Your Quest for Happiness is a Joke!
Rishad Ahmed ╰☆╮
Master Leadership Coach | Keynote Speaker |Author | Bringing Wisdom to Modern Leadership | 75k+ followers
No, seriously. It's such a joke it's not even funny.
I asked a client what her ideal man would be like. She said "all I want is that he makes me happy". Booom! You're doomed for failure if you outsource your happiness to someone else. She also said "I just want him to listen attentively, makes me laugh and doesn't take life too seriously" I said to her: "do me a favour, forget about a man. Instead get Netflix with 100 episodes of "Friends".
Most normal men have moods, opinions and the attention spans of goldfish. In fact for Millennial's their attention spans are less than that of goldfish. People laugh at things they can relate to and generally to those they have an affinity for. A stranger you are just getting to know would have no idea about your ideals in life and his perception of what's funny may be totally different to yours. If a man doesn't take life seriously, how do you think he is going to take your relationship?
I had a male client tell me: "my ideal woman should have a good body, a pretty face, loves cooking, is easygoing and has a good sense of humour. What he is really saying is that he wants someone that to laugh at his jokes (probably not funny), cooks great food for him and makes him feel worthy by having a gorgeous woman on his arm.
What he should be doing is feeling complete in himself by not caring what other people think about his humour, be open to criticism and learn to cook by himself. He also has to find validation from within, not from having a trophy wife to compensate for his perceived lack of manhood.
People seeking relationships set themselves up for failure from the start by having an expectation that another person will complete their lacks. The truth is, no person on the planet will complete you if you don't feel wholeness and worthiness in yourself.
We experience our environment through our lower Chakra points. These Chakra points carry emotions such as fear, guilt, shame and self-pity.
If we are living in survival mode and trying to avoid pain and hurt, we cling to what feels safe. We look for a partner that won't cause more of these emotions. Inevitably we attract just that - more pain and suffering.
What is gut feeling? Can you listen to your gut intuition? Science has proven that neurons exist in the gut that can make decisions independently of the brain.
If your gut has been conditioned for fear and pain avoidance, it will guide you to safety. If it is conditioned for trust and love, it will truly guide you and you will have a feeling that is more real than your brain could comprehend. It is a primal intuition. It is a knowing beyond logic and it resides in our ancient DNA. However it has be tuned to a new emotional reality of love and trust.
Our higher Chakra points carry emotions such gratitude, wholeness, love, kindness and service to others.
It is imperative that we learn to balance the energy in our bodies by balancing our Chakra points and train our bodies to feel higher emotions. Essentially we have to recondition the mind to not being the body - disengage the autopilot.
How we think and feel creates our emotional state. Our emotional state dictates how we perceive others. When we are in survival mode and have thoughts and feelings equivalent to our emotions, we attract the same vibrational frequency in others.
We then find someone who has the same emotional signatures as we have and both of us are hoping to have our lacks completed by this other person.
Since this lack is never fulfilled outside of yourself, the relationship most often fails. If there are children involved, the couple may decide to live together but at a great emotional price on their children. They see how their parents feel so disconnected, living in a state of lack and fear. They start feeling and thinking the same way as their parents.
And when they grow up and seek a partner to complete their emotional lacks, the cycle continues. They attract the same type of partner who is looking for completing their lacks outside of themselves.
It's time to break this cycle and restore balance within ourselves by pulling the body out of the mind, thereby allowing us to see the other person for who they really are, not what we hope they may complete within us.
It all starts by feeling whole within yourself. This can only happen once you have undergone a journey into your self and understand what makes you who you truly are so that you can truly know who your significant other truly is.
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4 年Thank you for your wonderful insight
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4 年A great article ?? Rishad! I concur with you on all points as a Mind Kinetics Coach and believe that loving self worth, bias less approach to most ordinary things in life and journeying through"Higher Chakras" of Life as you point out is truly possible with compassion.
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4 年Rishad Ahmed ╰☆╮ very insightful piece of craftsmanship. In pursuit of happiness we tend to ignore the biggest joys that life sprinkles on us in the journey.
The Retreat Whisperer | Learning Experience Design | DreamMakers | Fractional Chief Learning Officer | Trusted Advisor | Brain Tumor Survivor | Inspirational Speaker | Personal Brand POWER Persona: Your Superhero Self
4 年Interesting...I agree with the second half of your article, and especially that feeling whole comes from within. No one else can "make" us feel anything. We choose how we interpret everything around us. However, I don't agree with all of your up front assumptions.? First, the title that "Your quest for happiness is a joke" is, of course, against everything I teach (I am the creator of the Career Happiness Project, so this is a subject I've actually studied quite deeply). It's not the quest for happiness that is the problem, is the search for it outside of ourselves and the need for external validation that will keep you from true happiness (which is what I think you are ultimately saying).. But happiness itself is a noble pursuit - it's even part of the US Declaration of Independence... though fleeting happiness or the need for others to make us happy won't get us there. My programs and my coaching is probably very similar to yours - and the second half of your article - about tapping into internal values and aligning with those values to live authentically and true to ourselves. Second, someone who laughs and finds joy and humor can also be someone who takes life very seriously - but also knows life is too short not to have fun along the way. If you stay in discovery and stay curious, and find humor and delight in the every day, you and everyone around you will enjoy life as you live it, and it says nothing at all about the depth of a person or their ability to do meaningful work and make a difference in the world.
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4 年“It all starts by feeling whole within yourself. This can only happen once you have undergone a journey into your self and understand what makes you who you truly are so that you can truly know who your significant other truly is.” Sounds practical but in reality it needs more than understanding your self. You never know when it comes. You’re not aware because you are already comfortable with yourself trying to avoid the invaders of the heart. The problem comes when you thought you had found your significant other, trusting your gut feelings but in the end you got hurt again. And the cycle goes on...healing and recovering your self back. Anyway nice article ????