Your kid might be in danger: Parents as duty-bearers to end sexual violence

As a parent or guardian, do you know what sexual violence looks like in practical terms?

Let me share a real-life incident.

Last week my neighbour’s eight-year-old daughter, with her cute dimples, sweet pigtails and innocent smile, went outside the gate to throw away trash. Normally, her brother threw away trash as his daily chore but on this particular day, he was so engrossed in his video game that he offered her his pocket money to help him with his chore.

She obliged him and as soon as she was done throwing trash, the security guard from the uncompleted building opposite the house beckoned on her. With childlike innocence, she crossed the street and went over to meet him. As he ushered her into the building, they disappeared from sight.

An elderly neighbour who had noticed this from his window quickly alerted his security guard to 'rescue' and bring her home immediately.

If this “nosey” neighbour hadn’t acted, can you imagine what would have happened?

Now, juxtapose this with your own kid — the one you love so much and slave away in your 9–5 to provide for. Yes, that kid.

This is definitely not the kind of outcome you’re aiming for right?

Can you begin to imagine the trauma on this child, the entire family and possibly the community, if a sexual violation had occurred here?

During a recently conducted KASA campaign against sexual violence survey across FCT, Nassarawa, Kaduna and Enugu states, about 33% of adolescent girls fingered parental neglect as the number one root cause for sexual violence happening to them. A close second at 27.8% is limited sex education which is also an offshoot of parental neglect because if you don’t educate your children, who will?

As the primary agent of socialization, the family is the learning hub for all children and if the custodians are absent, there will be a gaping hole that has the potential to be filled by everything you wouldn’t want - including predators like the security guard in the incident above

A respondent from the listening session of the KASA survey opined that, “Parents should be able to create time and talk with their children. Let them always caution them on the right things to do. By so doing, children will be able to confide in their parents and they will be able to open up on their challenges and problems”.

In a follow-up stakeholder workshop led by The Cognito Project , a participant shared another perspective by saying, “For some parents, they just cannot stop their girls from hawking as it is just their last resort. But parents should be able to talk to their girls on the need to take caution while hawking or doing business with men or the male folk, who try to harass them sexually or otherwise”.

The bottom line - remember that young people are a vulnerable population. So, have you spoken to your children or wards about sexual violence?

As parents, you are the major duty bearers of educating their children on sexual violence. There are many resources available to help you with this task such as this here

The best time to act is now!

Top tips to educate kids on sexual violence

1. The power of communicating openly: Create a safe space for your children to express themselves. This way, you can decipher when their boundaries are violated

2. NO is a complete sentence: Teaching children about consent and personal boundaries helps them recognize when their comfort zones are being violated and say NO.

3. Speaking up: Teach your children the confidence to stand up for themselves and speak up for their rights and others.

4. Everyone matters: Break down traditional gender stereotypes and teach your children about equality and respect for all genders.

5. Sharing age-appropriate information: Use language and examples that suit your child’s understanding to address the topic of sexual violence

6. Recognizing red flags: Educate your children about the warning signs of potential predators or unsafe situations.

7. Staying safe online: Teach your children about online safety, including not sharing personal information and not engaging in inappropriate interactions or content.

8. Building healthy relationships: As your children grow, guide them in understanding what constitutes a healthy friendship and how to end any relationships they realize to be unhealthy.

9. Leading by example: Model healthy communication, respect for boundaries, and proper conduct. Your behaviour sets a powerful example for them to follow.

10. Demanding partnership and accountability: Do your children’s school, worship or recreation centres have a safeguarding policy in place? Demand for this to keep your kids safe when they are away from home