Your Pain as a Platform for Healing

Pain as a Platform for Healing??

On May 24, 2020, I celebrated my birthday.??

On May 25, 2020, the disregard for human life was broadcasted around the world.??

As a result of the events of that day, raw and honest conversations were taking place in a forum where race, religion, and politics were always off-limits – the workplace.?As a Black leader in my company, I was called upon to play the role of educator, ally, and?truth-teller.?I initially resisted the call to lead in that moment because May 25th?forced me to confront some hard truths about my story.??

How Can I Teach What I Do Not Know??

As an immigrant, my introduction to Black history in the U.S. educational system primarily focused on slavery and the civil rights movement.??Even a desire to understand my family history was difficult because slavery stripped us of our names, culture, and identity. Therefore, my knowledge of my history is rooted in trauma and pain that has followed me to the present reality.???

So, I had to take time to commit myself to intense studying beyond slavery, Jim Crow, and the civil rights movement, to support those who answered the call to be an ally. I needed to inform them of the systemic changes that are needed to make true the promise of equality and justice for all. On that journey, I also learned things from and about allies (who were already doing the work before being an ally was in fashion) that led me to write about the importance of Black allyship.

Am I OK???

Allies, new and old, heeded the advice to check in with their Black colleagues to see if they were ok. When I received those calls, I noticed a strange trend. I spent a significant amount of time listening, consoling, and encouraging THEM. I had compartmentalized and buried my pain so deep that I could no longer feel anything. This is a known survival tactic for people who are experiencing or have experienced a severe traumatic event.???

I watched someone lose their life and I felt nothing. That is not normal. It is not OK. I was not OK. I had to come to terms with the fact that being Black in America was (and sometimes still is) a traumatic experience for me.???

Is My Pain My Story???

The request to share my story required unearthing all the memories I tried to escape so that I could just function.?Through prayer and meditation, I was able to safely access them. Once I did, the emotions poured out of me as if the largest dam in the world had failed.?

?I cried --??

• For the boy in elementary school whose Jamaican accent landed him in English as a second language (ESOL).??
• For?the?kid,?whose?best friend’s father felt comfortable telling me N-word jokes because he saw me as "different" than Black Americans.?
• For the middle schooler whose teacher isolated and antagonized him because he could not accept me being one of the brightest students in his class.
• For the high school senior whose counselor told his parents he?wasn’t?college material, despite being in advanced placement classes.
• For the young professional who experienced microaggressions at every stage of his career.??

The Upside of Climate Change?

The salt from my tears began to melt the icebox where my heart used to be. I was coming back to life. The climate around me was changing and I could feel the warmth from the community who had said we should not and will not suffer in silence any longer. As we began practicing self-care through community conversations, eyes were opened to the symptoms of racial trauma that we were all experiencing. The question, “are you ok”,?now created a safe space to be seen and heard, two important ingredients for healing.??

The Turning Point?

By learning my history, acknowledging that I was not ok, and confronting my pain, I realized that my story is more joy than pain and more hope than despair.??I’ve?learned to forgive and even forget. Fixating on the trauma of our past and present can easily turn into hate, but hatred is just FEAR having?a difficult day, EVERYDAY!??After all, what is the purpose of hoarding painful memories or anything at all???

How will it help you with your purpose in life??

Your Pain Is Your Platform?

On this personal journey, I realized that my pain was my platform to?highlight?the liberating power of not internalizing your trauma. Over the last year, I saw how telling my story not only improved the lives of others but also improved my life by freeing me from fear! I am no longer afraid of my identity, my voice, and my power. I will not turn away from the pain of our past and present, but I will face it on my own terms, with a new perspective.??

Black Joy over Black Pain?

That new perspective is Black joy. Black life is not only about suffering or oppression. There is an oversaturation of Black-trauma news and storylines which is driven by an attraction to other’s misfortune – a longstanding behavior that has been intensified in the digital era where?pain is a commodity.?I?passionately believe?that Black pain, and that of any marginalized group, is not and should not be?used?for entertainment or profit. But our Joy! Our Joy! Share it with the masses.??

This Is My Story. This is My Joy.??

I was born in the beautiful country of Jamaica, where our motto is -- out of many, we are one.?I grew up in a loving, fun, and sometimes chaotic household with my parents and?five?siblings, surrounded by extended family members. Multiple languages were spoken in my neighborhood in families?spanning the economic continuum.?

I’m?still in contact with the elementary school teacher who removed me from ESOL and had me tested and placed in the Gifted Program. My middle school gifted teacher confronted that teacher and told him to nurture my creativity and curiosity instead.?My high school counselor was no longer around in a few months (he passed away), and I was the first in my class to receive a full academic scholarship for my bachelor's and master’s degree to attend Florida A&M University.

Finally, despite the micro-aggressions,?I’ve?worked at the best healthcare companies in the world on vaccines, medicines, and?medical?devices that protect, improve, and extend life. I am proud to call many of my colleagues, some of the best and brightest minds in the world, my friends.

I have published two books, made a movie with an Oscar, Tony, and Emmy winning?actor,?been fortunate enough to?give back to?HBCUs and?serve on a non-profit board.

I have an?amazing?wife, Joy (how ironic), and two incredible daughters.

THIS is my story. This is my truth. And this truth has set me free!?