Be your own Cheerleader!

July 2018 has been phenomenally breathtaking and enlightening for me. I am in Houston on a vacation and head over heels in love with this place, the people and the varied landscape. The traffic woes and weather are not going to puncture my intention and dream to make Houston my home in the near future! I came to Houston with the intention to look for work opportunities, network around, connect with like-minded enlightened beings and most importantly to meet my distant mentor Pastor Joel Osteen who has transformed my life for the better. I say distant mentor because I never met him in person until Sat, 14th July 2018. I have been watching his videos diligently every morning for 1.5 years. The routine has been simple wake up at 4:30 am then meditate, exercise and listen to Pastor's message en-route work. I have been disciplined in my spiritual life and other areas are still a work in progress. Pastor Joel always says at the end of his sermon "Give me one year of your life and I promise; it will never be the same again!" Well, I can endorse that and confirm that my life has certainly changed for the better. I have learnt to be more positive, encouraging, inspiring, courageous, strong, creative, affirmative, appreciating, complimenting, influencing, prosperous and abundant in every way and all levels in my life. Born and raised a Hindu, this was my first ever service in person at one of the best church's in the world - Lakewood Church. God has been kind to me and I feel blessed to be given the opportunity to learn from the best and be surrounded by enlightened, like-minded spiritual beings.

 It brings me immense peace to know that I have become more self-affirming, self-encouraging and self-acknowledging. I reflect on my conversations with people and hear myself saying "I am good at my job, I am intelligent, I am creative, I am beautiful and elegant, I am good at expressing my ideas through the written word, God, I have been a high achiever and I have diverse skill-sets, I am a natural at building rapport etc. I say this not because I have pride or a high ego but I am simply stating the facts and I am more aligned with my spirit now than I ever did. Pastor Victoria Osteen validated my thoughts on the importance of self-affirmation in her sermon at Lakewood Church on Sat, 14th July. Self-affirmations have tremendous positive psychological benefits and constantly speaking highly about yourself, encouraging yourself, reviewing and reflecting on your achievements no matter how small or big helps you to embody a higher self-esteem.

If you want to do one thing right in your life then ; Listen, Be your own cheerleader!

These words have left a lasting impression in my life and etched in my mind for eternity now!

 Being someone who battled with constant criticism at home, from friends for being dark-skinned, not good enough compared to Indian standards of beauty and slimness, not being intelligent enough with average grades throughout school and high-school. I failed 9th Std and 11th Std and I had to repeat these years; you can tell I had myriad of problems of being accepted in the society with massive low to negligent self-esteem. I would look for validations from external sources, my dad being the biggest source of validation for me. Everything I'd achieve he would be the first person I would go to and I would tell him very enthusiastically about my achievements - I got partial scholarship and fee waiver at RMIT University, I found a man to be with, I got this, I got that.. I lost 5 kgs and I would get a cold response every single time. His response would be amongst all other critical things- Are you sure you got admission at RMIT University? Is this authentic or is it a scam? You are in love with a man who comes from a Political family background - I hope he won't ask me exuberant amounts of dowry, why do you need a fancy car to go from point A to B or you still have a lot of weight to loose! Lose weight, you have low self-esteem and may be settling for a man who does not deserve you, you are settling for the mediocre blah, blah, blah!

 You see, I had someone at home and was enough to deflate me and my self-esteem to the extent that I started to believe that I don't deserve the good things in life. That life is a hard work and low self-esteem drowned me into the deepest end of the ocean where only darkness, sadness and depression exist. 

You attract what you believe and so much of early years (teenage and early twenties) my personal life I made choices that left me surrounded with toxic relationships and situations in turn!

My father's theory was if I critique the children, and use less praise and reverse psychology then they will be tough, strong and learn to move forward in adverse situations. I don’t blame him he did what he could to the best of his abilities and his perception. I have deepest gratitude towards him for providing the valuable lessons in my life, for giving me a life of independence and allowing me to be and accepting the choices I make for me good or bad! My parents are still the best people in my life I could have ever asked for.

Reverse psychology and no encouragement only damages the self-esteem of the person. No one is born with low self-esteem!

 I have been blessed with a natural inclination for spirituality and I knew only I had the power to change my situation.

To learn how to develop high self-esteem and be my own cheer leader!

