middle of the night in Coral Gables, convinced that she had left her three cats behind in some forgotten motel room in Youngstown. Only to remember, as she slowly woke up and came to her senses, that they were safe at home .
• She asked a stranger on the beach in Carmel for a pen, only to have the very next wave deposit a working ball point from a Hawaiian golf course right at her feet. And other mind-blowing deus ex machina and synchronicity stories.
• She interviewed a beautiful hospice nurse who works exclusively with children; and cried throughout the entire session.
• She tried to set up a spay/neuter program for the feral cats on the USVI island of St. John, with the amazing dedication of the veterinary program at Tufts University.
• The angels high-fived each other.

To learn more about Martha's work and to contact her directly, visit www.marthafinney.global.