Your Manager is Not Your Friend: And it’s a Good Thing

It is quite common to hear employees share that their manager is also their friend. While it's good for managers to develop positive relationships with their employees, it is crucial to understand what your manager should be doing to support you and get your needs met. A respectable manager will be your personal coach, support system, motivator, and activator of change. They will push you when you need it the most and not be afraid to provide you with constructive criticism. In this article, I will share why it is essential to differentiate between the roles of a manager and a friend and how embracing this distinction can lead to personal and professional growth and success.

Coaching, Mentorship, and Advocacy

A manager is a personal coach, offering valuable insights, expertise, and experience. Unlike a friend whose advice may be based on personal opinions or emotions, a manager provides professional guidance rooted in their understanding of the company, its goals, and the industry and is invested in the personal development of those they serve. They can help identify opportunities for growth within the organization, identify areas needing change, and offer strategic advice to help their team members excel. This guidance can be instrumental in shaping one's professional trajectory and achieving long-term success.

While a friend may empathize with personal challenges, a manager plays a distinct role as a support system. They provide professional support by offering resources, removing obstacles, and creating a conducive work environment. A manager is responsible for recognizing and nurturing their team members' potential, advocating for their professional development, and providing the necessary tools and opportunities for growth. Managers empower their team members to reach their full potential by challenging them while developing a trusting relationship.

Setting Clear Boundaries

Managers must set clear boundaries with their employees because, as a manager, their primary responsibility is to ensure the success of the team and the organization. They must make tough decisions, evaluate performance objectively, and maintain fairness. A friendship can blur these boundaries, potentially compromising objectivity in decision-making and the overall team dynamic. By maintaining a professional relationship, managers can provide valuable feedback, challenge their team members, and promote growth without personal biases.

Motivation, Accountability, and Change Activator

A manager should serve as a catalyst for inspiration and accountability. They establish goals, set clear expectations, and give constructive criticism to keep people focused and on track. Unlike a friend who can be reluctant to offer constructive criticism, a manager recognizes the value of development and performance improvement. They foster an environment where learning never stops, push their team members to go above and beyond, and realize their accomplishments. This responsibility, assistance, and direction promote a high-performance workplace and encourage career progression.

Managers perform multiple duties, including directing, encouraging, assisting individuals, and acting as change agents. They encourage their team members to push past their comfort zones, accept novel concepts, and take calculated risks. They do this by creating a space for creative thinking, encouraging a culture of ingenuity, and motivating people to question the status quo. In doing so, managers support the organization and their employees. Adapting to and thriving in a constantly changing business environment is an imperative trait.

Getting the Most out of Your Manager

While it may be tempting to want your manager to be your friend, embracing their role as your manager with all the support available to you is crucial for personal and professional growth. Be bold, take advantage of what they can offer you, and be flexible in how they can meet your needs. Approach them with the intention to learn and grow. Your manager will then be a catalyst to motivate you, keep you accountable, and support you in achieving your full potential.

I want my team to excel and be continual learners. Therefore, I will work alongside them to grow them, even if that means having some tough conversations (that are in their best interest). Ultimately, it is up to you to see how to utilize your manager, understand their skills and qualities and ensure you are using them to meet your needs.