Your language skills aren't the problem

“Just the thought of calling a clinic to make an appointment would induce debilitating anxiety” Ying Reinhardt.

When I came across an article by Ying Reinhardt in the daily Telegraph [1st April 2024] describing her fear of speaking German as a non native, my heart went out to her. You might imagine from her description of 'debilitating anxiety' when speaking German that she was a beginner, but no. Yang has lived in Germany for 10 years and speaks 7 different languages including German at C1 level (advanced level German entitling her to study at a German University)

So what causes someone with such an obvious gift for languages (in my eyes) to constantly apologise for their poor German language skills and stammer when making small talk?

The first thing that comes to mx mind is personality type. She mentions her admiration for a fellow student who “Despite her poor grasp of German grammar, spoke confidently.” In my experience over the last 25 years of both teaching English and coaching non natives to overcome their insecurities speaking English, personality is key.

Introverts tend to suffer a lot more in their heads about the possible outcomes of having ‘bad’ language skills than extroverts, and I believe that this is holding the majority back. Introverts and highly sensitive people generally don’t like attracting attention to themselves, so something like a slightly different accent, missing vocabulary or incorrect grammar can be enough to make the thought of speaking up anxiety provoking. For many introverts the thought of making small talk or speaking up in meetings in their own language is hard enough, let alone in a foreign language.

The second thing, I particularly notice about living in Germany, is that people do like to criticise you for your behaviour here. To be honest, no one has ever criticised my bad German, I’m usually able to find someone more than willing to help me in a mix of broken English and German whenever I’ve needed help. However, I've also frequently been criticised for many other ‘minor infringements of the rules’ such as recycling my glass bottles on a Sunday, crossing an empty street without waiting for the green man on the traffic lights, cycling on a street, walking on a cycle path, leaving my shopping on the conveyer belt as I quickly fetch an Item I’d forgotten. I’ve being called a disgraceful example to my daughter for wheeling my bicycle along the pavement and locking it up to the bike stand outside a public library! [not sure which rule I was breaking there] I've also been shouted at from across the street for cycling on the wrong side of a deserted cycle path and even sworn at in the middle on the woods for not keeping 2 meters distance from a lady as a jogged past her [covid times were extreme]

Now, it could just be a cultural difference between the UK and Germany, but it seems to me that pointing out where you’re breaking the rules seems to be a national spot in Germany, played particularly vehemently by certain ‘spie?ig' locals. And, if you’re sensitive to criticism this ‘sport’ can cause you to dread speaking up in public because you’re so used to being ‘told off’ for being in the wrong.

So what to do? As Ying advises, the solution (apart from always abiding by the rules and having perfect grammar and syntax) is to not care -too much- about what people think. Easier said than done for many of us, but if this speaks to you I’d suggest a good starting point is to get curious about your anxiety and its triggers.

Keeping a diary of situations when you feel the anxiety might give you some insight into the cause of your discomfort. Taking it a step further; making notes on where exactly you feel the anxiety in your body and what you experience during these moments in the way of negative self talk. Any images that come to mind of what might happen if you do make a mistake can also help you understand what’s going on for you at these times. Understanding is key here, once you have understanding you can start to adjust your view of the situation and bring more reality to your perspective.

For example, you might fear your throat completely closing and no words coming out a bit like the interrogation scene in the Matrix. However, as scary as that image is, it’s unlikely to happen, not to mention impossible in a literal sense and reminding yourself of that can help to calm things down. As can repeating to yourself ‘You’ve got this' rather than ‘You’re going to mess it up' before going into situations where you have to speak.

There are many ways you can help yourself get through your insecurity and stage fright and once you start having small successes you can start replacing these real positive results with the disastrous imagined ones.

If this approach sounds interesting to you send me a DM.

You can read Ying Reinhardt's full article in The Guardian here:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/apr/01/language-skills-germany-native-speakers?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other