I turned to meditation, spirituality, exercise and positive mindset. I enrolled myself into Pranic Healing courses where I was taught Meditation on Peace and Illumination by my spiritual teacher and initiator Dr Hazel Wardha. I diligently started reading books and following distant mentors like Richard Branson, Simon Sinek, Stephen Covey, Jim Roan, Lisa Nichols, Tony Robbins, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, Grand Master Choa Kok Sui, Pastor Joel Osteen, Deepak Chopra, Gary Waynerchuk, Dalai Lama, TED Talks etc.

And everyone had one common message :

Start with your inner self! You need to love yourself first!

Love yourself first to have a higher self-esteem!

To change your external situation you need to go inwards!

Where focus goes energy flows!

Back then these were big words with deep meaning and I was like - I love myself and I am still attracting the negativity! Random strangers (13 year old girl and her younger brother) in a shopping mall walked up-to me and said "You won't fit in this dress, you are too big for that!" Now I know why, my focus was on that which was a short-coming in my life, I was focusing on what I didn’t want and therefore I was attracting all that I didn’t want! Now, after years of spiritual practise, meditation and self-awareness; I fully understand the meaning of loving yourself and what it means to change your external environment you need to change your internal wiring!

In order to truly love yourself, you need to be your own cheer leader! 

• You need to learn to encourage yourself in every situation and every circumstance of your life.
• Embody a positive mindset!
• Focus on what is good about you, what you did well, how you got yourself out of the comfort zone
• Learn to be compassionate, kind and forgiving towards your mistakes and others.
• Be open to learning and improving your strengths while working on the weaknesses!
• Be patient, Rome was not built in a day!
• Repeat all above again, again and again till it is deeply ingrained in your sub-conscious and it becomes second nature to you!

You may have been wronged, misunderstood, cheated, disrespected, discouraged by external circumstances, by people but it is you who can change the internal dialogue and be self-affirming, encouraging, accepting, loving, compassionate and kind towards yourself. No one else can do it for you and no one will be able to do it as best as you do because other people's perspective is limited, often clouded with judgement based on their BS aka Belief Systems! 

I will share a recent and an interesting experience when my ability to self-affirm, encourage and stand in my truth was tested yet again in late 2017 when I got an opportunity to interview with Amazon in Seattle for a Technical Program Manager role. 

 Amazon, the number one and the largest internet retailer in the world! Since 2011 Amazon recruiters have been reaching out to me for Software Engineering roles in Seattle but the timing was not right for me and I was not ready. At times; it was a new job I started in Melbourne or I bought a house or I was getting married; I was separated and getting divorced; every-time I deflected the opportunity until late 2017 I reached out to my ex-colleague Pramod who kindly forwarded my resume to the HR at Amazon and I was shortlisted for the first phone screen.

A little bit about Amazon interview process : there are two phone screens, one written interview, and five back-to-back interviews in person at Amazon Headquarters in Seattle. Their ETA for decision-making is usually around 2 days and the interview process can be completed in an expedient manner. Within two weeks after the first phone screen I was put on a United Airlines flight to Seattle for a full day of five back-to-back interviews with the hiring managers and other key stakeholders in the organisation. I wanted to be associated with a company that has an impact on a global level and serves millions of people on this planet. I was very serious and put in sincere efforts. The last time I referenced a programming book was 10 years ago so I studied from the scratch Algorithms and Analysis, Big O notations, coding, software systems architecture and design, Amazon Leadership principles etc. Cut to the chase, I made it to Seattle for a face-to-face interview and all expenses paid trip by Amazon. I felt deep gratitude for the opportunity and accomplished.

I walked out of the interview patting my back, realising all the amazing work I had done in my professional career and I had greater appreciation for myself.

I sent a note of gratitude to the HR for the opportunity they had given me to come to Seattle and experience Amazon and I was on my flight back to Melbourne.

Often when we are so focused on moving forward we lose sight of what we have achieved and interviews like this are humbling experiences and allow you to sit back and take note of all your professional and personal achievements small and big! 

I said to myself "God, I did well! I was confident, spoke with clarity and calm. I greeted everyone with a smile and I looked great and professional. I was jet-lagged and yet I was composed for the 6 hours, I did not flinch, I answered every single question to the best of my knowledge and my abilities, I was appreciated and complimented for having a good handle on architecture and databases, I did everything to the best of my abilities and with the best of the knowledge I had. I sure will get this job. Sakshi, prepare to pack your bags and move to Seattle, US". 

