"Your Queer Career?" ... Question from "Mentee Mike"[Vol.17]

In this weekly newsletter, I'll answer a workplace question from LGBTQ+ (& Ally) professionals. These also serve as the basis for my book,?Your Queer Career?: Workplace Advice from The Gay Leadership Dude??which hit stores in January 2024. You can order your copy (and see some sweet bundle deals) here !

Hi “Gay Leadership Dude?” … I hope you can help. I’ve been focusing on my own leadership growth and realize I would like to find someone to mentor me at work. Doesn’t have to be a lot of effort, but I also don’t want to reach out to someone that’s not a good fit. What suggestions do you have for me here?? ~ Mentee Mike

Good for you for focusing on your own development, Mike! Smart Queer Leaders leverage the support of a mentor combined with things like training programs, books and websites, and peer networks to grow throughout their career. But first I’d recommend finding a coach and not a mentor. What’s the difference? A mentor focuses on solutions but tells you more how to implement those solutions. A coach also focuses on solutions but is more about asking you questions so you can discover your own solutions. It’s a small difference but really sets the tone for the type of relationship you should be seeking.

So where to find this coach? There’re many different organizations you can look for, from your local Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce to the Small Business Administration’s SCORE program (not LGBTQ+ focused, FYI) to any number of local organizations within your area that offer business and leadership coaching. Internal to your workplace, Mike, see if there’s a formal program that matches up senior leaders with other folks. While finding a coach who is not a member of the LGBTQ+ Community is fine, I feel there’s a lot of extra value in finding someone who is part of our Community, who’s faced similar situations, and who gets the “whole you,” if you can. Regardless of where you look, here are some tips-and-tricks to make the most of your coaching relationship:

(1) Be realistic and upfront with your shiny new coach. Share your S.M.A.R.T. goals with your coach very, very early on and ask their advice on achieving them (even if you’ve already given it some thought). Use these goals as the basis of your partnership and conversations. (Reminder: S.M.A.R.T. goals are those that are framed to be specific, measurable, aligned with the business and your leaders, realistic, and timely).

1. Be a human. Leverage small talk and sharing of your background and experiences to build rapport with your coach. Yes, this is a business relationship, but relationships build trust, and trust is the golden ticket for all things business success. Also, find ways to instill a bit of fun into the relationship. All business makes for a boring relationship. Make it fun but get stuff done, too. Go for an ice cream, grab a virtual adult beverage or a coffee; whatever you can do to mix it up and grow the relationship on many different levels.

2. Leverage tech to build your relationship. Some coaches want some face-to-face time, others like a Zoom chat. But be sure that you’re regularly meeting your coach in some face-to-face facet ?(virtual or IRT). Why? Humans want to engage with humans, and not disembodied voices or text in an email. It’s so much easier to build a relationship with a face than a voice or a word on a screen. Use technology to connect rather than divide your coach/coachee relationship.

3. You got this and keep getting this. This relationship is yours to cultivate! Be prepared for your conversations with your coach and take initiative. They’re not there to tell you what to do (that’s mentoring!) but to ask you questions so you make the decisions and solve your problems yourself.

4. Listen to what your coach has to say and what they ask. Your coach has experience and expertise that can help you be a better Queer Leader, businessperson, and all-around awesome person. Listen to the questions they ask and the experiences they share and be open if it’s not what you want or expected to hear.

5. Give as well as take. You’re getting some awesome (and free) consulting/help from your coach but understand they are doing this for some reason, too. Ask your coach, “What’s your WIIFM? What’s in it for you?” It’s not a rude question (well, as long as you don’t say it with THAT kinda tone), but it’s a sincere perspective to understand. Also, ask how you can help them get the W.I.I.F.M. and be sincere and help them out, too. If your coach isn’t getting out of the relationship what they expect it will just make things hard for both of you.

6. And finally: be sure to say “please” and (especially) “thank you.” Be grateful for the time, energy, and advice your coach is giving you and be sure to show and say it. Be sure to connect with that coach after your time is over (LinkedIn is awesome this way, as it a periodic reminder in your calendar).

As a bonus, once you’ve worked with a coach and that relationship is over, Mike, and you’ve grown from it, consider “paying (or ‘gaying’) it forward” and become a coach yourself. Business karma is a real thing, and when you take from the Fountain of Knowledge it’s also good to give some of that water back (and not in a weird sorta way).

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Steve Yacovelli (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude?”) is an expert in diversity and inclusion, change management, and leadership. He’s worked internal for folks like The Walt Disney Company, IBM, Tupperware Brands, and several universities before starting his own consulting firm, TopDog Learning Group in 2008.

TopDog works with both Fortune 500s and not-for-profit organizations to bring about a more inclusive and effective workplace. Steve’s also an award-winning author, speaker, and catalyst. His latest book, Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of their Jungle ‘came out’ in 2019, and his next book, Your Queer Career?: Workplace Advice from “The Gay Leadership Dude?” hits shelves later this year.

Steve’s not-so-hidden agenda is to make the world a bit more inclusive for us all.