Are your perceptions always right?

Our perception creates our experience of anything.

My neighbour Nathan trimmed back an aggressive overgrowing shrub in my front yard saying he loved tackling those sort of jobs. In return, I baked him a carrot cake (his favourite). I used wholemeal flour which I knew had expired, but I thought by adding extra baking power it would be fine. It wasn’t. To me, the cake didn’t taste right. I oscillated between the cake being not good enough and being near enough is good enough. I over analysed the situation for about 10 minutes contemplating this cross-roads question; do I give him the cake as it is or make another one?

I decided to make extra icing (to mask the taste of the cake) and give him the cake. The next day Nathan revealed it was one of the best carrot cakes he’d ever eaten. My not good enough cake was exceptional to him; a massive difference in perception.

What’s the moral of this story?

Everything is perception.

Everything you experience is perception based. Imagine 6 people looking at the same picture. There will be 6 different perceptions of the picture as everyone will be drawn to different elements of what they see. Their perceptions will differ.

Your perceptions are how you how you make sense of what’s happening around you – what something is and what it means. ?

Your perception of something creates your meaning of it.

There is ‘what happened’ and then there is ‘what we tell ourselves about it.’ Our emotional state is fed much more by what we tell ourselves about it versus what happened. And we all have a negativity bias. For example, your boss gives you a piece of well-intentioned feedback and you take it to heart and stew about it for days; which is you putting your own spin on it. Chances are, they’ll be a gap between your spin and your bosses view.

Our perceptions define the way we live our lives and how we feel about ourselves - our day, work, role contribution, results, relationships, life……and cakes!

Your perception is your reality.

You can’t turn your stories off, but you can choose the lens through which your story is told. Whether the spin is positive, negative or a bit of both – the choice is always yours.

Self-awareness is the key to understanding how your perceptions are driving the perspectives you choose in any situation which drive your decisions, behaviour, and how others are perceive you.

Keep in mind:

• Your perceptions don’t mean something is it’s true or even real. It’s just what you experienced.
• Your perceptions will differ from those others have, even if you believe you’re on the ‘same page’.

Being self-aware means:

• Having awareness of the stories you create and spin you put on things
• Being open to exploring the perceptions of others. This is the starting point for creating a shared understanding of something.
• Not letting your ego get in the way (even though you love being right, like everyone does). ?
• Acknowledging that you are your harshest critic. Your perceptions of yourself, aligned to your high standards, are a habitual thinking pattern designed for continual self-criticism. How you perceive yourself is a choice. Decide to be good enough. You are…. exactly as you are and you have progress to make like we all do.

Bringing it all together

Effective communication builds great relationships, trust and culture. Everything happens in conversation. ?As a leader, being open, honest, and transparent in the way you shape narratives to frame and reframe the perceptions people have and the perspectives people choose can help you become a leader worth following.

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Toni Courtney is a leadership influence expert who works with leaders and teams to build core leadership capability. Email her at [email protected] to see how she can assist.