I came home, a week passed by and no response from Amazon. For a company that asks you to follow up and has an ETA of 2 business days to make decisions in their hiring process I was feeling a bit a restless. Following week, on Tue morning I had a dream at 5 am and the dream was : The hiring manager called me at Amazon was informing me about the outcome of my interview "Swachchanda you did well, but unfortunately we cannot offer you a job this time. We wish you luck for the future and you are welcome to apply for another suitable opportunity with Amazon".

I was upright, wide awake and I could feel the cortisol in my skin! I knew this was my intuition but my left-brained logical mind was doubting the intuition. I didn't want to make any assumptions and thought to myself that it's just a bad dream! Later that day at 10 am ; I received a call from Amazon recruiter who said to me "Swachchanda, the hiring team has decided to go in a different direction. I felt like someone stabbed me in my heart and my dreams were punctured and deflated! I asked; What do you mean by different direction? Is there a recruitment freeze? Someone else has been hired instead of me?"

The recruiter responded and confirmed that another candidate was selected for the position and I was not successful this time. I thanked the recruiter for the clarity of speech and I requested for a feedback for my interview.

The recruiter's response was; 

Sorry, as per Amazon's internal policy we do not provide feedback to the candidates we interview.

And I responded; I appreciate the policy however; I would like to know, learn and improve myself and a feedback would be very much appreciated. The recruiter refused to give any feedback and the conversation ended there.

 I was feeling very dejected, de-spirited and disrespected. Then, I felt that my sincere efforts for the interviews and a potential job at Amazon had gone down the drain and I had no visibility of what could be improved in myself. Now; I am big on self-awareness, self-development and self-improvement and I put it in practise. So I spent the whole week in reflection and psycho-analysis coming up with different theories of what possibly could have gone wrong in my delivery of the responses at the interview. My mind was going berserk - Was I not clear enough? Was I not convincing enough? May be I should have used another example? Did I ask enough qualifying questions to understand the problem I was asked to solve. I was looking for answers and I was stuck in the why!

Thank God, my spirit, the higher soul intervened. I pulled myself out and decided not to wallow in the situation. I meditated and let go. I accepted that the higher powers (I believe in God) were at play and it was God's divine will that I was not going to work at Amazon, Seattle.

Later that evening; I checked my Instagram account and a post from Jeff Bezos's official account stood out to me.

 The post was " R u happy or Satisfied with Amazon. If not tell us the reason and write the way to improve it. Comment or send DM."

I read the post and I felt this was very bold and courageous of Amazon to ask for feedback from people and yet have an internal policy to not to provide any feedback to the candidates they interview!

I read the post and I felt that it was very bold and courageous of Amazon to ask for feedback from people and yet have an internal policy to not to provide any feedback to the candidates they interview!

These candidates go through a rigorous preparation and an intense interview process that tests them on technical, personal, physical, emotional and spiritual level! These are premium quality candidates who make it to the face-to-face interviews and for these people to be deprived of the feedback and an opportunity to learn was something that did not sit very well with me. I felt the people in the position of authority were not walking the talk and were in-congruent with the Amazon Leadership principle - "Learn and be Curious : Leaders are never done learning and always seek ways to improve themselves. They are curious about new possibilities and act to explore them".

 I have added the screenshot of my response to the post below :

I have not received a response from Amazon yet and I don't expect it anymore. I must admit I did expect a reply from them for a few days after my response to the Instagram post. I was not surprised to not receive one either :). When I look for jobs my intention is to work with people and be surrounded with people who inspire me, uplift me, who walk the talk and help me to deliver my best and be my best. I seek colleagues, peers in places where together we can be a source of inspiration, learning and massive growth for each other. I am glad I am not working with that particular Amazon team I interviewed with for I know that they failed to demonstrate the leadership values the company leadership has prescribed and live by. With this post my sole intention was to provide feedback, be heard and add value to the recruiters and those in the position of authority to humbly request them to treat the potential employees and the candidates with respect, compassion and give them the opportunity to learn about themselves by giving them feedback regardless of whether they got the job or not. It's good to know what worked and what can be improved :). 

I felt good writing the response and I feel good that I stood up for myself and allowed myself to be heard, walking the talk and being my own cheerleader. I know, I will continue to live by my principles, values, inspire, learn, grow, forgive, continue to be equipped, courageous, improve and move forward in life!

 Thank you for reading intently and wish you peace, joy, happiness, illumination, love, compassion and abundance on every level in your life.

Swachchanda Awasare