Your kid’s got talent! What are you doing about it?

To become good at something, you need to put in the work and have grit, the power to get back up and try again and again, just ask Usain Bolt.

Did you know that America’s Got Talent is coming to Nairobi? Yup, this November. You may wanna start working on that talent of yours, you never know. Word of caution, carry a thick skin.

Great talent has been discovered and nurtured on shows like America’s Got Talent – no doubt. However, greater tears have been shed, and more hearts broken on the same shows. I have watched dreadful performances, countless times. Hopeful contestants come in and literally croak out-of-tune, which makes for very funny entertainment. 

It is fair to assume that before coming to the show, all contestants have performed before an audience and been told they have what it takes to make it in the talent shows. Either this or they are paid to put on a comedy show. I will go by the former theory.

So this performer wants to become a star. They sing a song on the wrong key. Somebody tells them, “Wow, you should totally go for the auditions. You have what it takes!”

They go for the auditions and meet Simon Cowell. Simon humiliates them in front of the whole world with his brutal comments and they are heart-broken.

But wait, let us rewind. Somebody wants to be a star singer, yet he or she cannot sing on the right key and keeps hitting wrong notes. They do not practice but have the confidence they will beat 1,000 other contestants who take music lessons and practice every day. And when they fail, they are upset, dejected and depressed?

I submit, that it is easy to predict whether you have a fair chance in any competition, with some basic research, a little investment, and honest feedback. There are millions of videos online, of past contestants, in many talent shows which give an idea of the kind of talent they are looking for. But year in year out we are treated to the same cacophony of jokers coming for auditions but leaving with emotional scars.

Sadly, this is a selfie of today’s society. Few people are willing to put in the effort it takes to succeed. Most people neglect even simple research before undertaking any project. They assume confidence is the only ingredient for success. From job interviews, business ventures, school exams, and the list goes on. It is a sad affair.

We need to teach our young people the importance of good old fashioned hard work and grit. So what ought we to do? Here are three tips that will go a long way.

Reward on merit

In the Victorian era, Robert Raikes, the founder of the Sunday School Movement introduced a reward system for discipline and good behaviour. Teachers would give children cards called ‘Rewards of Merit’ to reinforce and motivate the good behaviour. These cards served as testaments of the children’s accomplishments at school and were a source of pride. They were earned not free.

We can borrow from this system and motivate good behaviour and discipline and not mere participation. According to Simon Sinek, when people are rewarded for merely being present, it not only devalues the reward but also propagates a culture of mediocrity and failure. Rewards must be based on merit.

Learn how to give feedback properly

Honest feedback is difficult, sometimes, but the converse is that you lie and set up someone for a bigger fall. When we tell someone who cannot sing that they can sing, then they go to a competition and are humiliated on national TV, we are guilty of lying and responsible for their embarrassment. We must learn to give proper feedback to save our youth from such scenarios.

How can we give honest feedback properly? We can use a technique acronymed AID - Action, Impact, Deed. Address the action, its impact, and the new deed or action that ought to be taken. For example, to the young lady who cannot hit the notes and wants to sing, say,

“I am sorry but you are not hitting the high notes. Let’s look at past performances and see the judges’ expectations.” - Action

“If you enter the competition without hitting the right notes, you will be eliminated and possibly humiliated.” - Impact

“I suggest you take some music lessons to improve and you can enter the competition next year. How about entering a dancing competition, you are a really good dancer (Whatever she is good at).” - Deed

This is helpful feedback. It separates the person from the action so that they can look at the action, its impact and possible solutions or options.

Nurture natural gifts and talents

Albert Einstein said, “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree then it will live its whole life believing it is foolish.” We need to help our young people find and nurture what they are naturally good at. Most parents impose career choices on their kids. We all want our children to be doctors, pilots, engineers, or lawyers.

While these are very good choices, imposing a career on your kids is disastrous. Research shows that it sets them up for mediocre professional lives. In worst case scenarios, they become depressed, trapped in a job they hate all their lives. Let them have their own dreams.

I suggest you broaden their vision to all possibilities, support them as their abilities and interests unfold, as long as it is not piracy or drug trafficking – you get the picture. Let them know the pros and cons of their choices, and by all means, stay objective.

Nurture their gifts, passions and interests. We all have different callings. Do not measure your kids against each other. They are different, let them be different. Allow them to chart out their own path and become a coach and member of their fan club. Give guidance, don’t impose (You may need professional help to do this – No, seriously).

Conclusion

We can choose to learn from past experiences and walk a different path, or follow the same path and make the same mistakes. We must inculcate a culture of earning rewards. Life has no freebies, the sooner our youth learn this, the better they will be.

Our feedback must be honest, constructive and actionable.

Whereas confidence is important, it is not enough to accomplish anything on its own. If you were confident that you could jump off the fourteenth floor without a parachute and land safely on your feet, gravity would prove you wrong – authoritatively.

Confidence must be backed by facts. Facts come from research which requires diligence and excellence. To become good at something, you need to put in the work and have grit, the power to get back up and try again and again, just ask Usain Bolt.

The power of home fans is a huge boost to any athlete or team. Let us be present, to spur each other to do better.