"Your Queer Career?" ... Question from "Shiny New Queer Leader"[Vol.21]

In this weekly newsletter, I'll answer a workplace question from LGBTQ+ (& Ally) professionals. These will also serve as the basis for my upcoming book,?Your Queer Career?: Workplace Advice from The Gay Leadership Dude??due to hit stores in January 2024. You can pre-order your copy (and see some sweet bundle deals) here !

“Gay Leadership Dude?” … I have a question. I’ve recently become a leader of people in my workplace and I’m trying to figure out what I can do to develop my team. I don’t just want to send them to HR but take an active role in helping them be better. Any suggestions?? ~ Shiny New Queer Leader

SHINY! First congrats on the promotion! The first time you become the Leader of a team is both exciting and scary. But you’re definitely on the right path to think about how you can develop and grow those around you.

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There are a thousand ideas floating in my little noggin’ on how you can develop your team, but the one that jumps to the top is deepening your team’s emotional intelligence (also known as emotional quotient). Emotions play a massive role in team dynamics and success and helping them “amp up” those skills will lead to team cohesion and higher performance. Here are five tactics to help you and your team with increasing your “EQ”:

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(1) Incorporate “Emo Checks” Into the Team Mix. The goal for this exercise is a combination of self-awareness as well as allowing others around you to know where you’re at from an emotional/mood perspective. It can be done on a simple index card. At the bottom write a scale from one to ten, with one being, “My stress is low!” to ten being, “Help! I’m a stressball!” Have this visual indicator in a common place for the team members to both identify their own emotional state and their personal perception of the overall team. Use this as a conversation starter in team meetings: “I see most of you thought last week was really stressful. Why is that?” This not only helps you as an LGBTQ+ Leader get a gauge on the team’s overall emotional status, but it also helps them start to have collective self-awareness of their own emotional states.

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(2) Define Your Emotional Rules of Engagement. Every team should have ground rules on how they will work together, how they will communicate in meetings, etc. This includes an understanding on how to engage when angered, upset, or stressed by a co-worker. It’s best to identify the “how we will work through in a stressful situation” than expect people—in the emotional grip during said situation—to manage effectively. This not only lays out expectations of engagement, but also allows for logic to come into play before emotions (not a bad idea in stressful interactions).?

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(3) Define the Team’s Collective Emotional Strengths and “Areas of Opportunity.” An often-used workplace analytical tool is the famed SWOT Analysis where you identify your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats in any given work situation (for example you often see this conducted from a marketing perspective). Why not use the SWOT method to look at your team’s overall emotional health? Do you have, say, trust already—which would translate into a huge strength? Have your team be the ones to populate the SWOT and see what bubbles up. This not only gets you the emotional data you can use as a LGBTQ+ Leader, but also allows the team to become self-aware of their own emotional stance.

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(4) List Your Team Motivators. Similar to the SWOT Analysis above, have your team identify what motivates them. In this exercise have each person write one thing that motivates them on a Post-It? Note. After a few minutes have them present to the rest of the group. As the LGBTQ+ Leader, start to group like-items together to see trends among team members. Once all Post-Its are on the wall ask participants what they see? Then—on a white board or flip chart—list what the team needs to accomplish (could be very detailed or high-level). Once this list is done, ask the team to determine a game plan so that the work the team is doing aligns with someone’s areas of motivation. This not only helps the team do some self-reflection on what motivates them, but also helps align the work to those who will get the most out of it (of course if I’m motivated to do a task, I tend to enjoy doing it and also do it rather well). Take note of what motivates each person for future task assignments, too.

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(5) Create Stress Relief Space. As you move to help your team be more emotionally aware, understand that you’re creating the space for them to share their emotions. One of the most “taboo” emotions for people to share in the workplace is stress or distress. So, create a space that is safe and judgement-free for people to vent these emotions.?

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For example, while I was working for a software company, we often had wonderful clients call and “share their perspective” on things (read: bitch us out for no reason but to use us as a verbal punching bag). So, one of my smart leaders took a small, underutilized storage closet and turned it into the “De-Stress Room.” Inside was a comfy chair, a jump rope, tissues, and a punching bag. She had the room padded with that noise-deafening foam like in recording studios to muffle the sounds and we were encouraged to vent as needed in that space. This worked not just as a space to truly vent but it went far as a symbol from our leadership team that, “Yes, this job can be stressful, and you need this space judgement-free.” Create some safe space in your workplace for people to feel free to vent judgement-free.

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BONUS! (6) Practice “Glass-Half-Full” Mentality. This one can be really hard for some team members, as it’s hitting the root of what challenges some people from enjoying life: looking at the glass as half-empty. Studies show time and again that those who can find the most positive aspects—even in the poopiest of situations—tend to be more successful, emotionally well-adjusted, and frankly better to be around than those who are consistently seeing the negative. Challenge your team to look at the brighter side of the situation. For you as the leader, model the way by frequently asking (after those negative comments are shared), “Thanks for sharing, but what’s one good thing that came out of that situation?” to help team members look for those silver linings.

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Building the team’s collective emotional intelligence of course increases their collective empathy, but also builds team identity and culture and—most importantly—builds trust among members as well as with you, their fearless leader.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Steve Yacovelli (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude?”) is an expert in diversity and inclusion, change management, and leadership. He’s worked internal for folks like The Walt Disney Company, IBM, Tupperware Brands, and several universities before starting his own consulting firm, TopDog Learning Group in 2008.

TopDog works with both Fortune 500s and not-for-profit organizations to bring about a more inclusive and effective workplace. Steve’s also an award-winning author, speaker, and catalyst. His latest book, Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of their Jungle ‘came out’ in 2019, and his next book, Your Queer Career?: Workplace Advice from “The Gay Leadership Dude?” hits shelves later this year.

Steve’s not-so-hidden agenda is to make the world a bit more inclusive for us all.