Your Problem was Disqualified

There's a story about two complete strangers who took the same red-eye back east late one evening.

It's a story about their strange but very meaningful encounter that night. One of these strangers is dressed in a suit, while the other is dressed very casual and is traveling with his kids. Based solely on appearances one seems to have been away on business while the other on vacation. The one thing both of these two strangers have in common is the very drained look on their face which flows through their demeanor. For the man in the suit like so many others on board all he wants is to shut his eyes and wake up at his destination. For the father of three kids, he just seems to want to stare out the airplane window with content knowing his very restless children are now safe and sound. He's finally at peace knowing they are trapped in the confinement of an aircraft. Soon after take off the business traveler is slowly drifting off to sleep only to be awoken by the children of the vacationer who doesn't seem to care at all. With the seatbelt sign turned off, the kids of the vacationer are wide awake, crying, laughing, disruptive, obnoxious and causing a stir about the cabin. Now, it's not just the business traveler who is upset, it's several other travelers on board. All of the them with the same thought, why won't the father of these kids acknowledge the situation? Why won't he parent his kids?

“Excuse me sir, can you pay attention to your kids? In case you didn’t realize it, this is a red-eye flight and ALL of us would like to TRY and get some sleep," says the business traveler to the vacationer. Stunned and all-of-a-sudden very aware that his kids are ruining the chances of sleep for others, this man [who clearly appears to be mentally drained and out of sorts with reality] looks up and quietly apologizes to everyone. In an instance, perspective is provided for all within an earshot of the "fathers" apology. In the most apologetic and sincere way, the father responds to the businessman,

"I'm so sorry sir, I have been at the hospital the past two days, my wife was killed on our vacation."

The father then unbuckles his seat belt, gathers up his children, hands them some crayons and resumes his post, staring out the airplane window. 

(Just for the record, I first heard that story in my Sunday School class)

Think of that random phone call we all have gotten, it's your colleague, or your wife, your friend, or maybe it's you making the call. You know what kind of call this is. The sounding board here to vent our frustrations. "So and so did this, can you believe it?" Personally, I know I have made that call over a hundred times. Wearing my emotions on my sleeve, I get in the mode of "Speak, feel, and think," rather than "Feel, think, speak." It ends up coming across like a Big Brother Head of Household gone wrong only to be blindsided on eviction night. If only we had stories of the two men on the red-eye in our ear every time we felt like our problem was bigger than world we wouldn't need to vent to anyone....ever. 

As a boss, as a dad, as a mentor, as a friend, as an accountability partner, and as a sponsor I usually start off my response to someone's problem by asking a simple question. "What's the worst thing that could happen in your life right now?" The answer almost unanimously every single time is the same. The worst thing that could happen to any of us is a death in our immediate family. Hands down, that would be the worst. 

So why do we let things like losing a deal, losing our job, getting passed over for promotion, losing an argument, dealing with an annoying colleague, or a kid keeping us awake at night on a red-eye get in the way? Usually it's our expectations. Sometimes when we expect something to happen only for it to not work out, we get angry or emotional. The issue with that is over half the time that actually happens we never mentioned our expectations to the person not living up to them.

So how can we get upset for someone not doing what we didn't tell them they could or could not do? It's simple really, the answer to our unmet expectations lies within the encounter between the two strangers. You see, it's their problem. One of the problems is real, the other problem is not a problem at all. It's not that your problem doesn't matter, it just doesn't qualify. You need to focus on a bigger problem get out there an find one. 

If you need some more perspective, here's one that qualifies. 

In the fall of 1989 roughly an hour north of Minneapolis. I was 9 years old and my BMX bike was comparable to a modern day GPS tracking device. Occasionally I can see how far out my wife is from the house so I can begin to look productive when she walks in. At the age of 9 was around the time I was just venturing into exploring the world, throwing snowballs at oncoming traffic and playing "ding-dong-ditch" with my neighborhood friends. If my mother wanted to know where I was, all she had to do was look for the pile of BMX bikes in the front yard of someone's house. I was most likely inside eating Doritos and playing Mike Tyson's Punchout [007 373 5963]. I wasn't asking for permission or being told I can't go, but it was right around the age of 9 when calling my mother to let her know I got to my destination, began. It had everything to do with October 22nd. That was the date in history when things changed, it was that exact date where three neighborhood boys from an hour north of us went for a ride on their bikes but only two came home. In case you don't know, that missing boy was Jacob Wetterling and that night was the last night anyone ever saw him alive. I didn't know Jacob personally, but everyone knew of Jacob after that fall night in Minnesota. That includes every kid riding a bike around town and every single parent wondering where their kid is, just sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring. 

Here's a few more: 

What's your problem again? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Email me your problem, share it along with this article, or type it into the comments. I really want to know.

I'm a storyteller. I tell stories of grand adventures and real life. I actively choose to tell you who I am as a means to start a conversation with you rather than just bore you with "what" I do. We can talk about anything really, that's fine with me. If you ask what I do, I will tell you a very unique story about how my company assists it's clients as a digital marketing and technology firm. Maybe I'll tell you about the Celebrate Recovery Ministry I lead, or the Boards for which I serve on. Either way, this is a platform to start conversations and I want to have as many as possible. That is what I do....

Here was my last article.....