Your last minute Pep talk

Millions of us will be glued to our screens this evening for the much anticipated return of…. the Fantasy Premier League. There’s watching ‘the best league in the world’ and there’s the agony of caring about every warm up injury, silly booking or missed penalty. As a copywriter at Sky Creative, it's hard not to be Team FPL.?

And as writers we have the added joy of scanning the latest team name offerings.

You always get the classics, with non-Premier League references like ‘Kroos Control’, ‘Pique Blinders’, ‘Cesc and the city’, ‘Borussia teeth’ or ‘Murder on Zidanes Floor’. Many managers link names to themselves or their workplace, or get postmodern on placeholders. A few political ones slip through, relating to unpopular managers or wars. But it’s the topical choices that we love to see. Even if great tactical minds sometimes think alike.?

Last season there was an explosion of ‘Kloppenheimers’. I heard ‘Onana, what’s my name?’ more than once. ‘Saka potatoes’ cropped up a few times. And ‘Alisson Wonderland’ deserves its place in all time best 11s. But for me, ‘Flying without Ings’ had an added sense of narrative beyond the play on words.

This season, thanks to Erik Ten Hag’s Dutch recruitment policy we have: ‘Zirkzee and I know it’ and ‘Zirkzee football’. Lining up alongside new signings, ‘Just Gimme de Ligt’, ‘CTRL+ALT+DELIGT’ or the sublime ‘Get ligt’. A bit like the book and movie, ‘50 shades of O'Shea’ seems to be inexplicably popular.?

Our young England and Palace star Eberechi has a deep bench in ‘Eze Pickings’, ‘All too Eze’ and the showboating double header ‘Go Eze on Mee’. Other highlights this season include ‘Charli xGx’, ‘Bobb the Builder’, ‘Rice Rice Baby!’, ‘Paqueta rice’, ‘Ange Management’, ‘Come Digne with me’, ‘Snoop Udogie Dogg’, ‘Bowen Arrow’ and ‘Rasmutazz’.?

And what about this manager? I have to admit, ‘Erlingus’ never climbed above respectable mid table last season. But I’m hoping for a strong title charge from ‘de Ligt Brigade’ in 2024-25. Special mention to my fellow, higher scoring Sky Creative tracksuit coaches, ‘Chateauneuf-du-Pep’, ‘Earth, Wind & Maguire’ and ‘Taking the Mikel’.

More winning names are welcome in the comments. But as per FPL rules, nothing offensive. Though ‘Hawk Tuanzebe’ clearly passed moderation. And no Man U bashing, please. Finishing eighth last season was more a living nightmare than a fantasy.

The Gameweek 1 deadline for Fantasy Premier League team entries is tonight, Friday 16 Aug at 18:30. Most workplaces have their own leagues. The code to join the huge FPL Pod league is: q7yco0