Are your personal stories getting in the way of achieving what you want for yourself?

Every day we are making thousands of decisions. These decisions are influenced by our personal stories. Through self-awareness, you can rewrite your narrative and create a different outcome for yourself. This is a story of someone who did just that...

I was asked to coach John (not his real name) by his manager. He had been moved to various departments in the company, and this was now his last chance. During our first session, I could see why I had been asked to work with him. He was extremely defensive and resorted to sarcasm every chance he got. He told me he did not want to be there and did not need someone else telling him how to live.

After a few weeks, he started opening up to me. I found out he had been in and out of several jobs and was struggling to maintain any kind of relationship. He told me he did not understand why he was so angry all the time.

After about four sessions, he had a breakthrough. Out of the blue he told me about an incident that happened to him straight after leaving school. He had challenged a group of men in authority, who he believed were abusing their positions and mistreating those they were meant to care for.

For two years he was mercilessly bullied for standing up to this group and had could not report them or remove himself from the situation. They made his life a living hell. When he finally managed to leave, he swore to himself he would never again allow himself to be in a position where people would have control over him like that.

His story became his reality.

This story played out in his mind every time he felt threatened by anyone in authority. His mantra was that he would never again allow himself to feel so powerless. The replaying of this story, every time a manager asked him to do something, led to his lashing out and the behaviors that had eventually led him to me.

Which brings me to CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

One of the books that have had the biggest impact on my professional life, is Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny et.al.

The book contains a process for effective communication called the Path to Action.

In John's case, he would see and hear the boss issuing instructions. The story would then play out in his mind, generating some really strong feelings and emotions, leading him to lash out.

Rewriting the narrative

During the next weeks, using this process, he began to rewrite his story. He realised his current boss really did have his interests at heart and genuinely wanted to help him. Slowly but surely, through his new narrative, he began to trust again. He also learnt to identify the conditions that were triggering his reaction. It was not long before things began to turn around for him.

What does this mean for us?

Every day we are asked to make decisions, many of them at a sub-conscious level. By becoming aware of the stories that influence our decision making, we have the opportunity to rewrite the narrative, leading to more positive responses.

These stories are sometimes difficult to face. I personally believe the stresses of what we have gone through with the pandemic as well as the current challenges in South Africa have added to the negative personal stories that are holding us back from true contentment and success.

My challenge to you

This week I have reflected on what stories have taken over my life and have been surprised at what I have found. I am now rewriting my narrative to create new pathways that reflect my true potential. I would encourage you to do the same.

As always, if you would like to chat - [email protected] 073 226 6527