Your Personal Development

Personal Values

When I work with clients, I encourage them to consider what their personal values are. The reason for this is that, whether we are aware of them or not, our personal values operate as an inner compass, signalling when we are on track by giving us feelings of contentment, joy or pleasure, and on the other hand, signalling when we have strayed away from our true path, we experience anger, frustration or discontent.

By taking some time to think about what our personal values are, we can then take the feelings of frustration and discord when they arise, as signals to check in with what we are doing, or experiencing, notice where the clash is and take some action to re-align with our values. 

You can watch my You Tube video here.

Why is ‘being aligned with our values’ talked about as such an important thing?

Simply because when something is mis-aligned it is less efficient, under more pressure and wears out quicker. So, if we are exerting effort to accomplish things that do not give us joy, pleasure, or contentment then we are mis-aligned - experiencing drag, resistance or turmoil. It slows us down, wears us out and causes stress.

When you know what makes you feel good, fulfilled and satisfied, you can find ways to bring more of that in to your life. When you are faced with a dilemma you can check in with what you value and see if it is in support of that. When you need to find motivation for a task, you can work out where the value is and let that spur you on to completion. You can also ask yourself what others may value and how that impacts the decisions and behaviours they choose. 

So, what are values exactly & how do I know what mine are?

A value is something you hold in high regard and have a strong emotional connection to – it means something to you, it is worth something.

Values give us a sense of who we are and what we stand for.

Here are some Values to provide examples:

Accountability Accuracy Achievement Adventurousness Authenticity Ambition Assertiveness Balance Belonging Boldness Calmness Carefulness Challenge Clear-Mindedness Commitment Community Compassion Connection Consistency Contentment Self Improvement Contribution Certainty Creativity Decisiveness Dependability Determination Devoutness Diligence Discipline Discretion Diversity Effectiveness Efficiency Empathy Enthusiasm Equality Excellence Excitement Exploration Expressiveness Fairness Faith Freedom Generosity Goodness Giving Growth Hard Work Giving Honesty Hope Humility Independence Ingenuity Identity Increase Justice Leadership Legacy Love Loyalty Obedience Openness Practicality Purpose Professionalism Progress Reliability Resourcefulness Restraint Relationships Security Self Actualisation Self-control Significance Selflessness Self-Worth Spontaneity Stability Sharing Teamwork Temperance Truth Thoroughness Timeliness Tolerance Traditionalism Trustworthiness Truth-seeking Understanding Uniqueness Unity Vision Vitality

To find out what your values are ask:

·        What is important to me?

·        What do I take most care over?

·        What elements of life could I not live without?

·        What makes me feel happy?

·        What am I passionate about?

·        What has a great deal of meaning to me?

·        Think about the things that cause you frustration and take away your harmony, which values are not being honoured here?

What do each of these things give me?

You should have some value-based words in front of you – Anything you DO or HAVE can be refined further to a Value: Look over your brainstormed items and if it is something you can do or have ask, "What does that give me?" until you get to the value underneath. Eg. Travel could be Adventure and/or Learning. Family could be Connection.  Sport could be Health.. Cross out the old word and write your new "value" word in the same spot.

Do these look like your values?

You may notice common themes come up, group these words together and ask which is most meaningful to you? This will be the Value word you take to name that group. You may have about 5-10 groups now.

Put the Value Groups in a list. You can put these Value Groups in order by imagining you are holding one in each hand and feeling the weight they have of importance, in relation to each other. E.g. Does Adventure feel more important than Honesty? It may be a tough decision but go with your gut feel.

The ‘heaviest’ value goes at the top of your list, carrying on weighing each one against the other until they are in order.

Now you may have an idea of your Values and which are the most significant to you. 

Something else to consider might be, which Values are no longer serving you? Maybe you prioritise something a as a Value which is getting in the way of something more relevant or fulfilling.

As we move through life our values can change. Think back to when you were a teenager, what was most important to you then? In what ways are you different now?

It is also important to note that we sometimes we may over-look healthy values. For example, a shift in understanding around the value of self-care, self-compassion and forgiveness can make an incredible difference to someone who had never considered them as values.

How well are your values incorporated into your life?

Check in with your life now, how many of your personal values are currently present?

How often to do you act in accordance with these values?

Can you identify areas where you are currently experiencing a conflict with a personal value?

What can you do to bring in more of these values to your life?

What do you need to move away from in order to stop any conflict with a personal value?

Which new values could you consider to help create a shift in your direction and perspective?

If you imagined a life fully aligned with these values, what would it look like?

What is the first thing you can do to start making a positive adjustment today?

P.S.

What if I am in a situation that conflicts with my Values and I am not in a position to move away from it?

Here, you can make the distinction that just because you are in this particular situation right now, you don’t have to accept the way it is as truth for you. Being able to hold your Values strongly within yourself while weathering the storm will mean you still get to acknowledge what is important to you.

You can challenge yourself to look for the meaning in the meaningless. Where can you add a little of your Values within the situation you don’t like? For example, if you value ‘making a difference to others’ and your role at work does not give much opportunity for this, then maybe you can make little efforts for your colleagues, to brighten their days, even if the overall company’s values are something completely different.

Just think, if Viktor Frankl found meaning in Auschwitz - you can probably find meaning and value in your work place!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/mans-search-meaning

Jennifer Burke – Your Personal Development Coach