"Your Queer Career?" ... Question from Closet Co-worker [Vol. 02]

In this weekly newsletter, I'll answer a workplace question from LGBTQ+ (& Ally) professionals. These will also serve as the basis for my upcoming book,?Your Queer Career?: Workplace Advice from The Gay Leadership Dude??which hit stores in January 2024. You can order your copy (and see some sweet bundle deals) here !

Hey Gay Leadership Dude? … I have a question: I know SCOTUS had an awesome ruling recently protecting workers from being fired for their sexual orientation or gender identity and gender expression, but should I still come out at work? I’ve been at my job for almost a year. I’m doing pretty well (even during the pandemic), but just don’t feel like I’m being my true self.. I avoid personal discussions with most co-workers (a bit easier these days in our hybrid work environment), am mindful of what’s behind me while on video meetings and keep work people very separate on social media. It’s not horrible but feels like a light dull headache every day. Should I or shouldn’t I? ~ Closet Co-worker

Hello Closet! This is a big question and so glad you asked. A 2020 Boston Consulting Group survey found that 40% of LGBTQ+ employees say they’re closeted at work. So, you’ve a lot of company here. And while it’s still uncertain how workplaces handle that SCOTUS ruling (and how that will impact the “closeted” data) AND until The Equality Act finally gets its day in the sun, for some being out at work is still a very uncomfortable place to be, balancing your work self with your authentic self.

Your question is big: so, should you? I hate to say, “it depends,” but it does. Here are some things to help you process through:

1. Start with the “why.” Ask yourself, “Why do I want to come out at work?” Is it to potentially eliminate that dull headache you described? So you can proudly share your home and life on those video calls? So you can divert the energy you’re spending on hiding your authentic self and channel it into being a more productive and successful employee? Be clear on your intention and the real reason behind sharing your authentic self with your workplace.
2. Be mindful of your organizational culture. Despite how it should be given the increased focus on being inclusive, is your workplace one that embraces differences and celebrates inclusion? Are there organizational values plastered on your intranet site that celebrate inclusion? If so, are they really what’s embraced in the day-to-day operations of your work, or just good PR or recruitment fodder? Getting a temperature check on your work culture can help you see potential support or roadblocks when you do decide to share your authentic self.
3. Look at what your organization has done internally. What has happened (if anything) to others within the workplace who’ve already come out and shown their authentic selves? Is your org cool with being vocal about LGBTQ+ inclusivity? Are there out senior leaders in your workplace? Does your workplace support an LGBTQ+ (or any) employee resource group? Do they have, say, trans employee healthcare benefits and support? Actions (and policies) speak louder than break-room posters or website images.
4. Look at what your organization has done externally to embrace inclusivity. How did your workplace (and hopefully continues to) react to the hashtag#BLM movement? How did they publicly react to the SCOTUS Title VII ruling? Historically do they participate in things like Pride celebrations? Were they vocal or silent about these and other social justice spotlights recently? What’s their Corporate Equality Index rating from HRC?(if at all)? Smart businesses let the external world know their organizational values, especially by how they react to injustice outside of the workplace.

This is such a personal thing, so I won’t tell you what to do. However, personally I think life is too short to work in a closet (virtual or otherwise) and be in an organization that doesn’t value your authenticity. While easier said than done, there are many wonderful employers out there who value—and many even seek out—members of our Community to be part of their workforce. And—with the COVID-19 “experiment” of working remotely being embraced by many employers—this new world just gave a lot of value to remote working. That allows you job opportunities with smart, inclusive organizations well beyond your ZIP code. Your awesomeness may be better appreciated in these places versus a place that doesn’t value your shiny unicorn-self!

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a version of this appeared in Watermark Online at https://watermarkonline.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Steve Yacovelli (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude?”) is an expert in diversity and inclusion, change management, and leadership. He’s worked internal for folks like The Walt Disney Company, IBM, Tupperware Brands, and several universities before starting his own consulting firm, TopDog Learning Group in 2008.

TopDog works with both Fortune 500s and not-for-profit organizations to bring about a more inclusive and effective workplace. Steve’s also an award-winning author, speaker, and catalyst. His latest book, Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of their Jungle ‘came out’ in 2019, and his next book, Your Queer Career?: Workplace Advice from “The Gay Leadership Dude?” hits shelves later this year.

Steve’s not-so-hidden agenda is to make the world a bit more inclusive for us all.