Is it your right to be offended?

Earlier this year Jo Brand told a joke on a radio program about throwing battery acid in Nigel Farage’s face. The joke may have been in bad taste, but was it offensive?

The dictionary definition of offensive is cited “as causing someone to feel resentful, upset, or annoyed.” I think there is a big difference between being offensive and being in the wrong. Unfortunately we seem to have gotten the two mixed up. Just because something someone does or says is offensive to someone else, it doesn’t mean they are doing anything wrong.

Being offended is totally s subjective experience. What offends me is going to be different to what offends you. I am personally offended by people who don’t put their phones on silent when texting and also those who eat hot food on public transport. Are they in the wrong or breaking any laws? No.

A few months ago I was introduced to someone at a networking type event. I gave my new acquaintance a typically British greeting of “Hi, you ok?” The gentleman looked decidedly unhappy and questioned why I had asked him such a thing. I literally had no idea what he was talking about. He went on to explain that where he comes from asking such a question implies that I think he doesn’t look ok. I explained to him that I am not actually enquiring about his health, it is just a simple greeting with no offence intended.

Intent has a large part to play in offence. Take Katie Hopkins for example, she was say outlandish things with the intent to offend and generate a reaction. I do believe that Jo Brand was not trying to offend, but to make a joke, admittedly however it was in bad taste.

There is no denying that there is a lot of hatred in the world right now and lots of people are in the wrong, both ethically and legally, who intend on offending you. With constant overstimulation from the news, internet, phones etc, we have become very sensitive and often our reaction is not fitting for the trigger.

I watched a YouTube video of people at a political march. An interviewer asked a woman with a placard, what she actually wanted. The protester said that the person she was campaigning about was offensive to her and she wanted them to leave their position. The interview said that this wasn’t going to happen, with that the woman get really angry and stormed off.

From observing people who get offended it seems that they want the offender to change their behaviour, and they will use their emotions to achieve that goal. If the offender doesn’t change their behaviour, the offended get ever more emotional where they can abreact, breakdown and cry or even lash out.

So what can we do if we get offended by someone or something? Firstly ask yourself these two questions and try to remain objective:

Is this illegal or against any rules?

Was the offence intended?   

If the answer yes to either of these, then you are well within your rights to take offence and possibly seek change in the behaviour or circumstance that is causing the issue.

However, if you answer no to the above, then unfortunately it is your problem to deal with. At this point it is a good opportunity to explore your own issues by asking yourself “this feeling I have now, how familiar is this and when is the first time I can remember feeling this way?” Go back to the first time you can remember feeling this feeling and you start to discover your emotional imprints that have made you into the person you are today.

When someone or something annoys you, and they are not doing anything against the rules or intending to offend you, take ownership of the fact that it might be you that needs to change. See being offended as an opportunity for your own growth and just imagine how much a nice place your head would be if it wasn’t being triggered all the time.

The above process I explained is what we do in IEMT. We look for the imprints of how you learned how to feel a certain way. By process this memory you can change your emotional response to it. It is a very simple process but highly effective. It is not a talking therapy and we are not trying to understand your issues verbally. It allows you to change your reaction so you can live a happier life.

Just imagine that instead of complaining at being offended that people actually questioned their own responses and worked on themselves. The internet would be a nice a nice place, everyone would get along much better and Katie Hopkins would be out of a job.

If you want to learn more about IEMT, I have written a handbook. Just PM me and I will send you a free copy.

Matt