Your response ability is your responsibility

This week, I started thinking more, researching and writing more about our responses. ?Our responses to stimuli, to people, to stress, to work and beyond. ?I will probably write about this for a few weeks and I think it is a really interesting subject. ?I hope you do as well.

Lately, I have been inspired to do this by two friends. ?One is a medical doctor who has lately veered in to the mind more than the body. ?His introspection mirrors many of my own and I feel like I have found a kindred soul. ?Our recent chats have been enlightening. ?Merci, Martin!

The other friend is someone I met over social media about 15 years ago (It can be good if you translate meeting online in to real life!). ?Funnily enough, his name is John Dallas as well. ?John R. Dallas Jr. to be precise. ?As far as we know, we are not related. ?Maybe there is a common ancestor somewhere, but we haven’t yet found him or her. ?Mr. Dallas wrote a book called We Need to Have a Word (https://a.co/d/3LwZnYE) that is an amazing journey in to vocabulary and how we live through it. ?The chapter called “Response” says it was inspired by yours truly, which is an honour for me to have had an impact on one such as John R. Dallas Jr.. ?That chapter in return has inspired me here and I continue to work “toward developing your (my) skills to respond authentically, appropriately, humbly, constructively, creatively and productively”. I have even done Q&R (Question & Response) sessions instead of Q&A, because, as Mr. Dallas says, “not all responses can be answers”. ?

The first thing we should think about in our ability to respond is how we think about our responsibility internally. ?One of my favourite ways to think about it is called The Empowerment Dynamic (TED, but not that TED) developed by David Emerald. It offers a positive alternative to the roles played out in the Drama Triangle. The Drama Triangle, originally formulated by psychologist Stephen Karpman, identifies three roles: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer, which are seen as unproductive and contribute to unhealthy dynamics in relationships and communication.

The Empowerment Dynamic, on the other hand, introduces three empowering roles:

1. Creator: The person taking responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Creators are proactive and focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
2. Challenger: Similar to the Persecutor, but in a positive sense. Challengers provide constructive feedback and encourage growth, pushing individuals to move beyond their comfort zones.
3. Coach: Similar to the Rescuer, but in a positive and empowering way. Coaches support others in finding their own solutions and encourage them to take responsibility for their choices.

The Empowerment Dynamic encourages a shift from the drama of the Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer roles to the more constructive and empowering dynamics of the Creator, Challenger, and Coach roles. It promotes a mindset of taking ownership, fostering growth, and supporting others in their personal and professional development.

Also, in both work and home situations, it's really important to make sure you understand what someone is asking before you respond. One problem that comes up a lot is assuming everyone sees things the same way, which can lead to confusion, missed deadlines, or even arguments. For example, at work, if your boss says they need something done "quickly," it might mean something different to them than it does to you, causing frustration. We might not even understand if the boss is asking for a back of the napkin calculation that can be done in minutes or if she wants a full 50 page presentation. ?A lack of basic clarity can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements if what you do doesn't match what they actually need.

The antidote is fairly easy: “clarify, clarify, clarify”. ?Checking for clarity helps avoid problems. When you ask questions to make sure everyone is on the same page, it makes things more teamwork-friendly and gets better results. At home, it can strengthen family ties and reduce confusion. It also helps use your time and energy more wisely, so you're not wasting effort on things that don't really contribute to what needs to get done. There is nothing more demotivating that having our work go unused, especially if we never needed to do it in the first place. ?In the end, taking the time to understand each other shows you're committed to good communication, making things work better both at home and at work.

I hope this is all a good start to understanding our ability to respond in ways that are good for everyone. We need to ask questions and understand. ?We are all human with different thoughts and backgrounds. ?We are people, and People Power Everything.

Have a great day and week ahead. ?I will be back next week with another type of response, stay tuned.

John

PS: If you like these, feel free to forward and encourage your friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, leaders, staff, and even mortal enemies to subscribe to the People Power Everything Podcast (Version Francophone) which has bonus material from time to time. ?You can also reach out to me at [email protected]