Your Perception of Yourself vs. What Others Perceive:

Why It’s Time to Ask for Feedback

Have you put any real thought to how others perceive you?? Is your perception of yourself really what people see or is it an illusion you have made yourself believe? We all think we know how others see us, right? Maybe you consider yourself confident, friendly, and approachable. Or perhaps you pride yourself on being a hardworking, reliable team player. But here’s the thing: our perception of ourselves often doesn’t match the way others perceive us. And more often than not, the gap between the two can be a little wider than we expect.

Let’s explore how your self-perception might differ from the way the world sees you—and why it’s so important to take a step back and ask for feedback to truly understand how you’re coming across.

The Gap Between How You See Yourself and How Others See You

We all have an image of ourselves that’s shaped by our personality, past experiences, insecurities, and ambitions. Some of us suffer from imposter syndrome, others are the last coca cola in the desert.? It's what we believe we are, or how we believe we behave, especially in social or professional settings. But while this image can feel like a reflection of who we are, it's often a distorted one. Our perception of ourselves is influenced by so many internal factors—our thoughts, our emotions, our fears—that it doesn’t always match up with how others interpret our actions, body language, or words.

Imagine this: You think you're being assertive in a meeting, confidently presenting your ideas. But to your coworkers, you come off as domineering or even a little intimidating. Or, maybe you feel like you’re approachable and warm, but people see you as distant or distracted because of the way you carry yourself or the tone of your voice.?

It happens more often than you think, and it can lead to misunderstandings, missed opportunities, and even strained relationships—especially in the workplace.? I have spent many a night contemplating my own perception of myself, do others perceive that I help or hurt others around me??

How do managers/leaders see me when interacting with me in meetings or just in conversation???

Why Misunderstanding Your Own Perception Can Hold You Back

The danger of misunderstanding how others see you is that it can affect how you communicate, build relationships, and advance in your career. For example:

• Missed connections: You might think you're coming off as friendly, but others could perceive you as standoffish, which can prevent them from reaching out.
• Strained professional relationships: If you think you’re being a strong leader, but people view you as overly critical or unapproachable, it can hinder teamwork and collaboration.
• Limited growth: Without knowing how others perceive you, you might miss opportunities to adjust your communication style, which could make you more effective in your personal or professional life.

So, what can you do to bridge this gap and better align how you see yourself with how others see you?

The Power of Feedback: Don’t Guess—Ask

One of the things I have been doing lately is reaching out to those in my network, former coworkers and even managers I have worked with in the past.? It is the best way to gain a clearer understanding of how others perceive you is by asking for feedback. Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first. We all have a tendency to avoid asking questions we’re not sure we want the answers to. But if you're serious about personal growth, self-awareness, and building stronger connections with the people around you, getting honest feedback is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal.? In the end even the hard things to hear become the items to work on and aren’t always as bad as you may have initially thought.?

Feedback can come from various sources:

• Managers and Supervisors: Ask how you’re doing in areas like communication, teamwork, leadership, or customer service. Don’t just wait for your annual review—check in regularly.? A simple, “I’d love to know how I’m doing in terms of leading the team and communicating during meetings—any areas I can improve?” can spark valuable insights.
• Peers and Colleagues: Get feedback from people you work with closely. They can provide specific examples of how your actions impact the team or the work environment.
• Clients or Customers: If you’re client-facing, asking clients about their experience working with you can help you fine-tune how you present yourself, ensuring you're meeting their needs and expectations.
• Family or Friends: Even those closest to you have a perception of you, these folks may actually have some insight into your day to day attitude and how different you may be in less stressful situations.??

Here’s the key: ask open-ended questions. Instead of asking, “Do you think I’m doing well?” try something like, “What could I do differently to make our meetings or communication more effective?” This invites constructive criticism and opens the door to more honest, actionable feedback.

How to Make Feedback Work for You

Once you’ve received feedback, it's important to reflect on it—without taking it personally. Yes, that can be tough. We all want to be liked and seen in a positive light, but constructive feedback is a gift. It’s the information you need to grow.

Here’s how to handle it:

• Reflect on Patterns: Are there recurring themes in the feedback you’re getting? Maybe multiple people mention that you seem distracted in meetings. This could be a sign to work on your engagement or presence when you’re in a group setting.
• Take Action: Feedback without action is just information. Use what you've learned to make small adjustments. If people think you’re hard to approach, try initiating more casual conversations or offering a warm greeting. If you're told you interrupt too often, work on letting others speak fully before chiming in.
• Track Your Progress: Keep a journal to track your self-awareness journey. After receiving feedback, make note of your observations, action steps, and how you feel over time. This can help you stay on top of your growth and measure improvement. You can even use AI to record your journaling and help create action items.?
• Ask Again: After making adjustments, go back to your network and ask for feedback again. It shows you're committed to growing and that you value their input. Plus, it’s a great way to keep the feedback loop open.

Why Continuous Self-Awareness Matters

Self-awareness isn’t something that happens overnight, and it’s definitely not a one-time task. People’s perceptions of you will change over time, and your own self-perception may evolve, too. That’s why it’s important to make feedback a regular part of your routine—whether it’s after a big project, during a performance review, or just as a check-in.

The more you understand how others see you, the better you can adjust your approach to connect, collaborate, and communicate in a way that’s authentic to who you are, but also mindful of how others experience you.

Take the Leap

It’s easy to assume that we know how we’re being perceived. After all, we spend the most time with ourselves, right? But as we’ve seen, that perception is often a bit off. Asking for feedback might feel intimidating at first, but it’s one of the best ways to grow and become the best version of yourself—personally and professionally.

So, why not take a step today? Ask a colleague, manager, or even a friend how they see you. You might be surprised at what you learn. And who knows? That small act of seeking feedback could be the key to unlocking a whole new level of self-awareness and success. Good luck!