"Your Queer Career?" ... “HAVE A HEART, HONEYBUN: LEVERAGING EMPATHY AS A QUEER LEADER” [Vol.27]

For the next few “Your Queer Career(R)” Newsletters we’re going to veer away from the Q&A format, take a step back, and focus on each of the Core Leadership Competencies that I’ve found that–when developed–really make an impact for any leader: Queer or otherwise.

In this edition let’s focus on “Leveraging Empathy” …

Emotions: Not Just for our Personal Life!

In a world that’s changing faster than ever (pandemics! hybrid workplaces! shifting politics and economies!), smart Queer Leaders need to leverage empathy now more than ever. In years past, as I shared in Pride Leadership, the workplace culture was focused on just the logical side of who we as humans are, and emotions were meant to be left at the door. We now know this isn’t the way humans (nor successful businesses) operate, and smart Empathetic Queer Leaders know that we need to both be aware of our own emotional state and the emotional state of those around us.

The concept of having “emotional intelligence” was coined by Dr. Daniel Goleman (often seen as the daddy of modern emotional intelligence). Goleman notes that people have two areas of emotional intelligence: (1) Personal Competence, where we focus inward on our own emotional state and mange those emotions effectively, and (2) Social Competence, where we focus on understanding the emotions of those around us and interacting with those folks, supporting their emotional state, and reacting appropriately where emotions are involved. Smart Empathetic Queer Leaders exercise emotional intelligence in the workplace and know that emotions are a part of how we do business.

Why Are Most Queer Folks Emotionally Intelligent?

Think about your life: for many of us Queer Leaders we often hid our authentic selves, either because we weren’t too sure what our authentic self actually was at the time, or our environment or context didn’t seem as welcoming as we’d hope, preventing us from showing our true selves. Regardless, we trained ourselves (unconsciously or consciously) to adjust and fit into the prevailing context. Thanks, cave brains, for keeping us safe!

Reflect on this, Queer Leader: have you been able to get a read on people, get a sense on their openness to and acceptance of you? What about having feelings for others who are marginalized, disenfranchised, or being treated unfairly because of who they are? Yes, these are situations where we—as LGBTQ+ people—have exercised our empathetic muscles. While I’m not saying our straight friends don’t do this, we as Queer Leaders have had a lot of opportunity to exercise these skills just given who we are and our context in today’s society. And that experience can be leveraged for leadership success.

What Does “Empathetic Leadership” Look Like?

Aside from being aware of their own emotions and those of your teammates, Empathetic Queer Leaders apply this knowledge in a variety of ways for workplace success:

(1) Empathetic Queer Leaders Create Psychologically Safe Spaces. By actively listening and showing that they care, Queer Leaders create a safe space for open communication, collaboration, and personal growth. Their team members feel valued, respected, and heard, which allows them to bring their A-game (a.k.a. high performance) and also build strong relationships with those around them. This safe space enables folks to take risks and contribute their best work, resulting in improved teamwork and higher engagement. And who doesn't want to be part of a team like that?

(2) Empathetic Queer Leaders Promote Team Member Well-Being. Empathetic Queer Leaders prioritize the emotional well-being of their team members. They recognize that each person is unique, with their own strengths and challenges and ways of expressing their emotions. By being understanding, patient, and compassionate, these Queer Leaders create a supportive work culture that supports the personal and professional needs of each team member. Empathetic Queer Leaders listen actively, offer guidance and support, and provide flexibility when needed. This fosters a sense of belonging and reduces stress, leading to increased satisfaction and retention. So not just good for the team member but good for the business, too!

(3) Empathetic Queer Leaders Build Stronger Relationships. By genuinely connecting with their team members, Empathetic Queer Leaders create a sense of camaraderie and unity that makes everyone feel like they’re part of something bigger. These Queer Leaders encourage open dialogue and valuing diverse perspectives, and that’s why they’re focused on promoting a culture of inclusion and collaboration. This attitude helps Queer Leaders foster (and strengthen) relationships, and strong workplace relationships aren’t just how the work gets done but it makes doing the work that much more enjoyable (which leads to that whole satisfaction and retention thing as noted above).

(4) Empathetic Queer Leaders Manage Emotions to Resolve Conflict. Conflict is like a storm that hits every organization and every team, but Empathetic Queer Leaders have the courage (again see what I did there?) to manage conflict with emotional self-awareness as well as awareness of those involved in the conflict. They understand the emotions and perspectives of all parties involved and can navigate conflict with empathy, fairness, and respect.? Like #3 above, this leads to stronger relationships and improved team dynamics.

Final Empathetic Thoughts (or is it Feelings?)

Empathetic Queer Leaders foster a culture of emotional intelligence, where empathy and compassion guide interactions, promoting harmony and unity. They understand the power that emotions have within our workplace and leverage that knowledge to interact effectively with other peeps as well as throughout the workplace. By fostering trust, enhancing well-being, driving engagement, and promoting collaboration, empathetic leaders create an environment where folks can thrive and contribute their best work. And let’s face it, some workplaces can sometimes feel disconnected and uncaring, but the difference a bit of empathy can make (especially to any other “other,”) can make a massive difference.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Steve Yacovelli (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude?”) is an expert in diversity and inclusion, change management, and leadership. He’s worked internal for folks like The Walt Disney Company, IBM, Tupperware Brands, and several universities before starting his own consulting firm, TopDog Learning Group in 2008.

TopDog works with both Fortune 500s and not-for-profit organizations to bring about a more inclusive and effective workplace. Steve’s also an award-winning author, speaker, and catalyst. His latest book, Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of their Jungle ‘came out’ in 2019, and his next book, Your Queer Career?: Workplace Advice from “The Gay Leadership Dude?” hit shelves the beginning of this year.

Steve’s not-so-hidden agenda is to make the world a bit more inclusive for us all.